End of Year Lists, Part 1

Don't you just love this time of year? You get to build open fires and throw chestnuts on them, sing about partridges, and even listen to Johnny Mathis without getting too creeped out. You hear more Bing Crosby than during any other month, have more office potluck parties, and get to see fat bearded guys get away with wearing fur-tufted coats without being attacked by PETA nutbags. It truly is the season to be jolly.

But in addition to all the festivities associated with religious holidays (like Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzimodo, and RamaLamaDingDong), we are also treated to some fabulous end-of-the-year traditions...like the traditional Year in Review lists.

You know, like "The Best Movies of 2009", or "The Most Important News Stories of 2009" (the list that lets everyone spend even more time basking in their fascination with weird dead drug-addled pervert pop stars, adulterous golfers, or scumbag politicians). People really dig that stuff. And being one who constantly caters to the desires of the P.T. Barnum demographic, I will probably post a "Best of 2009" list myself at some point. Maybe a list of "2009's Biggest Bonehead Monetary Expenditures Without Beneficial Results" or something. (Or maybe not; every item on that list would belong to the US Congress. Sigh.)

But for today, I'm going to provide a related theme; I'm just not going to restrict it to 2009. So, without further ado, here are some random selections from "Terry's Giant List of Overrated and Underrated Stuff."

Most Overrated Musicians: Bruce Springsteen, Sting, and U2. They are all like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Sting gets partial credit, I suppose, because he helped Timmy O'Toole get out of that well and stuff, but he's definitely no Robert Goulet. And Springsteen is nothing more than Fred Mertz with a bad chest cold.

U2 is just a tarted-up version of Riverdance. Their twangy guitars sound the same in every song—the rock equivalent of Michael Flatley's throw-yourself-off-the-roof fiddles. U2 isn't quite as creepy in their ambiguous sexuality as Flatley is, nor as overtly satanic, but are still the musical equivalent of chinese water torture. Dudes, if you're going to do druidic culture music, at least try to make the music tolerable, OK?



I haven't yet made a decision about this guy:


Most Underrated Band: Led Zeppelin and Domecube. Yeah, I know
that Led is already rated pretty high, but their name often appears in the same sentences with bands like the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, and Dr. Hook. C'mon -- those bands are good, but they are NOT in the same league with the Hammer of the Gods.

I know I'm a few decades late to make it happen, but if I could go back in time, I'd try to arrange a Texas Cage Death Match between Led Zeppelin and the Bee Gees. Just put both bands inside the Thunderdome and, you know, see what happens -- David Hasselhoff could be the referee.

OK, I was going to do the most overrated actors (can you say "Jack Nicholson"?), most overrated foods (I bet "sushi" will be on that list), and most overrated PC Operating Systems...but I've run out of time due to computer glitches on my Windows 7 machine. Perhaps I'll have a few other lists to close out the year. We'll see. In the meantime, enjoy the remainder of the Nat King Cole season, and have a great day!