Runnin'

Well, one mystery has been solved: The missing knife had fallen into the ointment drawer. Not sure how that happened, since I don't think the drawer was open when I bumped the knife off the counter. But it was dark, and I suppose it's more plausible to think that the normally-closed drawer was open and the "clattering on the floor" sound was really my sleepy misinterpretation of "clattering in the drawer"...than to suppose that the knife hit the floor, waited for me to leave the room, then crawled itself back up the cabinet and snuggled itself in among the BenGay and Vaseline.

But who really knows for sure?

Anyway, it's been an interesting week, which I'll get to in a moment. First, though: Pirates.



The first panel actually initiates a new mystery for us: Why don't any parents name their little boys "Errol" anymore? And why would pirates wear their hair long, anyway? They had plenty of hair-cutting tools, what with all the cutlasses and daggers and such...you'd think being at sea would make shampooing a luxury, and therefore a nice buzzcut would be the reasonable choice, right? Anyway, the film is "Captain Blood", and Errol Flynn flashed his blade and his smile with equal expertise.

The second fellow is the Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Westley the Stable Boy), played by Cary Elwes in "The Princess Bride". (I don't know of any other Westleys, either, come to think of it.) This might be my favorite cinematic pirate, mostly because of the style with which he dispatches Spaniards, Giants, and Geniuses.

Robert Shaw's best-known seafaring role is probably as Cap'n Quint in "Jaws", but he also made a B-grade pirate movie entitled "Swashbuckler." Despite its less-than-stellar box office performance, the movie did feature a few other stars, such as James Earl Jones (Darth Vader), Peter Boyle (Frankenstein's Monster), and Angelica Huston, who was also in "Ice Pirates"...which happens to be the film featured in the next panel.

I'm not sure why, but I enjoyed "Ice Pirates." It's pretty stupid, and one of the pirates (John Matuzak) had the unforgivable character flaw of playing for the Oakland Raiders...but on the plus side, it has Ron Perlman (Beauty and the Beast, Hellboy) without makeup. With the possible exception of Ray Park (Darth Maul, Toad), Perlman is the world's most successful and memorable actor who's usually covered by latex and paint. Anyway, I had a few laughs while watching it. Robert Urich (SWAT, Vegas, and about 100 other TV shows) gets the lead billing and is an acceptable, if overly eloquent pirate.

The bandana-headed fellow in the next panel is Alan Tudyk as "Steve the Pirate" in the movie "Dodgeball". Tudyk's breakout role was as the starship pilot in "Serenity", but he's been in a million other shows, too, and is always good. He doesn't really do any swashbuckling or plundering (or any other piratical activities) in Dodgeball, but he's an essential part of the team, nonetheless.

And the last guy is Anthony Michael Hall (16 Candles Geek, Rusty Griswold, the Dead Zone) as Bill Gates in "The Pirates of Silicon Valley". I know everyone was thinking it was Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, and I do recognize the resemblance, but no. (I thought the PC was a pretty big hint.)

Anyway, last weekend was an interesting one, and it involved lots of running (most of which was not mine). On Saturday, I went downtown to watch some friends run in the Denver Rock n' Roll Marathon and Half-Marathon. I didn't see any pirates, but there were some coneheads, men wearing tutus, and tons of eye-searingly bright running shoes.



It's an indisputable fact that swimmers are the world's highest quality group of people -- greatly exceeding societal norms in every measure of intelligence, personality, and general goodness -- but I have to say that a bunch of runners can constitute an aesthetically pleasing subsection of humanity, as well. And having 15,000 of them in Civic Center Park gives the city a joyful and infectious energy that just makes you darn glad to be an American. To paraphrase the old fishing axiom, the worst day at a race event is better than the best day in the office. I couldn't stop smiling as I watched folks herd themselves into their starting pens.

It made me wish that I could run another marathon someday. Hmm. Well, who knows? I suppose it's possible.

One of the nice things about the racecourse is that it loops around in such a way that you can see the runners multiple times without having to travel all that far. It was only a couple of blocks from the start to the 3 mile mark, where you could see the runners amid the gleaming towers of commerce. I brought a mountain bike, and was able to travel to many different spots during the race, and also to listen to several of the different rock bands that played for the runners.

Over the next 4 hours or so, I rode the bike around to various vantage points and stopped to cheer, take photos, and marvel at the spectacle of so many people pushing themselves to go farther and faster. It was a beautiful day, and there was plenty to see.




I got a little bit of exercise from riding around, but nothing like the athletes in the race. The big smile at the left belongs to Runner's Roost athlete Katie Oglesby, who was photographed just as she was about to complete the first of her "4 marathons in 37 days" to qualify her for the Gold level of Marathon Maniacs. One of the things I love about races like this is how many smiles you see at the finish from people who have just undergone an ordeal that most people on the planet couldn't get through at all. You know they're hurting, big-time, but they still manage to derive enjoyment from it. Very cool.

I find it inspiring.

So...guess what I did the next day? That's right -- a long run. I tested my legs in Waterton Canyon for a little over 8 miles on Sunday. (Well, OK, by Marathon Maniacs standards, that distance would be considered nothing more than a light warmup. But I have to start somewhere, right?) This was the beginning of my plan to run farther, more frequently, and with stride lengths that accomodate my chronic funky hamstring problem. I was off to a great start!

But then I caught a cold, darn it. Didn't exercise at all on Monday or Tuesday. But I'll be starting up again soon, and will keep you posted. In the meantime, be sure to get outside to enjoy the lovely fall weather, and have a great day!

Mysteries of the Universe

The first mystery on today's list is the question of why pirates are usually portrayed as glamourous and lovable characters, and why we think they all had parrots and said "arrrgh". In reality, pirates are really bad and nasty people who probably smell terrible, and who contribute nothing to society but instead just forcibly take things away from those who have worked hard. They're kinda like Congressmen, I guess.

So, who are these movie pirates? Bonus points if you can name the actor and the movie, as well as the character. (Click on the picture to enlarge.) Good luck!

Today's second mystery is what happened to the plastic knife I was using to spread the skin cancer ointment onto my nose.

The instructions that came with the medicine boldly emphasize that you aren't supposed to get this goo on your hands, if possible. But you ARE supposed to rub in into the affect area (ie, the suspicious spot on my nose.) The first day, I tried a Q-Tip, but found that the cotton absorbed too much of the goo and didn't give me the control I wanted for spreading it around. I thought about using a kitchen knife, but realized that the toxic cream could either erode the metal or damage my insides if I used the knife again without somehow giving it an industrial sterilization. But I did have a spare plastic knife from some box lunch packet, so I've been using that as a medication spreader.

I put the ointment tube and the knife on the bathroom counter when I went to bed, since I'd be using them again when I got up in the morning. And as often occurs when I drink a lot of water before going to bed, a midnight potty break seemed like a prudent idea. I never turn on the lights for such events -- I know where everything is, and can find my way around in the dark -- so when it came time to wash my hands, I blindly reached for where I knew the faucet was. I felt my hand brush the knife, and then heard the clatter of plastic falling off the counter. I knew it was the medicine knife, and knew it would survive the fall. I'd pick it up off the floor in the morning.

But it wasn't there. When I arose for good, I turned on the light and scanned the bathroom tile. No knife. I was certain I had knocked it off, but I also checked the counter, just to be sure. No knife. Under the rug? Well, that would be insanely improbable, but I checked there, too. Behind the wastebasket? No knife. Under the guitar? Uh uh.

The thing has completely vanished off the face of the earth. I am baffled. Fortunately, I have another plastic knife, so my medication routine can continue uninterrupted. But I now suspect that my bathroom may contain a portal to another dimension -- probably the same one the socks end up in when they disappear from the dryer.

The final mystery I have today is about why the little stickers they put on fruit are so stinking hard to remove. They appear to be designed so that there's a little flap without adhesive, which should allow you to grab the tab, yank, and be done with it. But no, those little tabs somehow manage to cling to the skin just as hard as the other parts of the sticker. Is this because of sloppy adhesive application? Or does plastic just naturally want to merge with the skins of fruits to the point where you are forced to slice off the whole skin section before you can enjoy Nature's crispy goodness?

Who knows? The good news is that future genetic engineers will probably find a way to code the apple's DNA so that the scanner code number will appear within the coloring of the skin itself, and there will be no need for stickers at all. Yea, science!

Oh sure, there are other mysteries I could explore today, especially about my lopsided and sympathy-inducing running...but since I did have a moderately successful track practice last night, I'll think I'll defer that discussion until some other time. I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I hope it lasts, and I hope you have an excellent day as well!

Warmup

Hey! It's "Talk Like a Pirate" Day! Arrrgh.

I doon't have time to upload it right now, but thar will be a pirate movie trivia quiz coming soon.

In the meantime, let's talk about warming up.

When I was a teenager, I liked to work the warmup set harder than anyone else, especially if it was a straight freestyle swim. Once, when I was 17 (OK, maybe 18), I actually set a PR for the 400m during warmup. I beat that time at the next meet, but for a few weeks, my first 400 meters of practice were my fastest, ever.

But oh, how times have changed! Now it seems to take forever for me to loosen up when I begin my exercise. It doesn't matter how hard I work -- when I first get into the swimming pool, I'm gonna go slow.

Since discovering this problem, I've tried to figure out the most efficient way for me to shorten the process, and to get myself up to workout speed quickly. But it's been easier to determine what does NOT work. After substantial trial and error, I have become absolutely certain that the following things do NOT help me warm up, and in fact are severely detrimental to the process:

• Kicking


• Stroke drills


• Butterfly


• Long discussions while standing in cold water

At yesterday's practice, it took me a full hour to loosen up and begin to swim at my normal pace. You may think it's strictly an issue of water temperature, but at this particular workout, it was plenty warm.

No, it's just that I didn't swim the right things at the beginning of workout. What ARE the right things, you ask? Well, I think I've narrowed it down to two things. I warm up best (and quickest) when

• Drafting off someone


• Pulling (especially with paddles)

The drafting solution presents its own problems. Some people don't enjoy having anyone leech off them, and you want to respect that. But a more common problem is that folks I'll be compatible with later in the workout are simply too fast to keep up with when I'm in this pre-warmup slothful condition. Nobody wants to slow down and dog it just because their geriatric lanemate is too stiff to move like a real human at that point in the practice.

But doing a pull set seems to work for some reason. I suspect that it's partially psychological, since it's just more fun to crank it up with the paddles on. At the same time, I do need to recognize that I have problems warming up in running, too, so I think it's fair to assign my legs the blame for the majority of the problem. If I were a focused and committed athlete, I'd probably do some spinning on my bicycle trainer before either running or swimming, just to get the ol' legs properly lubricated.

But no, that's probably not going to happen. For now, I'll just try to do a pull set early in practice.

So my question for you is this: What helps you get warmed up the quickest? What are your favorite sets or drills with which to start swim practice? Are you one of those people who shows up late (after warmup), but still jumps right into the main set at full speed? Or are you more like me, and need to sorta ease your way into it?

Let me know. In the meantime, I hope the scurvy dogs o' the world will let ye be, terday, and that everthin ya dew is spectacularrrrr!

Another Jam-Packed Weekend

First, the bad news: I'm going to have to have more skin chopped off of my right ear due to another minor outbreak of basal cell skin cancer. It's a simple procedure, and not a major health problem...but it's an inconvenience I'd rather do without. I blame it all on Doug Smith, since he's the one who promoted the theory that having a deep tan would psyche out our opponents at swim meets when we were on Wichita Swim Club. "If you're really tan," he said, "they'll figure you've been working out more, and are therefore in better shape."

Of course, the reality was that we were probably worse off, since lying out in the hot sun all afternoon most likely sapped our energy more than if we'd have gone about our daily business instead of basking on beach towels under the nasty UV rays that would eventually send us under the knife.

Stupid sunshine.

It does make me wonder, though, whatever happened to the albino kid who swam with us for a few summers. I cannot imagine the suffering that poor guy has gone through as a result of wanting to be a swimmer. With all the benefits of the sport (higher intelligence, longer lives, fantastically sexy bodies, and highly refined social skills—not to mention the built-in aphrodisiac qualities the scent of chlorine provides), it's hard to remember that there are downsides. But I suppose that having a few patches of crusty skin removed every few years is a small price to pay for being such amazingly awesome human beings. Swimmers totally rock!

Anyway, that surgery won't happen for a few weeks yet, so I was able to spend the past weekend being active.

The weekend started with some inspiration provided by everyone's favorite Pentathlete, the lovely and talented Sammy Achterberg. She had recently returned from Drzonków, Poland (don't ask me how to pronounce it), where she competed in the Junior World Championships in Modern Pentathlon. She and her teammates brought home gold medals, and she was kind enough to bring them to swim practice so we could see. Very cool! Congratulations to Sammy and all the US Pentathlon team!

On Saturday, I participated in a "family" swim meet, in which kids and adults competed next to each other. I had a pretty intense grudge match with a 15-year-old boy in the 100 breaststroke, and managed to just barely out-touch him. But in my other events, the youngsters whupped me pretty badly.

The meet was held at Denver's George Washington High School, which has been around since 1960. I was a little surprised to find that the boy's gym lockers have also been around since 1960, with several of them having rusted through. The pool seemed to be in decent shape though, and the water was warmer than I normally expect to see at swim meets. That was fine with me, since my body still hasn't adapted to the idea that summer is over.

It was a sprint meet; the 200 free was the longest event. You may wonder why I would sign up for a meet with such insanely short races...and you'd be right to do so. Sprinting is hard, painful, and downright silly, and is for people whose genetic makeup is far, far different from mine. But I got it into my head about a year ago that I would like to break a minute in the 100 freestyle for one last time before I descend into my twilight years. I've hit a couple of 1:01s since then, which is close enough to give the dream credence...but I know I'll have to go off the blocks under meet conditions to do it. This sounded like a fun meet, and I didn't have any other Saturday obligations, so what the heck.

Despite the condition of the lockers, the starting blocks had been modernized with the new track-start wedges at the rear of each platform. I had never started in that configuration before. This photo shows my friends Chris Nolte and Rich Abrahams preparing to launch themselves into the 100IM race. Rich holds multiple sprinting world records, and has acclimated to the new block configurations, while many other meet participants still use the old "hang ten" starting style. I tried it with my foot on the wedge, and have a generally favorable impression of the idea. I'm not sure I started any faster, but with some more experience (and perhaps better balance), I'm sure I would.

The most fun I had at the meet was the "Old Guys" relay we put together for the first event. Rich, Chris, and Bill Abbott were my 200 Free Relay teammates, and Rich came up with the idea of trying to hit exactly 2 minutes for our cumulative time. That meant that each of us would try to swim our 50 in 30 seconds even, with the later swimmers adjusting as necessary if we missed the pace on the early legs. Those guys are all faster than me, so it was probably tougher for them to slow down to the right pace -- for me it was pretty much an all-out sprint. I led off, and finished at 29.56, which wasn't too far off the target. The other guys were even more accurate, and we finished just a couple of tenths under 2:00. It was fun!

Otherwise, well, not so much. My 200 was 2:17 plus, the 100 breast at 1:25, and the 100 free a disappointing 1:04. I didn't feel bad, necessarily...just slow.

So, am I giving up on the 59.99 idea? No. Not yet. It may indeed be out of reach, but I'd still like to try again at some point, and strive for a better result. Perhaps if I hadn't worked out as hard on Friday, or if I shaved my legs and head, who knows? I'll give it another shot someday soon. We'll see.



On Sunday, my friend Lisa and I drove up into the mountain wilderness to run a trail race that my brother had signed me up for. It was at the Devil's Thumb Resort, which is just up the road from Fraser, CO, which is just up the road from the Winter Park ski area. The race was supposed to be 7.5 miles long, but as we lined up in the starting area, the meet director informed us that it was a different course this year, and would end up being somewhere around 10 kilometers (6.2 miles). OK, that's fine...it's a tough race with steep climbs, narrow trails, stream crossings, and swampy areas -- shortening it up by a mile or so wouldn't break my heart at all.

I took off working hard, and was pleased that Pat was only about 30 seconds in front of me and I was still ahead of Lisa at the 1-mile point. There were a few spots where we ran over planks that had been placed across the swampy areas, but most of the first 2 miles were in the open with room to run. I was puffing and panting (as I always do), and managed to pass several people before the steep parts started. Both Pat and Lisa were still in sight when I hit 2 miles (Lisa's in blue, Pat's in pink, three spots ahead.)



I could even still see them when Lisa caught Pat, but shortly after that we were into the woods and they were long gone. I guess they played tag for a while before Pat finally maintained his lead to the finish. I had my own games going on with a couple of women who I'd pass on the uphills and then watch them zip by me on the downs.

There are many reasons I'm so tentative and wimpy on the downhill sections. I'm old and feeble, for one, and am somewhat reluctant to torture my knees by absorbing the shock of full-speed descents. But I also blame my glasses; the distance to the ground seems to be in the no-man's land of trifocal acuity -- my depth perception at foot level simply stinks. And when you throw in a bunch of radical shade-to-sun lighting changes, well, I'm in real danger of doing an "as...you...wish!"-type tumble down the side of the mountain. Ergo, I am slow and cautious.

And to be honest, I'm not that great going up the hills, either. Once it became steep, folks passed me no matter which direction the slope was pointing. Oh well.

But I didn't really mind; I knew going in that skinny trails with rocks, roots and angles were not my forte. The only time I got a little bummed out was when my GPS showed 6.2 miles (the distance I thought the race would run), and I was still deep in the woods. I knew the course ended with a long meadow crossing, so being well back in the bowels of the forest at that point meant that there was at least a mile more to go.

Turns out it was more like two miles more. But what're ya gonna do? I just tried to run fast when the trail allowed it, and not lose too much more time through the more challenging sections. And eventually, I emerged from the trees and could see the finish line, probably about 3/4 mile away. Time to sprint.

Or what I call sprinting, anyway. I tried hard -- I really did -- and eventually made it to the finish line. And since they weren't packing up yet, it appeared that there were indeed still others out on the course.

Bottom line: I worked hard, got a good workout, enjoyed the views and the fall colors, and I survived the race without coming in dead last. It was a dandy-fine experience.

I think Pat and Lisa enjoyed it, too...though Lisa did take a minimal tumble when she looked up to wave at the photographer (Pat's wife, Liane.) She bounced right up, dirty but otherwise unscathed, and we all finished the morning with a lovely brunch at my brother's house. Traffic on I-70 was slow, so I didn't get back to Denver until late in the afternoon, but I wasn't really planning to do anything else anyway.

And that was my weekend. So what about these guys?



The answer is ORN. To the left is the famous torch singer, Lena Horne. Next to her is the fellow who introduced me to the Star Trek franchise; he was in the first episode I ever watched. I know I've told this story before, but I remember it distinctly. My friend Herbie Bevan called me and said "You have to turn on the TV right now!" And there was the scaly and slobbering Gorn, trying to put an end to Cap'n Kirk. Of course, at the time, I had no idea that the episode held so many metaphorical lessons for our society (see: Palestine, etc.), but I loved it anyway.

Next to ol' bug-eyes is Matt Damon playing the character Jason Bourne, and to his right is the esteemed actor, Michael Dorn. The final fellow depicted is the character Zed from Men in Black, ably played by veteran thespian Rip Torn. (I'm sure everyone knows this, but "Rip" was actually a family nickname. His given name was Elmore, which raises the question of why that name has gone out of fashion. It's a perfectly fine name, but now all the kids seem to be named Michael or Matt or Jason, etc. Why? I'm sure I have no clue.)

And yeah, I know that I mentioned the idea of creating a separate space for my trivia contests, but I haven't done it yet. Suggestions for what to call it would be welcome. In the meantime, send me your ideas for what other inappropriate-to-my-skillset races I should do, and have a great day!

Doing the Math

I'm going to have to use my own money to buy my next swimming suit. Sigh.

I was hoping to earn a fancy Nike racing suit by completing 500 miles in the "Go the Distance Challenge" sponsored by United States Masters Swimming. But I just realized -- I ain't gonna make it.

500 miles in one year doesn't seem like all that much. My buddy Cliff has done more than 20 miles in a single day several times in the past year or so, and probably passed 500 miles around the 4th of July. And I was on pace to do it, myself, through the first few months of 2012. After that, though, I seem to have slacked off. I had a couple of months where I only swam 35 miles or so, and that's just not going to cut it.

So here we are, approaching the equinox--running out of swimming days for 2012. I did the math: If I want a free swimming suit, I have to do 2746 yards a day, every day, for the rest of the year.

I know, that really doesn't sound like all that much. Most of my swim practices cover at least 3500 yards, if not closer to 5000. But I don't swim every day, and unless I win the lottery, I'll probably stick with my current workout schedule, which only includes 3 or 4 swims in a typical week. Maybe I'll try harder to get a free swimsuit next year...but this year's quest has ended.

Oh, I'll still swim, and I'll still track my progress. I'll make 400 miles easily enough, and probably 450. And beginning with our 100 x 100s workout in January, I can certainly strive for 500 miles in 2013.

The interesting thing is that I usually swim more miles than I run in a given timespan. This month, though, my running mileage has surpassed my swimming distance (though not by much.) I'm even doing a trail-running race this weekend -- which I'll tell you about next week.

In the meantime, let me just mention a few other noteworthy data points.

1) Thanks to the generous efforts and information-age genius of Leif Oines, the Foothills Masters Swim Team now has a Facebook page! Check it out: www.facebook.com/foothillsmasters. I'm not exactly sure how the page will be used, but at least it's up and running.

2) I'm considering a new strategy for distributing my own web content. Actually, I've already begun (in a small way), by posting photos from my recent Seattle trip to Facebook rather than uploading them to this blog. (I still do intend to talk about that trip, and about my subsequent journey to Wichita, but that discussion remains in the future.) I may even break up the blogs: "Keeping Pace" could be focused on athletics and workouts, and the Star Trek and TV trivia contests might end up on a separate blog site altogether. History and autobiographical information will stay on "The Shy Man's Life" (www.heggy.blogspot.com), and daily blather about going to the grocery store and doctor's offices, etc, will wind up on Facebook. If you have any ideas about the best approach, please let me know.

3) We are now soliciting donations to help us purchase a new pace clock for the pool at The Ridge. After a significant contribution from the Foothills Rec District, we still need to raise about $500 to afford a digital clock with numbers large enough for old guys (like Desmond) to see. Any small amount helps: I'll gratefully accept checks, money orders, PayPal, cash, gold bullion, and swimoutlet.com gift certificates. Thank you for your support.

For now, though, I'll just leave you with a very simple graphical puzzle and then sign off. I'm planning to do a couple of sprint races at a swim meet on Saturday, and then run a 7.5-mile trail run on Sunday...so I should have some interesting tales of competition and victory (cough) to share with you soon. Have a great day!

What's the common thread here?

Whelmed

The last month has been full, and I have much to tell you.

When I switched jobs a year ago, I was expecting to have abundant leisure time, and to spend much of that time engaged in creative activites such as blogging, novel writing, and video creation. But (especially lately) I seem to have found my calendar to be clogged, and free time to be nonexistent. I wouldn't go so far as to say I've been overwhelmed, since I'm not really stressed out or anything...but I certainly have been active.

As I mentioned in the previous posts, my dad came to Colorado for a nice visit, and I spent some time hanging out with him. Then I flew to Seattle to visit Tanner and his friends (see photo above), and I'll have more to say about that later. The highlights of the trip included an open water swimming event, a bunch of driving and walking around in an unfamiliar city, car breakdowns, fine dining, and a cherished opportunity to see where my son was living.

The Emerald City Open Water Swim offered both a half-mile and a one-mile race. I decided to do the half as a warmup for the full mile. I ended up working both races fairly hard, and managed to win my age group in each. The awards were a couple of lovely coffee cups, but since I don't drink coffee, I gave them to Tanner. I really enjoyed the races, though, and would definitely go back and do it again if the opportunity arises.

I'll share more about the Seattle trip (including photos) in later posts, and I'll also talk about my trip to Wichita for my sister's surprise birthday party. But that will have to wait until the level of whelming goes down a bit. In the meantime, I'm trying to get in shape for a trail running race, keep up with proposal work at the office, and learn enough about Facebook to manage the new Foothills Masters Swim Team page that Leif set up for the team. It's going to be an exciting new way to communicate with everyone; check it out when you get a chance!

In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep up with everything that's going on. Wish me luck, and have a great weekend!