Onomatopoeia

OK, I guess I need to check my facts before I post these quizzes.

My memory is generally pretty reliable. If I say something is true, you'd usually be taking a risk to bet that it's not. But every now and then, I guess I get a little blurry. Probably due to old age, or perhaps an ice-cream deficiency. In any case, I could've sworn that Belloq ate the fly while he was in the process of opening the ark...not while he was just having a casual chat with Indy. More about that in a minute.

First, let's start at the beginning of the quiz:

vitas gerulaitis
A. A potency elixir used by Alexander the Great
B. A tool used by women's rights advocates

The answer is B.

I wouldn't blame you for assuming that Vitas was either a Commie or the name of some ancient fossil, but the truth is that he is an American tennis player who was pretty good in his day. But he did inadvertently help the women's lib movement by teaming up with Bobby Riggs to get whipped in Doubles by Martina Navratilova and Pam Shriver.

Riggs sponsored several "Battle of the Sexes" tennis matches, most notably the one against Billy Jean King, who pretty much wiped the court with him. This male defeat subjected all of us dudes to high-pitched ridicule from our sisters and girlfriends for weeks...but didn't deter Riggs from recruiting Gerulaitis for the Doubles match.

I'm just glad that the years since then have proven that one gender isn't really superior to the other...just that we have differences that ought to be celebrated. For example, women are better multi-taskers, while men can, you know, use logic and stuff.

lasse viren
A. A weapon wielded by Wonder Woman
B. A weapon wielded by Lance Armstrong

Again, the answer is B.

Viren is a Finnish runner whose unexpected Olympic victories were tainted by rumors of blood doping. He is considered by many to be the father of the techniques used to enhance performance via chemistry. I have no idea if he and Lance ever talked with each other.

I'm just happy that chocolate hasn't yet been put on the banned substances list. Otherwise, I'd be in trouble.

leni riefenstahl
A. A reclusive saltwater fish
B. The Nazi version of Ken Burns

Another B.

Ms. Riefenstahl was Hilter's staff documentarian. She made movies about the Olympics, including coverage of Jesse Owens, who, as you might recall, presented a rather compelling argument refuting der fuehrer's claims about the Master Race.

mosi tatupu
A. Ritual chant on Ape Island
B. Related to a type of New England moose

This is the first of our trick questions. Both answers are correct.

Mosi Tatupu was a football player, who unfortunately is no longer with us. He played for the Patriots, and had his own fan section (shown here), which gives us the "moose" connection.

Today's obligatory "Simpsons" relationship comes from Treehouse of Horror III, which featured a retelling of the classic King Kong legend, with a gigantic Homer in the starring simian role. As the islanders prepared to sacrifice Marge, they chant "Mosi Tatupu, Mosi Tatupu" as part of the ceremony to summon the massive ape.

drosophila melanogaster
A. Part of a religious ceremony to summon spirits
B. The original concept for Mighty Mouse

Another one where both answers are correct...at least if you'll grant me the courtesy of agreeing that the fly-eating scene was indeed a preliminary part of the ark-opening scene. Drosophila melanogaster is the fancy name for a fly, and you have to admit that the dude chowing down on one before opening the ark did indeed enhance the impact of the ceremony. You'll give it to me, right?

Anyway, when the creators of Mighty Mouse were originally tossing around ideas for a cartoon, their first thought was that the hero should be a fly. Somewhere along the way, common sense apparently kicked in and spawned something iconic.

I liked MM as a kid, even though he had the same horrible problem as Superman (ie, idiot girlfriend.) But even at that age, I couldn't help but notice that in real life, well, I'd much rather hang around with cats than with mice. And frankly, the thought of rodents with superpowers is a bit disturbing.

kobayashi maru
A. An Asian seafood dish
B. A no-win scenario

Yeah, I know...too easy. B.

Everybody knows that the Kobayashi Maru was the endangered ship in Starfleet's "no win scenario" leadership exercise. It stumped every single officer candidate (except Jim Kirk, of course), but achieved its goal of building character in future command personnel. Like "Darmok at Tanagra", the name of the exercise has become a metaphor for a complex concept. This week, for example, the folks in San Diego are all looking at the upcoming playoff game against the Broncos as a big-time Kobayashi Maru.

capsaicin
A. Tennille's partner
B. Something to use if you are confronted by Tennille's partner

Actually, I have no idea what Ms. Tennille's relationship is with capsaicin. It's the chemical that gives hot peppers their heat...and for all I know, little miss Muskrat Love snarfs habaneros as if they were Twinkies.

But I'm going to give you credit for answering B, because capsaicin is also the active ingredient in self-defense pepper spray, which you would be entirely justified in using if you were ever approached by either one of these creepy individuals.

I hope it never comes to that. In fact, I hope you never find yourself eating a fly, being sacrificed to a giant ape, or racing against a blood-doping Finn. Just enjoy the fact that you know the meanings of so many weird-sounding words, and have a great day!