Modern Technology

People I've never heard of keep signing up to follow me on Twitter.

This would be flattering, except for the following: 1) I have never ever posted a "tweet" and have no plans to ever do so, and 2)I can't believe that the individual moments of my life as an corporate drone and waterlogged chlorine-o-phile would be of interest to anyone.

[Question: How does your last statement correlate with the fact that you obviously think someone is reading this blog?
Answer: Shut up.]

Oh, I suppose I could write tweets with a creative twist -- say, as if I were a big game hunter on safari (4am: Just shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.) or a jazz trumpet player (10:00am GMT: Had tea with Queen, charted North Pole, settled Spanish revolution. Relationship inertia continues.) or even Al Davis (5:00pm: Received results from latest medical exam and am hoping for good news. 5:05pm: No luck. I'm still a douchebag.)

But even if I were inclined to share my instantaneous thoughts with the world at large, I don't think I'd have time to do it.

[Question: So why on earth did you sign up for a Twitter account in the first place?
Answer: Because yo' mama told me to. Now shut up!]

Actually, I did consider the idea at one time. My favorite writer (James Lileks) does it, and it seems to work for him. But once I set up the account, I realized that I'd need a mobile device that would make it easy to instantly record and post any post-worthy thoughts I might have...and I just don't want to buy and carry one of those geegaws. Plus, it would require entirely too much brainpower to complete the required algorithm:

1. Develop a worthwhile thought.
2. Whip out the Twitter-capable device and type the required keystrokes...without forgetting what the worthwhile thought was in the first place.
3. Upload the Tweet.
4. Pocket the device and remember what the heck you were doing when the aforementioned thought made its appearance.

I'm pretty sure I don't have the cranial computing power required to accomplish all that. Nor the monthly budget to pay for the groovey iPhone subscription or whatever it would take. So...I have a Twitter account with a bunch of followers, but nothing for them to follow.

So, let's talk about Facebook. I'm sure you're just dying to know my innermost thoughts about that fascinating topic. Unfortunately, I'm out of time for now, so we'll begin that discussion in my new entry. Until then, happy tweeting...and have a great day!