Peace and Tranquility

My home computer has kicked the bucket. It has joined the digital choir invisible.

At first I thought it was pining for the fjords, since it had failed to boot on numerous occasions before. But in each of those previous circumstances, it came to life on the second or third time I pushed the button. On Friday, I pushed the button with increasing Pavlovian desperation over a period of hours without ever receiving positive reinforcement. It was quite utterly and thoroughly dead.

This is not a huge disaster; everything is backed up in the cloud (thanks to the good folks at Carbonite). But it IS a royal pain in the Jeffries Tube. After all, it's not as if my calendar has yawning gaps where I could easily pencil in a day or two of hardware analysis plus a few dozen hours of software reinstalls. It's not as if I'm looking for excuses to further isolate myself from polite society. In fact, I think I'd rather prefer to spend my running in Waterton or riding in Deer Creek Canyon...and enjoying the company of the athletes who are out rejoicing in the early Spring weather.

But no. I spent most of the weekend dealing with the consequences of motherboard mortality. Not much fun.

[Interlude: Why is "choir" pronounced "kwyer," instead of "cho-ear"?]

I had a decision to make. Should I try to reanimate the dead box by applying scientific troubleshooting techniques that might awaken my dormant IT skills? Or should I go into debt to purchase a brand new computer, knowing full well that my employment situation is tenuous at best? Or...should I coerce some youngster into teaching me how to do email and banking on my smart phone, while deflecting any word processing or graphics tasks into after-hours work on my office laptop?

None of those options sounded appealing. I decided instead to go ahead and convert my video editing workstation into a daily-use computer. I had hoped to keep it isolated from potential virus problems and the general software bloat that happens to cloud-connected machines...but it's not that great of a video workstation anyway. (It takes far too long to render files for DVD burning.) If my everyday usage renders it unsuitable for my media work, then I suppose I can always go buy a new system at that point. For now, I'm going to try to get by on a single computer.

I went online and found that MicroCenter had a USB hard drive docking station that I could use to transfer data from the dead computer's disks to the working PC...assuming the disks weren't the reason for the machine's demise in the first place. Their website said that orders placed online would be available for pickup in 18 minutes, so I placed my order and headed across town.

Arriving after a 30-minute commute, I knew I had made a mistake when I saw that the store's parking lot was empty. Of course; Easter Sunday. I should've been able to figure that out -- after all, the reason I had time to drive across town was that my swim practice was cancelled because the pool was closed for the holiday.

Still, the MicroCenter shopping cart site should've said "Your order will be ready in 18 minutes...UNLESS WE LIED ABOUT BEING OPEN during the time you're planning to visit."

Sigh. Oh well, at least I'm still enjoying my new car. I was able to listen to a bunch of good BTO songs during the long and unproductive drive.

One other quick story to relate:

I was recently at a restaurant where an older woman at a nearby table started choking. Her table-mates reacted quickly, as did several other folks from the restaurant. The man she was with performed the Heimlich maneuver a couple of times without success...but then finally dislodged the offending relleno (or whatever.) The entire incident probably too less than a minute, and the woman was fine. Paramedics showed up within another couple of minutes to check her out, and it appeared that they declared her 100% healthy.

What impressed me was how many people jumped up to help. By the time I noticed the activity, there were already folks standing in line to give the Heimlich a shot if the first guy hadn't been successful. It reminded me of this scene:




Anyway, it made me wonder if this technique (unknown anywhere prior to 1974) is now universally understood...or if it's just been propagated throughout the universe of Mexican restaurant patrons? Would the same line of helpful Heimlichers queue up if I choked on a baguette at a French restaurant? Or would the folks there simply mime the act of dialing 911 from inside a glass box? If you inhaled a wad of kelp at a sushi restaurant, would they dislodge it with karate chops?

Which reminds me; I'm scheduled to renew my CPR certification in a couple of weeks. I'll let you know how that goes. In the meantime, I'll be busy with all the tasks involved in transferring everything to a new computer, as well as the remainder of my home organization project. I'm also getting some old home videos transferred to DVD. If I happen to find any good clips within those archives, I might try to get them posted. And of course, it's time to get serious about my triathlon training, too. There's just not enough time to get everything done.

But at least I'm in no danger of becoming bored, right? It's definitely time to shift into summer mode, so let's all enjoy the season, and have a great day!

Weak Ketchup

Just in case you didn't get the title of yesterday's post...

And by the way, the green guy was supposed to be a comical Gorn.

(If you're wondering if the guy who made the phlegmatic Gorn noises during the battle with Kirk listed that voiceover as a major accomplishment in his acting portfolio, I'm guessing the answer is "No." After all, Ted Cassidy also played "Roc" in the Roger Corby episode, and became really well known for his role as "Lurch" on The Addams Family, and for getting kicked in the crotch by Paul Newman.)

Anyway, I have no particular thoughts to share with you today -- no points to make, and no philosophical revelations upon which to pontificate. What I will do is share a few photos. This one is me roasting marshmallows during the trip to Breckenridge last month. (I still have more sledding photos to share, but have additional processing to do.)

I love s'mores...always have. My first exposure was when my sister learned about the concept in the Girl Scouts.

And as lame as Girl Scouts are when compared to the outdoorsy manliness exhibited by the BOY Scouts, they would at least agree that a gas flame is not the proper environment in which to toast your 'schmellers. You need to burn pine for the most authentic s'mores experience. No doubt about that.

But I will confess that I rather enjoy microwaved s'mores, too. And if you're in a hurry, the S'mores Pop Tarts are pretty darn good, too.

Anyway, here's another memory from the Breckenridge trip. Val's sister (Les, who generously provided the hotel rooms for the weekend) purchased this lovely carved Jayhawk to use as a talisman in her garden back home in Mississippi. I'm not really sure what to think of that.

I'm not exactly sure why I don't immerse myself in KU memorabilia the way many of my friends and relatives do. In fact, I was just reminiscing with my college roommate about how my memories of my time in Lawrence are almost universally positive. (Some are really special, and I hope to share some of those in future posts.) And sure, I'd prefer to see them be National Champs in basketball, and still think the campus is probably the most beautiful location in all of Kansas. But I suspect that possessing such a carving in my yard would be less a reminder of school pride than fuel for recurring hideous mascot nightmares.

And speaking of evil from the netherworld...



This brazen opossum was grazing in the parking lot of the local Subway in Julesburg, Colorado, where we were dining after shooting an interview for the Veterans History Project. I have no other comment about this, except to say that based on the lack of concern he showed when the car backed up, I would not be surprised if he is now merely a dark stain on the pavement somewhere around there.

And finally...a photo of a couple of outstanding athletes. John and Leif were kind enough to pose in front of the buffalo after we had post-meet ice cream during the State Championships in Grand Junction. I have no idea why, but there were all sorts of statues along main street. I chose this one because it was actually taller than Leif.

As I said, there are more pictures sitting in the camera. If any of them turn out to be share-worthy, I may end up with another post of random images like this. Sounds like fun to me. Have a great day!

Newman, Coordinate

I have no idea if Ron Howard reads this blog. If so, then I want to take this opportunity to apologize for all the "Dopie Opie" comments over the years.

In fact, I'd also like to apologize to Michael Bay, Cubby Brocolli, Steven Seagal, and any other Hollywood bigwigs I may have disrespected over the years. (No apologies to Sherwood Schwartz, though -- his crimes are unforgivable.)

You see, I'm probably gonna need help from one of those guys to get my next entrepreneurial idea off the ground. It's a good one, though, so I'm optimistic that today's post will result in lucrative contract offers from all the top producers. Due to my good looks and mad acting skillz, they'll probably want me to play a starship captain...but I'd be content just to pick up a few million as a script consultant.

The idea is simple: We'll just mix Star Trek ideas with successful plots from other shows. Let me share some examples.

• A large alien lizard overcomes amnesia to realize that he is actually a dangerous CIA spy. It's called "The Gorn Identity."


• A hunky lifeguard-type dude solves crimes with the help of his talking car. The only problem is that the car has developed self-preservation instincts and starts to kill people. It's called "Knight and Daystrom."


• Jack Lord stars as a hard-boiled cop who, along with his assistant (Sulu as Kono) uses mind-altering earwigs to track down bio-engineered outlaws in "Ceti-Alpha Five-0".


• A group of obese contestants combine diet and exercise to become healthier, while a trio of disembodied brains wagers on who will become "The Biggest Quatloser".


• The Autobots adopt Star Fleet regulations and try harder not to interfere with the development of human civilization in "The Optimus Prime Directive."


• Bela Oxmyx and Jojo Krako give up being gangsters when they realize that there's more profit and less danger in the restaurant business. Now the only heaters they use are inside the ovens, in "A Pizza the Action."


• Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn are floating down the Mississippi, only this time they're sharing their watercraft with an escapee from the Botany Bay. It's bad luck to be on "The Raft of Khan."


• And finally, the one most likely to get me hired (because it employs Ron Howard's brother and JJ Walker) is a story about a couple of funny-looking aliens who get their kicks by annoying passing starships. The show is called, of course, "Corb-O-MITE!"

OK, that's enough for today. If you know any Star Trek nerds or Hollywood producers who don't read this blog, feel free to try these ideas out on them. Any one of these shows has to be better than what the networks are currently doing, am I right?

Thanks for dropping by, and have a great day!

Shore Leave

No one questions the fact that DC Comics suck eggs when compared to Marvel. But you still feel no particular shame in reading one. After all, Batman and Clark Kent have done reasonably well as cinematic characters, and the Flash sets the fashion standard for lightning-bolt headwear. They won't ever compare favorably with Spidey or Iron Man...but they're certainly tolerable.

But what about Harvey Comics? They are the unmentionables of the comics world. Harvey is to comic books what the Oakland Raiders are to football -- what Timothy Dalton is to James Bond -- what Oklahoma is to US States. An abomination by any standard.

And yet, Stumbo is the fellow who popped into my head when I started wondering whether giants have extra-large blood cells...or whether they just have a gazillion more of them. After all, ostriches lay humongous eggs; why shouldn't giants have whopper platelets?

And why do we use the word "plasma" to describe blood fluid AND the fourth state of matter? And for that matter, why does the word "gas" describe both a chemical in a vaporous state and a good time had by beatniks? And why does "solid" refer to something that is structurally rigid while also having the meaning of "chopped lettuce and other garden vegetables, usually served before the entrée?"

Oops, sorry, I guess I have a bit of an accent.

Anyway, the point is that I am finished with proposal pressures for a few weeks, and can finally spend some time thinking about philosophical stuff instead of worrying about passive voice sentences and subject/verb agreement. I can finally relax a bit, and then begin to catch up on all the life elements I've been ignoring (laundry, paying bills, having a social life, etc.)

Let us begin by discussing our latest puzzle. I knew this one was too easy; everybody knew that the answer was "ork." (This is not to be confused with the "orc" from Tolkien's universe. Those guys are fairly nasty, when the people in our puzzle -- with the possible exception of Robin Williams -- are genial and pleasant.)



First, we have Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who achieved some notoriety for his accomplishments in medicine and treatment of disease. Next to him is the alien known as Mork, who provides a compelling argument for stricter immigration enforcement. To his right is Judge Robert Bork, who was once nominated to the Supreme Court, but was rejected because he had a stupid beard.

To the best of my knowledge, Porky Pig has never been considered for public office, though I would definitely support him if he ran for Congress. Just think how much better things would be if our representatives could look at the Treasury's revenue numbers and simply say "That's all, folks!"

The smiling fellow on the phone is Darrin Stephens, played by actor Dick York. I have to confess that I watched "Bewitched" mainly because of the appeal of Elizabeth Montgomery...but would've switched it off instantly if I had to rely on plot points alone. I cannot, in my wildest dreams, imagine a universe in which a man would not take full advantage of his spouse's magical powers. (And this includes YOU, Major Anthony Nelson.)

And finally, we have Peter Halsten Thorkelson, who was the blond member of the Monkees. I shall leave you today with the opportunity to listen to Mr. Thorkelson's melodious voice. Please enjoy it, and have a great day!

Brains

Would a Jedi's light saber have the same effect on a vampire that a wooden stake does? What about zombies?

I'm guessing that it would be quite effective. And there's no doubt in my mind that a movie about Jedi battles with zombies would be epic. (You'd still need C3PO for comic relief, even though he has no organic brain to tempt the somnambulators.)

You may wonder why I'm thinking about zombies. Well, it's because these proposals have completely fried my brain. So, on one hand, I feel like an animated corpse, shuffling around with a vacant expression and no particular cognizance of my surroundings. But on the other, I have to wonder if any zombies would bother trying to eat my brain at all -- since it's been reduced to a charred and useless pile of cranial dust.

I need a nap and a vacation. And probably some Prozac-laced ice cream. But I'll get none of those things until after next Monday.

Therefore, I shall leave you with a simple puzzle to solve. What's the link among these fine gentlemen? (Click to embiggen.)



We may have to explore which sci-fi invention would be the best defense against various nemesi (nemisises?). Phasers would be pretty handy against pretty much any sort of undead beastie, but as we saw in the battle against the Yangs, the power packs only last so long. But other than the specific use Khan put them to, what good would Ceti-Alpha Five earwigs be?

I'll have to think about it after the nap. Until then, have a great day!

H. Landru Pufnstuff

Sometimes I tire of making my own decisions.

In many ways, life would be easier if there were a dragon-headed planetary computer deity who took care of all the big stuff and left us with nothing stressful to do. Life could be idyllic if the only thing you had to do was put on a skirt, keep your hair dyed nice and blond, and get a good tan.

But then I think about how upset I get when politicians start telling me how big my soda ought to be or what kind of hamburger I can eat, and I realize that I probably wouldn't do well in such an environment.

Despite the fact that most of my decision making concerns such epic choices as which T-shirt to wear and which Netflix movie to stream, I must admit that I cherish my freedom to make those choices.

I also enjoy my freedom to spent my life pondering questions that no one else cares to ask. For example, what caused body art to go from the fringes to the mainstream? When I was a kid, the only people who had tattoos were sailors of questionable character...and the totality of their inkage consisted of an anchor (or heart) drawn on their left shoulder. Now, pretty much everyone has some sort of embellishment, from tweety birds and adorable dolphins to complete renderings of the Devil having his way with Ned Beatty. It kinda freaks me out.

I blame it on this chick.

Somehow, she not only pulls off looking good with facial tattoos, but also makes flowers seem like reasonable headgear. Normally, I'm not a flower guy at all, but if I were to meet this gal during one of Vaal's fertility rituals, I would definitely be willing to invite her out for some coconut milk or whatever.

But despite Sayana's appeal, I still have no plans to adorn my skin with anything other than sunscreen. Popeye and Bluto are welcome to their anchors, and Mike Tyson can have his...whatever it is...but my intention is to remain pristine. (And even if I did get a tattoo, it would probably be nothing more than a tiny and discreet Blue Oyster Cult symbol.)

I have no idea whether J. Edgar Hoover had any tattoos. And that has nothing to do with the quiz, or what any of these guys have in common. It's just about their names.



From left to right on the top row, we have:
J. Edgar Hoover
M. Emmet Walsh
L. Ron Hubbard
J. Pat O'Malley

The second row contains:
C. Thomas Howell
F. Murray Abraham
W. Edwards Deming
R. Daneel Olivaw

So, the answer then, is obvious: They are all guys who were known by their first initial and middle name.

Hoover, of course, was the guy who invented the vacuum cleaner.

Just kidding! He was actually the director of the FBI for several decades, including when I was a youth.

Walsh is an actor who specialized in playing sleazeball characters, and is shown here as a grimy detective in the movie "Blood Simple." (If you haven't seen it and don't mind a bit of gore, I recommend it. You think you know what's going to happen, but you're wrong.)

Hubbard invented Scientology, which is responsible for Isaac Hayes quitting South Park. It may just be a coincidence, but in this picture, he kinda reminds me of Mel Brooks.

O'Malley was in a billion movies and TV shows; kind of a funnier version of Keenan Wynn.

Howell was a reasonably successful youth actor, and is still showing up on TV now and then. Abraham won an Oscar for killing Amadeus.

Deming was the management guru credited for the turn-around of Japanese industry after WWII. He then returned to the US and annoyed people in our companies for another decade or so.

The last guy is fictional. (Sorry about that.) R. Daneel Olivaw was Isaac Asimov's recurring robot character, who started out as an apprentice detective, and ended up running the Galaxy. Olivaw eventually crossed over from the Robot Series into the Foundation Series, and his stories are definitely worth reading. And while I'm sure you're all familiar with the Three Laws of Robotics, you may not be able to quote the "Zeroth" Law (the fourth to be delineated, but one which supersedes the others), which drives much of what R. Daneel accomplishes over his prolonged period of existence. I will leave that discussion for another time, though.

The "bonus" photo was of the gal who played the mom in "E.T."...who went by the name Dee Wallace Stone. I threw that in because "Dee" could be written as "D." and it would be pronounced the same. Get it?

Aw come on, that was legit. If it weren't for me taking a few liberties with the rules here and there, these quizzes would present no challenge at all. And where's the fun in that?

Anyway, if you have already finished all of Asimov's books and still have extra time to kill, you may find it interesting to read about Deming's ideas. I cannot recommend Hubbard, though. While his ability to convince people to buy into his prefab "cuckoo for cocoa puffs" looney-bin claptrap sets an example of world-class manipulation skills, I find that his writing just isn't all that much fun to read. If you're that interested, you can get the gist of it by watching a short YouTube clip.

As for future posts, well, the good news is that I should have more time to write in the coming weeks. I have another name game coming up, as well as some comments about a guy who is stronger than Billy Jack. And of course, I still owe you some pictures from my Breckenridge trip and the State Championship swim meet. Please drop by for those topics over the next week or so, and have a great day!

Peace and Tranquility

I am not a Type-A personality.

I am generally a mellow fellow, and I enjoy relaxing and contemplating the beauty of the universe while I let other folks worry about how the Prime Directive impacts Festival, and all that sort of thing.

Wikipedia says that Type-B people enjoy exploring ideas and concepts. "They are often reflective, thinking about the outer and inner worlds." That sounds like me, don't you think?



Lately, though, I have found myself engaging in an unacceptably high number of Type-A behaviors. I can't even tell you when I last sat on a mountaintop in a saffron robe. It seems like all I've been doing is working and worrying and stressing myself out.

That's no fun. If I were living in the Stanley Hotel, I'd probably be looking for a fire axe right about now. I definitely need to chill out.

Some of the recent frenzy has been fun. There was Tanner's visit, and the State Championship Swim Meet, for example. (I still hope to post reviews of those experiences in the near future.) But there have also been an uninterrupted series of critical proposals and presentations for my day job, which has happened in the shadow of layoffs and the associated corporate turmoil...as well as a high volume of volunteer activities happening at the same time (parks passes, veterans interviews, etc.) The truth is that almost everything I've been doing is fun (or at least satisfying) at some level -- but there's just been, well, too darn much of it.

Obviously, my writing has suffered, as has my athletic training. I highly appreciate your patience with the gaps in this blog, and I appreciate the continued support of my athlete friends who are always there with words of encouragement and cheer. But the good news is that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Beginning early next week, there should be a break in the proposal workload at the office, and I should be caught up on my veterans interviews. Perhaps by Easter I will actually have a chance to decompress a bit.

In the meantime, you can start thinking about this next quiz. What do the following folks have in common? (Click to embiggen.)



Yeah, I know...some of those faces may not be instantly recognizable, though I suspect you do know the names. But you'll only need a couple to identify the common theme. And to help you out, here's one more picture that almost fits the theme, but doesn't quite.

Good luck figuring it out. I'll give you bonus points if you can correctly identify each of the faces...and extra bonus points if you spell the names correctly.

I may not be able to post the answers for a few days, as I remain immersed in Type-A mode to finish up this next batch of proposals. But I already have several other topics waiting in the discussion queue, so when I finally get a break, there should be several interesting essay I can post within short order. It'll be fun, I promise, so please keep checking in. As always, thanks for dropping by, and have a great day!