Unjustified Panic

When, exactly, did we become a nation of wimps and fraidy-cats, anyway?

I think it might have something to do with the emergence of the Internet as the venue of choice for retrieving information. It's making the traditional news media freak out...and in their desperation to retain some relevance in our society, they have learned to routinely create panic and monger fear as their core business model.

[Side question: Why isn't the word "monger" used more extensively these days? It's a perfectly cromulent word, and it has that interesting "MNG" phoneme, which always reminds me of Ming the Merciless, who, come to think about it, is another interesting topic that doesn't get much press these days. Anyway, wouldn't it be possible to monger other things besides "hate", "fear", and "fish.]

I know what you're thinking. You're probably assuming that I'm talking about the Iranian nuclear program, and the fact that some irresponsible news outlets are discussing it as if weapons of mass destruction in the hands of a megalomaniac dictator with fanatic devotion to the annihilation of specific countries and groups of people is a credible threat to world peace. Well of course I think that's ridiculous...when has a crazy dictator ever actually used his country's weapons to wage genocidal war on anyone? (I'll confess that I'm not really a devoted student of history, but I'm pretty sure it has never happened.)

Or you might be thinking that I'm just annoyed that I didn't invest in Purell stock right before the Swine Flu panic created a market explosion for both hand sanitizer and the placards that tell everyone (not just fast food employees) to sterilize their hands.

But no, I'm talking about the fact that we've begun to pre-emptively shut down civilization if the news media weather forecasters tell us it's going to snow more than one inch. Geez.

I live in Colorado. In addition to having some of the most beautiful scenery in the world, fascinating historical sites, and the occasionally successful sports team, the state is also known for being the premier ski destination in the country. In other words, people, sometimes it snows here! You'd think that the folks who live here would be prepared to deal with a bit of the white stuff every now and then.

The fact is that the weather in this great state has been known to change from shorts-wearin' balmy to fireplace snugglin' frigidity within a matter of hours. In fact, I have created a phrase to succinctly define this tendency: "If you don't like the weather in Colorado, wait a minute." [Note: you may quote me on this, but please be sure to attribute it appropriately. I just now made it up, but I suspect it has the potential to be repeated.]

Our last snowstorm did indeed create some hostile conditions, including icy roads and a need to break out the windshield scrapers. But there was no reason at all to close businesses, schools, and swimming pools. And what was most annoying about it was that they announced many of these closures before the first inch of snow was on the ground. In other words, they believed the forecasters without question...when weather forecasting has been repeatedly documented as being the most chronically incorrect profession that exists on the planet. (Well, except for "predicting that increasing taxes to solve social problems will work", that is.)

But it shouldn't matter; even if the predictions were accurate and it was the King-daddy blizzard of all time, most of us would still be able to get through it. Why, when I was a kid, we walked 27 miles to school, uphill through 4 feet of snow, carrying our books, band instruments, and lunch pails, in the middle of the night while being chased by rabid wolves. Today we have all-wheel drive Japanese cars, magnesium chloride, and talking GPS devices. Shouldn't it be easier to get through it all?

(Well, OK, with the various government agency budget crises, I guess we should expect some, um, reduced services when it comes to plowing and de-icing. But every neighborhood has a few guys with snow-bladed monster trucks; maybe we could pitch in and give 'em a few bucks to dig out our side streets so the good people on the government payroll don't have to. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?)

OK, I've done my griping for today. Sorry for being all whiny and grumpy and stuff. And to be honest, I really wouldn't mind having a stay-home snow day once in a while...so I could sit in front of the fireplace and drink hot chocolate and read a good "aliens and robots" novel. But I do have my reputation as a crackpot curmudgeon to maintain, and when a writer gets an opportunity to use the "uphill through the snow" line, he is required by Union rules to find a way to work it into the text.

But this is Colorado, and despite the closures, traffic snarls, and apocalyptic wails of woe from the media, we'll probably be back in shorts and t-shirts by the weekend. But even if the snow sticks around, get out and enjoy it, my friends. Build a snowman, make snow angels, and lob a snowball or two at anyone who appears ready to blame the above-average snowfall on Global Warming. Take some photos of the pretty, white-draped trees, too, and have a great day!