Mysteries of the Universe

The first mystery on today's list is the question of why pirates are usually portrayed as glamourous and lovable characters, and why we think they all had parrots and said "arrrgh". In reality, pirates are really bad and nasty people who probably smell terrible, and who contribute nothing to society but instead just forcibly take things away from those who have worked hard. They're kinda like Congressmen, I guess.

So, who are these movie pirates? Bonus points if you can name the actor and the movie, as well as the character. (Click on the picture to enlarge.) Good luck!

Today's second mystery is what happened to the plastic knife I was using to spread the skin cancer ointment onto my nose.

The instructions that came with the medicine boldly emphasize that you aren't supposed to get this goo on your hands, if possible. But you ARE supposed to rub in into the affect area (ie, the suspicious spot on my nose.) The first day, I tried a Q-Tip, but found that the cotton absorbed too much of the goo and didn't give me the control I wanted for spreading it around. I thought about using a kitchen knife, but realized that the toxic cream could either erode the metal or damage my insides if I used the knife again without somehow giving it an industrial sterilization. But I did have a spare plastic knife from some box lunch packet, so I've been using that as a medication spreader.

I put the ointment tube and the knife on the bathroom counter when I went to bed, since I'd be using them again when I got up in the morning. And as often occurs when I drink a lot of water before going to bed, a midnight potty break seemed like a prudent idea. I never turn on the lights for such events -- I know where everything is, and can find my way around in the dark -- so when it came time to wash my hands, I blindly reached for where I knew the faucet was. I felt my hand brush the knife, and then heard the clatter of plastic falling off the counter. I knew it was the medicine knife, and knew it would survive the fall. I'd pick it up off the floor in the morning.

But it wasn't there. When I arose for good, I turned on the light and scanned the bathroom tile. No knife. I was certain I had knocked it off, but I also checked the counter, just to be sure. No knife. Under the rug? Well, that would be insanely improbable, but I checked there, too. Behind the wastebasket? No knife. Under the guitar? Uh uh.

The thing has completely vanished off the face of the earth. I am baffled. Fortunately, I have another plastic knife, so my medication routine can continue uninterrupted. But I now suspect that my bathroom may contain a portal to another dimension -- probably the same one the socks end up in when they disappear from the dryer.

The final mystery I have today is about why the little stickers they put on fruit are so stinking hard to remove. They appear to be designed so that there's a little flap without adhesive, which should allow you to grab the tab, yank, and be done with it. But no, those little tabs somehow manage to cling to the skin just as hard as the other parts of the sticker. Is this because of sloppy adhesive application? Or does plastic just naturally want to merge with the skins of fruits to the point where you are forced to slice off the whole skin section before you can enjoy Nature's crispy goodness?

Who knows? The good news is that future genetic engineers will probably find a way to code the apple's DNA so that the scanner code number will appear within the coloring of the skin itself, and there will be no need for stickers at all. Yea, science!

Oh sure, there are other mysteries I could explore today, especially about my lopsided and sympathy-inducing running...but since I did have a moderately successful track practice last night, I'll think I'll defer that discussion until some other time. I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I hope it lasts, and I hope you have an excellent day as well!