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I hope you had a Merry Christmas, and are all psyched up for a Happy New Year!

And thank you for asking about My Christmas...darned decent of you. Yes, my friends, it was a fine day, a fine day indeed. I wasn't sure it was going to turn out all that well, but it did.

There was the standard "opening of gifts", but you don't want to hear about boxes of pajamas, picture frames, and battery-operated headlamps, etc. You want to hear about Avatar, right?

Yes, we went to see the big holiday movie. I was not optimistic -- It had many elements that usually indicate a horrible moviegoing experience:

• It's being described as an "epic"...and it has flying dragons. Sounds like a hobbit ripoff, and probably has one of those grizzled old Ians (McKellan, McDiarmid, etc.) spouting demi-religious nonsense to impressionable young morons. ("Use the Dark Side, Frodo," etc.)


• It's in 3D, which generally gives me a headache. (I still have nightmares about "Captain Eo"...but come to think of it, that might not have had anything to do with the 3D aspect of it.) 3D means we'll have lots of projectiles flung at the audience, none of which are impelled by any plot motivation. FX for FX's sake is a recipe for disaster (see Star Trek, the Motion Picture.)
• The ads for the movie are hyping the film's director...which usually means that the movie itself isn't worth talking about.


• It reeks of political correctness: Evil corporation vs. goodhearted tree-huggers, yadda yadda yadda. The only deviation from the standard "green message" template is that the "green" folks are actually blue.


• And it's got Sigourney Weaver.

Wait, scratch that last one; I may not be a big SigWeave fan, but she has been in some pretty good movies, like "Holes". (Maybe she'll use some rattlesnake venom fingernail polish to scar up the aliens! Or dragon venom...whatever.)

Despite the upfront negatives, though, I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. I was completely engrossed; I cannot remember the last time I sat in a theatre for 3 hours without once even thinking about going to the bathroom. And the 3D effects were good enough to make me duck when things blew up, and feel dizzy with vertigo when we looked over the edge of cliffs.

One more comment about the 3D -- a guy in the row in front went to get popcorn, and I honestly was surprised to see that he didn't have to brush ferns out of his way to get back to his seat. I was completely engrossed in the entire experience.

I'm not saying this is a great film. The characters are too predictable, the plot too linear. The corporate/military tactics were implausible and in some cases, just plain silly. There weren't any fat aliens, nor any lifeforms that weren't direct descendants of Ray Harryhausen. But nothing about the plot or plausibility is SO horrible that it takes you out of the experience...and the visuals are simply marvelous.

I left the theater thinking I probably wouldn't go back to see it again, despite my enjoyment. But after further thought, I'm now inclined to go back and enjoy it at least one more time. Not sure I could handle IMAX without an airsickness bag, but I'd definitely like to do the 3D thing again.

I apologize if you were expecting a more detailed plot review. If you want more nitty gritty, let me know. But even if you're not into dragons and aliens and stuff, you might want to see this movie just for the experience of seeing some highly realistic giant trees, hammerhead stegosauri, and humongous cliffs. It'll be fun!

Whatever you do with the rest of your 2009, though, have fun and a fabulous New Years celebration!

End of Year Lists, Part 1

Don't you just love this time of year? You get to build open fires and throw chestnuts on them, sing about partridges, and even listen to Johnny Mathis without getting too creeped out. You hear more Bing Crosby than during any other month, have more office potluck parties, and get to see fat bearded guys get away with wearing fur-tufted coats without being attacked by PETA nutbags. It truly is the season to be jolly.

But in addition to all the festivities associated with religious holidays (like Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzimodo, and RamaLamaDingDong), we are also treated to some fabulous end-of-the-year traditions...like the traditional Year in Review lists.

You know, like "The Best Movies of 2009", or "The Most Important News Stories of 2009" (the list that lets everyone spend even more time basking in their fascination with weird dead drug-addled pervert pop stars, adulterous golfers, or scumbag politicians). People really dig that stuff. And being one who constantly caters to the desires of the P.T. Barnum demographic, I will probably post a "Best of 2009" list myself at some point. Maybe a list of "2009's Biggest Bonehead Monetary Expenditures Without Beneficial Results" or something. (Or maybe not; every item on that list would belong to the US Congress. Sigh.)

But for today, I'm going to provide a related theme; I'm just not going to restrict it to 2009. So, without further ado, here are some random selections from "Terry's Giant List of Overrated and Underrated Stuff."

Most Overrated Musicians: Bruce Springsteen, Sting, and U2. They are all like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Sting gets partial credit, I suppose, because he helped Timmy O'Toole get out of that well and stuff, but he's definitely no Robert Goulet. And Springsteen is nothing more than Fred Mertz with a bad chest cold.

U2 is just a tarted-up version of Riverdance. Their twangy guitars sound the same in every song—the rock equivalent of Michael Flatley's throw-yourself-off-the-roof fiddles. U2 isn't quite as creepy in their ambiguous sexuality as Flatley is, nor as overtly satanic, but are still the musical equivalent of chinese water torture. Dudes, if you're going to do druidic culture music, at least try to make the music tolerable, OK?



I haven't yet made a decision about this guy:


Most Underrated Band: Led Zeppelin and Domecube. Yeah, I know
that Led is already rated pretty high, but their name often appears in the same sentences with bands like the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, and Dr. Hook. C'mon -- those bands are good, but they are NOT in the same league with the Hammer of the Gods.

I know I'm a few decades late to make it happen, but if I could go back in time, I'd try to arrange a Texas Cage Death Match between Led Zeppelin and the Bee Gees. Just put both bands inside the Thunderdome and, you know, see what happens -- David Hasselhoff could be the referee.

OK, I was going to do the most overrated actors (can you say "Jack Nicholson"?), most overrated foods (I bet "sushi" will be on that list), and most overrated PC Operating Systems...but I've run out of time due to computer glitches on my Windows 7 machine. Perhaps I'll have a few other lists to close out the year. We'll see. In the meantime, enjoy the remainder of the Nat King Cole season, and have a great day!

Mysteries of the Universe

Hey, when stuff like this happens, you really need to make sure all of your loved ones know how to say "Klaatu Barada Nicto"...just in case.

Even though most sources agree that the Norwegian Sky Spiral was just an incontinent Rooskie rocket, I'd really like to see the conspiracy theorists hang onto this one. I'd enjoy seeing a Fox network special in a year or so, complete with interviews of guys in lab coats who have graphs that conclusively prove that it might've been a wormhole. I bet they could dig up a witness or two who were abducted and probed that night, too.

Perhaps examining the sky spiral will help us discover what really happened to Elvis. Who knows?

But it does seem to be a season for pondering mysteries, doesn't it? I took the photo above on my trip back from California. I love those giant windmills that line the barren highways of the empty states...and these looked particularly haunting as they materialized out of the ether. But I guess they're not particularly mysterious -- so let's talk about some things that DO defy understanding.

Like why in the world Windows 7 got such good reviews. I can certainly understand people being hopeful about the new operating system...after all, Microsoft has had an entire decade to fix all the stuff that was wrong with their main product. I was optimistic that my new computer would finally run all my cool software without slowing down, freezing, and driving me crazy. But no. I shoulda bought a Mac, I guess.

Or like why people don't accelerate to highway speeds when they have a long merge lane. Or why those boxes of Christmas chocolates have those teeth-breaker crap chunks in them, when all anybody really wants are the sweet, squishy ones. Or why people buy their chocolate from anyone other than Heggy's Chocolates.

Or why nobody protests or tries to find the perpetrators when people make fun of the prophet Nostradamus. Everybody has a total conniption fit when cartoons make fun of other so-called prophets, but Nostradamus seems to be fair game. What's up with that?

And when are we going to be finished with the lame line "Nobody beats _______. Nobody!"? I thought it was used up in "Back to the Future", and here we are in, well, the future...and people are still using that phrasing to sell mattresses, cars, and who knows what else. I'm over it.

With any luck, the Norwegian wormhole will open back up and we can sneak into it, go back in time and change the movie script so that Marty says "Of course you realize...this means WAR!" I can handle that line.

In the meantime, enjoy this lovely holiday season, and always...always watch the skies.

Adventures in California

I have much to share with you, my friends. But we'll have to do it on the installment plan -- I have to post this quickly so I can do all my morning stuff and still make it to the office on time to an early webcast. I'll probably take vacation later in the week to finish documenting our latest trip (and to complete the requisite laundry, household chores, jet lag recovery, etc.), but for now, I'll give you the short version:

Tanner and I just returned from a whirlwind trip to California. We drove over 2500 miles, experienced temperature changes from 70°F to -5°, changed altitude from over 11,000 feet to almost 250 feet below sea level, visited National Monuments, walked along the beach, risked death by speeding around snowplows in white-out highway conditions, visited brussels sprouts farms and barren salt flats...and attended a close friend's wedding. All in about 4 days.

An epic journey by any standards, wouldn't you say?

I'm pretty tired. My car needs an oil change. And Tanner probably won't want to have anything to do with me for several months after all this. But I had a lot of fun.

I just make a few comments and share a few photos, and save the rest of the description for later, OK? For now, just a few highlights:

Neither of us had been to Death Valley before, and especially since my car's A/C doesn't work, what better time than in December? It was comfortable, gorgeous, and surprisingly full of tourists.

We did the appropriate gawking, noticing that there was an overabundance of oxygen available for jogging up the hills to the vista points. We also saw a real life roadrunner. (It didn't beep. At least not while we were watching.) I suspect it was a permanent resident of the Visitor Center, because it didn't seem to be the least bit shy around all the dorky tourists with cameras.

We used our GPS locator to verify that the government wasn't lying to us about the elevation (the way they lied to us about the moon landings and Bruce Banner's gamma ray experiments). An interesting and unexpected discovery that accompanied the GPS use was that humans (at least the males in my family) are pretty bad at determining whether roads are really flat while driving. There were many times we felt we were level when we were really going up, and other times we felt like we were descending while maintaining a level altitude. On foot, I suspect we'd be accurate, but in the car, our internal change-in-level detection was iffy at best.

But the entire point of the trip was to attend Russ and Melinda's wedding. It was an excellent event -- a lovely ceremony followed by a fabulous reception. In addition to the food, music, and surprisingly impressive dancing performances by the happy couple and their parents, there was universal and enthusiastic endorsement of the marriage, and endless (and well-deserved, in my opinion) tributes to the awesomeness and sheer likeability of the newlyweds. I think everyone who attended had a great time.

Tanner and I had a great time, too. And as you might expect, I have much more to say about the wedding, the time spent with my kid, and the various positive and negative qualities discovered about Utah, Nevada, and California. There are more photos to share, and maybe even a short movie or two. Until then, have a great day!

Facebook Update

After having a conversation with someone for whom Facebook is a fascinating and riveting passtime, I finally understand its target audience.

Facebook is for Gladys Kravitz.

It's the new millenium's version of peeking out the window to see what the neighbors are up to. The cool thing about it is that it gives you access to many more neighbors than your own house ever could...and with hundreds (or thousands) of folks now residing on your virtual block, your chances of seeing a unicorn (or a spell-slinging senile crone with a bag of doorknobs or Uncle Arthur in a Superman costume) -- well, they're very high.

Now I understand it better. But because I tend to be more of the Darren Stevens type, I'm more likely to keep the curtains drawn. You never know when you'll have a living room full of monkeys or something.

Have a great day!

Happy Birthday, Compton E. Heggy!

My dad is now 90 years old, and still going strong. A fine excuse for a party, wouldn't you think?

Because his birthday falls so close to Thanksgiving, the celebration was scheduled for the Saturday following the holiday. It worked out perfectly -- a bunch of folks who were in town for turkey day were also able to attend the party, and a great crowd showed up.

I know, I know...since I took the trip, you're probably expecting a dazzling description of the natural beauty of western Kansas -- but I'll leave that to the poets and lyricists. I will say that the Flint Hills wind farm looks really cool at night, and kept Tanner and I occupied with speculation about how the airline warning light blink sequence is controlled. Is each tower on its own timer, or is there some sort of grand circuit that makes them blink like some sort of multi-mile discotheque?

Yeah, the boy and I actually do talk about stuff like that. Hey, when you're on a 9-hour drive through the flatest part of the country, your mind tends to grapple with questions about whether the lights on power towers are interpreted as inviting signals for extraterrestrial visitors, and stuff like that. We kept our eyes scanning the heavens for anything that would give us a Richard Dreyfuss sunburn, but the night remained as dull as the prairie itself. Oh well. Wichita would provide excitement for us, for sure, right?

OK. I guess there are multiple definitions of every word; excitement is in the eye of the beholder. The birthday party didn't start until evening, so we had the entire morning to do some um, "exciting" chores.

One of the reasons I remain so fabulously good looking, and am able to maintain my relentless charm and charisma is that I take great care to avoid manual labor whenever possible. But for some reason, every time I visit my dad I end up enlisted in some variety of backbreaking work. The pharaoh-esque project for this trip was moving a couple of tons of mulch from a pile in the front yard all the way around to the back yard. Fortunately, everybody pitched in and we got the job done with only minor aches and pains distributed among the group. I can't believe I forgot to take a picture of the barrel brigade in action...it was probably more dramatic than any of the party photos.

But the party was fine, indeed. Plenty of food, a bunch of cheerful guests, and some heartfelt toasts that reflected the respect and admiration that everyone has for my father. He even gave a brief speech. And then we had cake.



After the speeches, it was time for photos. Since they wanted me to be in several of the photos, my camera ended up being passed around, and some of the shots were from the "cut off the heads" school of composition. But that's OK -- we all had a good time.
I may have other observations to add later, but for now, let's just say that the trip, the party, the friends and relatives...well, they were all just swell. Such swellness may make for dull bloggery, but I appreciate your patronage, nonetheless. Maybe the next adventure will provide more fireworks and scandal. Until then, please give my dad a high five if you see him, and have a great day!