Ugh

My brain still feels like it's in a plastic bubble or something. But oddly enough, I don't feel like risking any of my quatloos on space cowboy fisticuffs.

I just feel...dumb. I'm not happy about the way this cold virus has sapped my physical energy, but what upsets me most is how it has affected my mental processes. Normally, my brain is fairly active, but these last few days, it has been swimming in molasses--incapable of focus, coherence, or creativity. My sluggish response time and inability to craft meaningful sentences have made me seem positively Oklahoman...and that's no way to live a life. I hope that my antibodies achieve victory soon.

In the meantime, seemingly simple tasks such as blog writing, supermodel flirtation, and laundry will receive scant attention. I must focus on survival, rest, and recovery. In the meantime, I'll leave you with a short quiz. Which of the following terms are associated with the glowing brains pictured above?

A. Thrall
B. Flicker of light
C. Horta
D. Talosian
E. Fizzbin
F. Gorn
G. Galt
H. Oxmyx

Thanks for dropping by, and have a great day!

The John Gill Plan

I have a cold.

More about that in a minute. First, though, let's finish our discussion of Space Hippies. The answer to our trivia question is Skip Homeier, shown here in his role as Melakon, Ekosian Deputy Fuhrer.

He was also the leader of the flower-power weirdoes who tried to commandeer the Enterprise and ended up eating poison fruit in the Garden of Eden. Lesson: Hippies are stupid.

There are multiple lessons we can take from from the Ekos/Zeon conflict. First, a successful underground resistance movement works best if the leader is a hot chick. (Are you paying attention, George Lucas?) Second, power corrupts, etc. etc. blah blah blah. And third, or course, is that while a Nazi government may be temporarily effective in creating intense societal focus, it ultimately leads to people getting upset and taking it all apart.

It wasn't until I started writing this that I realized that our current government officials might simply be trying the John Gill approach themselves. Instead of using Zeon pigs as targets, they have chosen Big Business as the boogeyman du jour. Hmmm. I don't know who will become our version of Captain Kirk (or General Eisenhower, whatever), but I'm pretty sure somebody will step up and put Melakon in his place.

Anyway, it's probably just a coincidence that I was thinking about Germans at the same time I was assaulted by germs. The common cold shares much in common with Nazis, in that it is an oppressive evil that creeps in and messes everything up...but will eventually be banished by the forces of good. I expect to be back in peak health in another day or two.

For the moment, though, I am congested, achy, and brain dead. My lack of coherent bloggery can be blamed entirely on the disease, but I hope to be back to discussing intelligent topics later in the week. In the meantime, please enjoy this clip from where Don Knotts defeats rival Homeier in both romance and the newspaper game. (Skippy appears around 3:40, as Luther tries to report that he witnessed a murder.) Have a great day!

Exciting Times

Yes, I agree that Taco Bell is the best choice for Super Bowl cuisine.

But the reason I include this photo is not to promote Yum Brands (which might be the best company name on the planet), but to celebrate the Denver Broncos making it to the Super Bowl. And since the only Broncos merchandise I own is an old 3 Amigos T-shirt, I suppose I ought to break it out and wear it for the big game.

No parties for me, though. While I do enjoy watching the games (especially when they win), I do not expect to make a big deal out of it...even though their opponent is the team representing the state where my son lives. I'll have to consult my Parenting Handbook to be sure, but I'll bet I'm required to make some sort of wager with him, and text him with various insults and regionally-based taunting during the week preceding the game.

Whatever. The real question I have is why people don't get this excited about National Championship swim meets? After all, everyone knows that swimming is the best sport ever, and that swimmers are superior to football players in every conceivable way. And what really baffles me is why I don't get paid the same amount of money to coach my team as John Fox does. It's basically the same job. Right?

Oh well. Compensation aside, at least swim coaches are treated with the same respect and reverence that is granted to football coaches. I am constantly gratified by how complimentary and friendly people are when they approach me on the streets asking for autographs and such.

Yes, my friends, life is good. And despite the fact that my coaching salary doesn't quite hit the 7-digit range, I am still blessed enough to be able to purchase a new vehicle when my 14-year old Subaru bites the dust. Last weekend, I picked up my shiny new Honda Fit!



I like it so far. It's tiny, and is certainly at the low end of the luxury scale...but I think it's kinda cute, and it promises to be economical. It should suit my needs just fine -- as long as we don't get any giant snowstorms or anything.

The process of cleaning out my old vehicle was an interesting one, and I'll share some observations about that in an upcoming post. And I know I owe you a couple of trivia answers. Those are coming as well. But for now, I have to get busy. A coach's work is never done, after all. Have a great day!

Recovery

Some hot tubs are better than others.

This morning, I worked out at the 24-Hour Fitness at C-470 and Broadway. Until recently, my routine was to lift a little, do some cardio (treadmill or elliptical), and then hit the pool for 500 or so before jumping in the Jacuzzi. But since I've decided to torture myself with Erin's sadistic plyometrics workouts, there's a lot more jumping, stretching, and core work involved. It's exhausting.

The good news is that the hot tub at the Broadway gym has some serious jets. As I may have mentioned at some point, I've been dealing with a chronic knot in my left forearm for some time now. It's probably from typing so much on a non-ergonomic keyboard, but it could be due to sunspot activity or a voodoo curse for all I know. Massage, stretching, and ice haven't helped, (though I'll admit that the ice was not applied topically as recommended, but was instead ingested in "cookie-dough Blizzard" form.) I should probably avoid keyboards for a week or two, but that's pretty difficult when your job relies so heavily on computer work.

When this next round of proposals is over, I should probably take a road trip in my new car (which is likely to come into my possession sometime later this week.) Leave the laptop behind and just hit the open road with a 6-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper and a big pile of Ted Nugent/Alice Cooper CDs. Maybe head south...after all, I ain't never been to Nacadoches.

(OK, extra credit opportunity: Where did that last sentence come from?)

Anyway, the hot tub jets at the Kipling 24 are OK, I suppose, but I don't believe they've provided any real therapeutic benefit to my crunchy forearm. But I think the CNR-power jets at Broadway might have the potential to loosen me up and make the pain go away. I intend to go back there over the weekend and sit in the tub as long as it takes. I'll let you know how it goes.

As for the Magoo question, I'll give you partial credit if you answered Thurston...because of course both Quincy Magoo and Thurston Howell III were played by actor Jim Backus. "Percy", on the other hand, was the name of both the man who discovered the canals of Mars (Lowell), and the TV pioneer who first read diet poems on the air (Dovetonsils).

Marion was John Wayne's real first name. (Seriously, look it up.) And Harvey was a giant invisible rabbit, as well as the comic book company responsible for such atrocities as Casper, Hot Stuff, and Stumbo the microcephalic giant.

And finally, I suspect that everyone knows that Herbert is the name that represents the ultimate evil to cauliflower-eared space hippies.



And here's an interesting bit of trivia: As far as I know, Charles Napier is the only fellow to be defeated by Captain Kirk, the Blues Brothers, and Rambo. For extra bonus points, can you tell me which of the space hippies was defeated twice by Captain Kirk, and also by Barney Fife?

I'll share that answer tomorrow. Have a great day!

100 x 100s

OK, 2014 is officially underway.

We did our 100 x 100s workout yesterday. As usual, I struggled and whined through the first 40, and then got warmed up enough to enjoy the rest of them. I was pretty happy with the overall set, and would've told you that I worked reasonably hard. But I wasn't really exhausted afterwards, and I'm not the least bit sore today, so I must've been lazier than I thought.

Does that ever happen to you? Do you do a workout thinking "I'm cranking pretty hard," and then later realize that you had way too much left at the end? Do you wake up the next morning expecting to be sore, only to discover that you feel perfectly fine?

I doubt it. I'm beginning to think that nobody in the world is as big a slacker as I am. If I'm going to hit my triathlon goals this year, I'm going to have to develop some intensity and willpower. I have to find the eye of the tiger...but my default seems to be Mr. Magoo.

Bonus trivia question: What is Mr. Magoo's first name?

A. Percy
B. Quincy
C. Herbert
D. Harvey
E. Marion
F. Thurston

Anyway, we had a fairly good-sized group finish all 100, and a couple of people did even more than that. (Karen did 110 and John did 120.) Those who didn't have football parties or kids' events to go to also met for a nice lunch afterwards.

As for the photo at the top of this post, it doesn't really have anything to do with anything...but it popped up on a Google search I did about swimming. I had to smile when I learned that Guinness actually tracks the record for running hurdles in swimming fins. That is impressive, and could certainly qualify as one of the things on the list of Things I've Never Done. But since I would need a vaulting pole and a trampoline just to clear ONE hurdle, I can't even imagine trying to leap over the darn things while running and wearing fins.

Hmmm. I guess I could swim 100 yards wearing running shoes. That's almost the same concept...isn't it?

Maybe I'll save that idea for later in the year. I think I already know what I'm doing for January's "first." I hope to get it done later this week. Hint: My criteria consists totally of novelty -- it doesn't have to be anything challenging. Heck, even "watching a Beverly Hillbillies marathon" would qualify...if I hadn't already done that about a dozen times. So would "doing my Barney Fife impersonation in a staff meeting". (The problem with that is that nobody can distinguish it from my Jimmy Stewart impersonation, which actually sounds a lot like my John Wayne. Sigh.)

Anyway, congratulations to everyone who swam the 100 x 100s. I hope you're sore enough to confirm that you worked it. Have a great day!

Onomatopoeia

OK, I guess I need to check my facts before I post these quizzes.

My memory is generally pretty reliable. If I say something is true, you'd usually be taking a risk to bet that it's not. But every now and then, I guess I get a little blurry. Probably due to old age, or perhaps an ice-cream deficiency. In any case, I could've sworn that Belloq ate the fly while he was in the process of opening the ark...not while he was just having a casual chat with Indy. More about that in a minute.

First, let's start at the beginning of the quiz:

vitas gerulaitis
A. A potency elixir used by Alexander the Great
B. A tool used by women's rights advocates

The answer is B.

I wouldn't blame you for assuming that Vitas was either a Commie or the name of some ancient fossil, but the truth is that he is an American tennis player who was pretty good in his day. But he did inadvertently help the women's lib movement by teaming up with Bobby Riggs to get whipped in Doubles by Martina Navratilova and Pam Shriver.

Riggs sponsored several "Battle of the Sexes" tennis matches, most notably the one against Billy Jean King, who pretty much wiped the court with him. This male defeat subjected all of us dudes to high-pitched ridicule from our sisters and girlfriends for weeks...but didn't deter Riggs from recruiting Gerulaitis for the Doubles match.

I'm just glad that the years since then have proven that one gender isn't really superior to the other...just that we have differences that ought to be celebrated. For example, women are better multi-taskers, while men can, you know, use logic and stuff.

lasse viren
A. A weapon wielded by Wonder Woman
B. A weapon wielded by Lance Armstrong

Again, the answer is B.

Viren is a Finnish runner whose unexpected Olympic victories were tainted by rumors of blood doping. He is considered by many to be the father of the techniques used to enhance performance via chemistry. I have no idea if he and Lance ever talked with each other.

I'm just happy that chocolate hasn't yet been put on the banned substances list. Otherwise, I'd be in trouble.

leni riefenstahl
A. A reclusive saltwater fish
B. The Nazi version of Ken Burns

Another B.

Ms. Riefenstahl was Hilter's staff documentarian. She made movies about the Olympics, including coverage of Jesse Owens, who, as you might recall, presented a rather compelling argument refuting der fuehrer's claims about the Master Race.

mosi tatupu
A. Ritual chant on Ape Island
B. Related to a type of New England moose

This is the first of our trick questions. Both answers are correct.

Mosi Tatupu was a football player, who unfortunately is no longer with us. He played for the Patriots, and had his own fan section (shown here), which gives us the "moose" connection.

Today's obligatory "Simpsons" relationship comes from Treehouse of Horror III, which featured a retelling of the classic King Kong legend, with a gigantic Homer in the starring simian role. As the islanders prepared to sacrifice Marge, they chant "Mosi Tatupu, Mosi Tatupu" as part of the ceremony to summon the massive ape.

drosophila melanogaster
A. Part of a religious ceremony to summon spirits
B. The original concept for Mighty Mouse

Another one where both answers are correct...at least if you'll grant me the courtesy of agreeing that the fly-eating scene was indeed a preliminary part of the ark-opening scene. Drosophila melanogaster is the fancy name for a fly, and you have to admit that the dude chowing down on one before opening the ark did indeed enhance the impact of the ceremony. You'll give it to me, right?

Anyway, when the creators of Mighty Mouse were originally tossing around ideas for a cartoon, their first thought was that the hero should be a fly. Somewhere along the way, common sense apparently kicked in and spawned something iconic.

I liked MM as a kid, even though he had the same horrible problem as Superman (ie, idiot girlfriend.) But even at that age, I couldn't help but notice that in real life, well, I'd much rather hang around with cats than with mice. And frankly, the thought of rodents with superpowers is a bit disturbing.

kobayashi maru
A. An Asian seafood dish
B. A no-win scenario

Yeah, I know...too easy. B.

Everybody knows that the Kobayashi Maru was the endangered ship in Starfleet's "no win scenario" leadership exercise. It stumped every single officer candidate (except Jim Kirk, of course), but achieved its goal of building character in future command personnel. Like "Darmok at Tanagra", the name of the exercise has become a metaphor for a complex concept. This week, for example, the folks in San Diego are all looking at the upcoming playoff game against the Broncos as a big-time Kobayashi Maru.

capsaicin
A. Tennille's partner
B. Something to use if you are confronted by Tennille's partner

Actually, I have no idea what Ms. Tennille's relationship is with capsaicin. It's the chemical that gives hot peppers their heat...and for all I know, little miss Muskrat Love snarfs habaneros as if they were Twinkies.

But I'm going to give you credit for answering B, because capsaicin is also the active ingredient in self-defense pepper spray, which you would be entirely justified in using if you were ever approached by either one of these creepy individuals.

I hope it never comes to that. In fact, I hope you never find yourself eating a fly, being sacrificed to a giant ape, or racing against a blood-doping Finn. Just enjoy the fact that you know the meanings of so many weird-sounding words, and have a great day!

Avoiding the Flu

I've never gotten a flu shot. Something about the idea bothers me, but I'm not sure what it is. Probably just the fact that the government tells me I should do it.

If I've learned anything from movies over the years, it's that the government is responsible for all plagues...and that the worst ones arise from bureaucracy's attempts to "help." After all, they're the same ones who cause sharknadoes, chuds, and the conditions that make global warming researchers get stuck in the ice.

I do know of several people in my personal circle who have recently been laid low by various maladies, indicating that it is indeed the season for viruses to run rampant across the land. But I feel that my immune system has a pretty good chance or remaining intact because of my general good health, my near-constant immersion in chlorine, and my introversion-driven avoidance of social situations. I wash my hands frequently, drink plenty of water, and try to get adequate rest.

And therein lies the topic of today's post. Rest.

I, like many aspiring athletes, recognize the challenge of balancing work and recovery within a training program. The equation changes with age, too. During summers as a kid, I swam around 10,000 meters, lifted weights, rode my bike, and probably walked (or ran) another 5 miles every single day. Rest and recovery came only at the end of the season when we would taper for the championship meets. I was constantly depleted, but was still able to function just fine, thanks to youthful vigor and a metabolism that converted pizza directly into enthusiasm.

Since then, my body's food processing mechanisms have "matured." Nowadays, my internal adult alchemy system can magically convert a 5-ounce bowl of lettuce directly into a pound and a half of blubber, and all of the energy produced from breakfast, lunch, and dinner combined is barely enough to push the buttons on the TV remote.

Well, OK, perhaps I exaggerate a bit. Most days, I do manage to swim and run and walk around without too much difficulty. But regardless of the fact that I understand the benefit of recovery within the training process, I hesitate to take days off from workouts because the bathroom scales tell me I need to burn more calories. LOTS more.

So, when I spontaneously woke up at 3:00 am this morning, I thought I'd have time to perform some serious aerobic fat loss before I had to be at the office. But I made the mistake of checking my email first.

I won't bore you with the details, but after answering emails, ordering some computer gear for my son, balancing my checkbook, and perusing the weather forecast, I found that I was really sleepy again. I calculated that I still had time enough for a short nap and a quick workout before being due at work, so I crawled back under the covers.

I woke from a bizarre dream about Broncos playoff ticket scalpers who somehow caused a mine collapse underneath my kitchen, and saw that I had precisely 19 minutes to shower, dress, and get myself to the office. No worries -- I made it with almost a minute to spare.

But it did make me wonder if I'm getting adequate rest. Sleep is not the only component of training recovery, of course, but it may be the one that primarily influences resistance to disease. So, even though I feel guilty (and wimpy) for skipping today's morning workout, it's probably the best thing for me in the grand scheme of things. I suppose I could work out this evening, but the smart money would bet against it happening.

Anyway, the point I meant to make is that it's time for our society to discard the virus-friendly practice of shaking hands. It's the only way to prevent more cases of vitas gerulaitis, etc., not to mention chuds.

Stay healthy, and have a great day!

Doing the Math

Good guesses, but no...Lasse Viren isn't the dog who rescued Timmy when he fell in the well. And Vitas Gerulaitis is not a 1950's hair gel. I appreciate the enthusiasm for the quiz, but assure you that the answers are either "A" or "B" for each question. Just pick one.

More about that tomorrow. Today's discussion is about automobiles.

As I've mentioned before, I was born without the typical male genes that provide enthusiasm for carpentry, power tools, and auto repair. OK, I'll admit that I did enjoy working on motorcycles back in my biker-gang-hippie-stomping days...but have since decided that I'd rather pay an expert than risk injury (and/or explosions) by attempting my own repairs. This also means that I really can't generate much enthusiasm for car shopping.

This may seem odd to people who know that I've driven real race cars, and who've seen me treat the morning commute like the Indy 500. I admit that I view the posted speed limit as a mere suggestion, and I change lanes to pass people even when I don't have any reason to be in a hurry. But that's just a manifestation of my general annoyance with slow drivers...not an indicator that I'm a "car guy."

But the fact is that I need to start looking for a new vehicle. My trusty station wagon is starting to show its age, and I recognize the wisdom in being prepared to replace it when the time comes.

The good news is that there are a lot of high-quality options available, even considering my restrictive budget limitations. All of the cars that would be a direct replacement for my wagon are about the same price, get nearly the same gas mileage, and are comparable in performance and features. I could probably make my choice by flipping a coin and be perfectly happy.

But there is one other option I'm considering. Instead of an SUV-type vehicle, I've been thinking of going back to a dinky economy car. I really liked my old Tercel, and I certainly appreciate the savings that come from the fuel efficiency of a compact.

But I do live in Colorado, which means there will be snow. Having reliable all-wheel drive these last 10 years has meant relief from weather-related driving anxiety. I would definitely miss that. And then there's the triathlon conundrum -- I need to be able to transport my bicycle from one location to another. That means I need some space.

It gets interesting. There apparently are some small economy hatchbacks that offer bike-sized cargo areas. If this turns out to be true, and I find a car I like that holds the bike, then winter traction becomes the only argument in favor of the SUV. So here's where the math comes in:

It appears that the purchase price difference between an economy hatchback and a small SUV is around $5000. When you factor in the additional savings over the car's lifespan (cheaper tires, 25% less gas, shorter car washes, etc.) it probably averages out to more than $600 per year in amortized savings. That means that I could call a cab or rent an SUV during every major snowstorm and still come out ahead in the long run. And when you consider that I could also opt to walk and/or snowshoe to most of the places I go during the week, well, it just seems silly to pay the premium for the more capable vehicle.

Of course, I might go for a test drive and decide that I really don't like the small car. Or maybe the radio won't be up to my audiophile standards, or the engine won't handle my "gotta get around this pokey idiot NOW" driving demands. We'll see. The test driving will begin this Friday, and I'll have a lot better feel for the whole question once I've had my handcrafted Italian racing gloves wrapped around a new steering wheel or two.

In the meantime, I'm continuing to work toward my 2014 goals, which means getting up from my desk more frequently to do my stretching. It's hard, but so far I'm doing better than I did last year. I hope to touch my fingertips to the floor by the end of the month. Anyway, I hope to be back here tomorrow with the answers to yesterday's quiz. Thanks for dropping by, and have a great day!

In a Slump

I am making progress on my photo scanning project. But most everything else is moving very slowly.

I think I'm going to blame my recent lethargy on a lack of dietary discipline.

Too much meat and cheese. I need to get back into salads and green smoothies. More bananas, less bacon-wrapped ham.

Oh, don't get me wrong; I'm not in any danger of turning Vegan or anything. I remain firmly in favor of eating animals of all types, and will continue to support the ranching, hunting, and whaling industries. I will continue to buy Ted Nugent albums, and will never stop yelling "Mooo!" out the window when I drive by a pasture full of cows.

But I have recognized that there is a strong correlation between my holiday season eating habits and my recent weight gain and performance slump. My chair creaks and groans when I sit down, and my swim times just plain suck. I'm pretty sure that if I can get back into "lettuce and rutabaga" mode, I'll start feeling peppier.

As for the photo above, well, you probably guessed from my shirt that it was during the college years. I'm not sure why Burt Ward was on the grocery store circuit, but Paul Carroll and I somehow found out about it, dropped by the Safeway, and managed to shake hands with the Boy Wonder. We each shot a photo of the other. With my KU Film School education, I was able to get a gorgeous shot of Paul and Burt...but Paul was majoring in one of the remedial fields (Chemistry or Business or something) and wasn't educated enough to know that you really had to get the Caped Crusader's "R" emblem in the frame for it to be a good photo. Oh well.

And yes, that is zinc oxide on my nose. I'm pretty sure I had just come from my lifeguarding gig at Sandy Beach. (I'm still amazed that nobody drowned on my watch. Other than Home Oil, that was the most frighteningly unsafe place I've ever worked.)

Anyway, the holidays are over and the dietary temptations should be gone (mostly.) Tanner and Caitlyn (pictured here from New Year's Day) are back home in Washington, so I won't be eating out like I did when they were here. I tend to be more disciplined when I bring my sack lunch to the office, and I'm definitely back in work mode at this point. It's time to get serious about fitness and training. Priority number one is to lobby the National Weather Service to provide some warmer days so I can resume my outdoor running schedule. Beyond that, I'm hoping to focus on flexibility and core strength, which means doing some stretching at home. Wish me luck.

Anyway, as promised, here is a short quiz to test your linguistic skills. I'm making it easy by giving you a 50/50 chance on each one.

vitas gerulaitis
A. A potency elixir used by Alexander the Great
B. A tool used by women's rights advocates

lasse viren
A. A weapon wielded by Wonder Woman
B. A weapon wielded by Lance Armstrong

leni riefenstahl
A. A reclusive saltwater fish
B. The Nazi version of Ken Burns

mosi tatupu
A. Ritual chant on Ape Island
B. Related to a type of New England moose

drosophila melanogaster
A. Part of a religious ceremony to summon spirits
B. The original concept for Mighty Mouse

kobayashi maru
A. An Asian seafood dish
B. A no-win scenario

capsaicin
A. Tennille's partner
B. Something to use if you are confronted by Tennille's partner

OK, that's it. Have fun, stay warm, and have a great day!

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2014, my friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday break, and are as excited about the coming year as I am.

More about that in a moment. First, the picture. I attended a holiday party where I was shown a wine bottle stopper that looked a lot like the entity shown in this photo. I remarked to my son that it reminded me of "The Companion," and he had no idea what I was talking about.

I can think of no more obvious indicator of the decline of civilization.

Oh sure, you can point out that marijuana is now legal, or that Tim Tebow is no longer in the NFL, or that our government is taking away our rights to defend ourselves with large sodas, etc. Oh yes, those are indeed troubling circumstances. But when our young people can't even recognize a parallel between holiday beverage container accessories and immortality-granting electrical clouds, well...I fear that our future looks bleak.

I won't go into a lecture on the deeply spiritual message contained within The Companion's relationship with warp-drive inventor Zephram Cochrane, but I promise that I'll sit down with my son and try to fill in some of these egregious gaps in his education and philosophical development. If there is to be any hope for the future of mankind, then we all need to know exactly what to do if our date wants to see a Clark Gable movie.

Oh how I wish I could've eavesdropped on the meeting where Roddenberry discussed the visual effects for this episode. "Hey, let's make the alien look like a translucent Christmas tree. That'll show the audience that we're not just about lizards and superfluous antennae! And if the effect works, we can use it on Melvin Belli next season!"

But I digress. The point is that it's time to review last year's resolutions and make some shiny new ones for the upcoming year. Let us begin:

First, the review. It turns out that my resolutions were very vague last year. "Become a better athlete." "Be more productive." "Be less fat." "Become a chick magnet." etc. Unfortunately, even though these were broad enough to interpret liberally, the sad fact is that I did not demonstrate tangible progress in any of these areas.

The good news is that I did get my ankle loosened up, which has really helped my running. I may still be slow, but at least it's not as unpleasantly painful as it used to be. There's hope.

And my son found a pretty decent job, and is now making enough money to (almost) support himself. I realize that I can't take credit for this, having obviously failed as a parent if he doesn't even know the difference between Vaal and Landru...but it's still a milestone in my life, and one that makes me happy.

I also made significant progress on my family photo archival project, got my power tower set up, and have made some good progress on planning for some big future events (new car purchase, overseas trip, potential post-retirement activity planning, etc.) Despite the fact that I'm still obese, slow, and single...2013 was really a pretty good year.

But for 2014, I'm going to set some slightly more concrete goals:

• Regain enough flexibility to flat-hand the floor.
• Be able to do ten pullups without stopping.
• Finish the Olympic distance triathlon in 2:45 or better.
• Climb to the top of the wall at the Ridge.
• Do at least one new thing each month of the year.
• Swim 500 miles.
• Finish scanning our family photos.

Of course, I have some other personal and career goals that I won't share in this forum. And there are all the standard generic goals that we all have that remain in place from year to year. (Don't worry, be happy. Be nice to everyone except Commies and Jihadists. Try to remember that sprinters are people, too...and that a few swim workouts should accommodate their odd mutant tendencies, etc.)

I'm looking forward to this year, and I hope you are, too. I'm sure you noticed that my resolutions don't include commitments about a specific level of bloggery, but I do hope to be a little more reliable than I have been lately. Feel free to bug me about it if you notice that I've taken a break, OK?

My next post will feature a trivia quiz where you'll be asked to identify odd foreign words; I'm optimistic that you'll easily get them all. Until then, enjoy the crisp fresh air of 2014, and have a great day!