That's How I Roll

I was pretty good at math in high school, and I always liked outer space stuff. But for some reason, my life did not follow any sort of path that would have led me to lock synapses with the likes of Hawking, Chandrasekhar, or Brian May. I did once meet Major Astro, and I did once videotape a lecture that featured Mike Massimino (who has appeared on "The Big Bang Theory"), but I never actually used any of my brain cells to develop cosmological equations of any kind. Sigh.

[NOTE: Yes, the guitarist for Queen does indeed a Ph.D. in Astrophysics. I thought everyone knew that. Geez.]

Yet the fact that some of our puzzle's featured celebrities do have outer-space connections has nothing to do with the answer I was looking for. I was going after a progression that the experienced in common. Did you figure out what it was?



Yep, that's right: They all ended up in wheelchairs.



On the left is Stephen Hawking, who is an actual scientist and wheelchair inhabitant in real life. The rest of the fellows are actors who took on the wheels in portraying fictional characters.

Panel 2 is Captain Christopher Pike, played by Jeffrey Hunter in the yellow shirt, and by Sean Kenney in the body box. (FYI: Sean Kenney also played Star Fleet employee DePaul in a couple of other episodes. I wonder if they had to pay him union scale for a speaking role for beeping as Pike?) On a related topic, one of my greatest disappointments in my life was when my son rejected my idea for calling his band "Pike's Wheelchair." It's a great idea; let me know if you'd like to purchase the rights to use it for your band, OK?

Panel 3 is Chief Robert Ironside (aka Perry Mason), and next to him is Locutus of Borg, who eventually took on the role of chair-bound mutant Professor Xavier for the X-Men franchise. And the last guy might've been difficult for our younger readers to recognize. He is Lionel Barrymore, best known today for being the great-uncle of Drew Barrymore. But in his time, he was as famous as Matthew McConaughey or Seth Rogan. His wheelchair role was as the crusty skinflint Mr. Potter in "It's a Wonderful Life."

So, in summary...today's lesson is that each person matters, even if they only work for a struggling Building and Loan, or are stuck in a menagerie on Talos IV.

If you're interested in other examples of outstanding individuals who perform well in wheelchairs, check out this and this. For astrophysicist guitar riffs, click here.

That's all for today. Enjoy the next snowstorm, and have a great day!

A Brief History of Mime

Today's topic is:



(Click to embiggen.)

This blog sorta-kinda relates (a little bit) to yesterday's topic. Oh, I know you don't expect me to maintain any sort of coherence from one day to the next, but sometimes that's just the way the brainwaves wash ashore. This does not represent a trend or anything...

As I mentioned, I was educated to be a filmmaker. (Yes, it's true that Lawrence, KS is not exactly an artistic hub in the cinematic industry...nor is it located anywhere Hollywood -- but even a blind squirrel finds acorns sometimes. I learned a few of the basics.) During my years at KU, I also watched a LOT of television and movies, and learned to appreciate fine audio-visual entertainment.

What I did NOT learn was how to be a snooty and sophisticated drama snob. Which is another way of saying that I almost always disagree with the "Best Pictures" choices made by the Academy.

Yes, the Oscars. (By the way, the folks in the photo above are Oscar the Grouch, Oscar Madison, Oscar Pistorius, Oscar Mayer, Oscar Goldman, and Oscar de la Hoya. I could've also included Walter Matthau and Matthew Perry, who also played the role of Oscar Madison, but thought that would be a bit much. For those of you who are too young to remember "The Six Million Dollar Man," Oscar Goldman was Steve Austin's spy-agency handler buddy...ably played by the prolific actor Richard Anderson. NOTE: He is not to be confused with Ricky Dean Anderson, who played MacGyver and Col. O'Neill on Stargate. And yes, I would like to someday ride in the Wienermobile.)

Anyway, I understand that the movie "Birdman" was the big winner. I had not even heard of it until yesterday, which means that it must've been aimed at a different target audience than the one to which I belong. The TV channels I watch feature ads for "Hot Tub Time Machine," "Paddington," and "The SpongeBob Movie," but NOT anything that was nominated for Best Picture. Hmmm.

At some point, I may have time to post my list of the movies that should have won the Oscar, but for now I'll just mention the biggest mistake of all time -- when "Back to the Future" wasn't even nominated in 1985. "Out of Africa" won that year, which is one of the two movies I have walked out of because they sucked so badly.

[Disclaimer: I know that chicks dig "OOA" for some reason, but that is precisely why the babes shouldn't be allowed to vote. Sheesh! They also gave us Jimmy Carter. Thanks a lot, Susan B. Anthony.]

By the way, "Kramer vs. Kramer" won while "Alien" (pictured above) wasn't even nominated. Seriously. Have I made my point?

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I saw "The Theory of Everything" over the weekend. It's a movie about a genius scientist who ponders the glories of the cosmos, so I was expecting to explore the process of discovery and gain some insight into brilliance. Instead, the film focused on the challenges in being married to a dude with health issues. It should have been about the wonders of the Universe and solving the mysteries of the beginning of creation. But no. It's a relationship movie! Gack.

The good news is that I saw the previews for "Ant Man," a new Marvel superhero flick. Now that is a concept I can get excited about. Paul Rudd is an odd choice for a superhero, but I said the same thing about Michael Keaton being cast as Batman, and that worked out OK. (Obviously, Jack Nicholson stinks to high heaven, but that's a topic for my further discussion about the Academy's shortcomings.)

OK, OK; I will concede that not everyone is required to have the same tastes as me. If you want to spend your entertainment dollars to wallow in the emotional turmoil and mental angst of debating who left the toilet seat up or forgot a birthday, then knock yourself out. I do understand that some people actually prefer Meryl Streep to Moe Howard and Monty Python. Those people are idiots, but even idiots are entitled to their own opinions. Of course, I would prefer that they didn't vote in Presidential elections, but what're ya gonna do?

Anyway, all of this discussion was merely to lead us to today's puzzle challenge. It should be an easy one, especially with the clue from a couple of paragraphs above. What do these five guys have in common?



Answers tomorrow. In the meantime, may all your entertainment needs be fully met by whatever choices you make. Have a great day!

Apocalypse Snow

As you probably know, I gradjeyated from the University of Kansas with a degree in Journalism, back in the days when phones were all attached to walls and the definition of "religious conflict" was when the Baptists and Methodists held their bake sales on the same weekend.

But despite what it said on my sheepskin, I was never associated with The Fourth Estate in any way. In fact, it was during my studies in this moderately prestigious institution that I developed a grand distaste for journalism and its practitioners. Let me explain.

My interest was filmmaking. I wanted to be the next Frank Capra (or more likely, Moe Howard). At KU, the filmmaking curriculum was located within the J-School. Because of that, I was required to take a few reporting classes in addition to my "Road to Hollywood" classes.

So, I took those Journalism classes in the years immediately following the Watergate unpleasantness. The observation that left an indelible impression was that people who wanted to be reporters were quite simply sociopaths. They had no moral foundation, no regard for human dignity, and no respect for decency or or legitimate achievement. They idolized Woodward and Bernstein, not because those two discovered and exposed a cover-up...but because the story made reporters famous. None of them cared a whit for truth; they just wanted to find (or make up) scandals that would get big ratings.

Sadly, I have not seen positive changes in the "profession" during the intervening years. I am interested in what goes on in the world, but I cannot stomach watching the news.

Unfortunately, the news maroons still manage to inflict themselves on my eyeballs from time to time. As the last weekend approached, they would interrupt Superman (or whatever retro delight I was watching) every 10 minutes to remind me that Armageddon approacheth, in the form of (and I quote) "the biggest storm that Denver has seen in possibly decades!!!"

Yes, they used three exclamation points. They wanted to ensure panic, hoarding, and Return-of-the-Archons style riots in the streets. Then they could report on that.

They told us to expect this:



The collapse of civilization was predicted to begin at noon on Friday. The only significant snow finally began falling late on Saturday afternoon. Yes, we did get a bit of a storm...but this is the Mile-High City; we can deal with a foot of snow and a bit of ice without devolving to Thunderdome barbarity. Sigh.

Anyway, I apologize for the rant, but I just find the media to be tiresome and annoying, and rarely helpful. I wish everyone else would join me in turning off the news until their plummeting ratings convince them to change their approach. But I won't hold my breath.

I did end up traveling back from Louisville on Saturday evening. The hills along Wadsworth, combined with the slow traffic and abundance of stoplights convinced me that it was probably a good time to try out the tire chains I had purchased before the Breckenridge trip.

I had read the instructions and looked them over when I first got them -- so I thought I knew how to put them on. But when I unpacked them and laid them out in the snow next to the tire, I realized I needed a review.

The good news is that it's a pretty clever design. It only requires one simple hook attachment on the inside of the wheel, and two even easier attachments on the outside. The bad news is that it's still not all that easy to look a chain link over a hook when you're cold, wearing gloves, and can't see either end of the attaching pieces. Still, it only took a moment or two of fumbling to get the inner hook attached. The frontside hooks were pretty simple, too. The toughest part was stretching the rubber tightener to grasp each segment for a snug fit.

Well, no, actually...removing the chains today when the sun came out -- that was the hardest part. I had neglected to pay attention to where the non-visible inner hook was located in relation to identifiable features on the outside of the wheel. But a few moments reviewing the instructions showed me that I'd have to drive backward for about 8 inches to get the hook positioned for unlatching. Of course, the other wheel had a different position -- so I had to drive forward a foot to get that one to where I could reach it. And because I did this during my lunch break at the office, I didn't really want to kneel down in the melting muck to perform the operation. The operation was not particularly complicated, but it did have its challenges.

I am delighted to announce that the chains appear no worse for wear and will be much easier to install next time, now that I know the process. Well, assuming that the next storm comes soon enough that I still remember the process...

And that should happen. The talking heads on TV are already predicting the next unmitigated weather disaster for later this week.

OK, whatever. I have the chains, and they'll be ready to go. But I will also have my bike chain lubricated and my cycling shoes handy, just in case. I'm guessing it's just as likely to be sunny and pleasant.

Either way, I hope you were able to enjoy the beauty of the snow, even if you did have to crawl under your vehicle to attach traction devices. Whether we do it again soon or not, have a great day!

The Ghost of Franz Klammer

I was a tad apprehensive about my recent ski trip for several reasons:

(1) I hadn't skied in years, and was worried that I had forgotten how.

(2) I'm fat and weak.

(3) I was renting "modern" skis, which are substantially different than the 1976-vintage boards I had been using for my entire adult life.

Surprisingly, I found that I was able to zip down the mountain with acceptable gusto. I was expecting to be the victim of much lift-spectator jeering and laughter (not to mention face-plants, tumbleweeding, and other embarrassing agonies of defeat) -- but instead mostly passed by other people with Killy-esque briskness.

What about the bumps, you ask? Well, I have to confess that I didn't make many attempts at mogul mashing (and zero attempts at aerials), but found that I could string together 5, 10, or perhaps even 15 good bump turns before the legs turned to spaghetti and I'd have to bail.

In other words, I had fun!

It's nice to know that despite my diminishing physical abilities, I can still tackle the same slopes I did when I was in college. Perhaps the new skis deserve the majority of the credit...or perhaps it really is like riding a bicycle. In any case, I may have to try it again before the season ends. We'll see.



That image is a screen capture from a video I shot with my new action cam. Because I have only used the thing for underwater video so far, I forgot to bring the head-mount apparatus...so I skied with two poles in one hand and the camera in the other. This is what we in the video business refer to as being a "crappy cameraman," but I have to say that the color and clarity of the video was impressive indeed. Just not the action. But Breckenridge is beautiful, isn't it?

Of course, no ski trip would be complete without wandering through the village at night. And with Breckenridge's ice sculpture display not entirely melted yet, it was fun to see the snow art in all its color-lit glory.

This is the sample of the original snow block that is allocated to each artist.



This is a representation of Rod Serling's intestines.



This is probably a hedgehog or something.



As always, you can click to embiggen the images. I will say, though, that I was enjoying the crisp night air and artistic altitude ambience...I was not in Ansel Adams mode. My photos do not to justice to the skill and creativity (not to mention frozen fingers) that went into building these impressive sculptures.

But even that set of second-rate photography is positively Louvre-worthy compared to the abysmal results I got during my post-Valentine's hike last Sunday. I usually carry my Nikon when I go hiking, but for this one, I only had my cell phone camera. It says it has "5 megapixels," which is apparently the LG euphemism for "cataracts." But I was able to capture an image that cannot possibly be anything other than the Loch Ness Monster!



Actually, it is a beaver.

After all these years of swimming in the Chatfield gravel pond, riding my bike around the lake, and running along the dirt trails, you'd think I'd have known that the South Platte River is infested with the critters known for eating wood and having brothers named "Wally." But no, I was surprised to find a plethora of gnawed stumps, piled-up brambles, and other signposts of a thriving beaver civilization. Then, as I'm standing there wondering why they chop down trees that are far too big for them to carry, this chubby little fellow comes chugging across the pond, slapping his tail on the water and giving me the "You're a cold-water pansy" stare, as if to challenge me to dive in and race him.

I'll admit -- the glassy surface did look inviting. But since the water in my fanny pack had frozen, I was guessing that this pond might even be too cold for Cliff Crozier, much less a fair-water swimmer like me.

Perhaps I'll do that hike again soon, and take a better camera along when I do. For now, I'll leave it at that, and once again apologize for having lost blogging momentum due to the demands of the day job. I have other interesting updates and product reviews to share in the near future, so I hope you'll continue to visit. I hope to be posting again soon. Have a great day!