A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney

Over the past couple of months, I have started countless blogs...only to run out of writing time before my next appointment obligation forced me to abandon whatever half-baked idea I was typing about. Frankly, I do not understand why I can't seem to finish these entries, as I am not a particularly busy person -- and I very much do enjoy spewing forth verbiage on any number of topics, important or inane. And I'm sure that the two or three folks who occasionally log onto this site would appreciate more frequent entries, if for no other reason than to give them assurance that no matter how many stupid things they do in a given day, there is definitely someone who has done more.

That said, I shall once again apologize for my lack of loquaciousness, and once again reassure you of my sincere desire to clog the Blogosphere with directionless ranting and ill-conceived essays. I may actually go back and finish some of the earlier pieces I started but never completed. (Those topics include lake swimming, vacation trips, and a long overdue tribute to the great Eli Wallach, among others. I'll let you know if I find the time to do that.) I also have much more to say about my nephew Jared, and the impact his life made on his community -- as well as the impact his funeral made upon those of us fortunate enough to attend. But that topic deserves greater depth than I have time for right now, so we'll get to that later.

For now, my friends, all you get is a bullet list about what's on my mind this particular morning. Here goes:

• How does my recycling bin get so full, so fast? I hardly ever eat at home, I'm not popular enough to get much mail, and I don't buy a lot of new stuff that results in discarded packaging. So why is it that I have to take so much of this crap outside on a regular basis? And I hesitate to say this from fear of retribution by the PC Police, but I suspect that everything in the recycle bins ends up in the same landfill as the rest of the garbage. I mean, seriously, do you think it's worth it to them to pay someone to sort out all the different kinds of materials?
• OK, maybe they have machines that can do all that. I watch "How It's Made", and have to admit that there are some pretty clever people designing robots to do all sorts of complicated stuff. Maybe the crap I throw in the bin really does come back as new Barbies or Huggies or Snapple or something. Who knows?
• And speaking of which, are you supposed to recycle those tiny safety pins they give you for your bib number at running races? I actually signed up and ran a 10K this weekend, as a fundraiser for pancreatic cancer, and it was a fun race. But now I have these little pins sitting here on the kitchen counter, and cannot conceive of any possible use I might have for them in the future, except at another race, where they will undoubtedly put more of them in my packet and send me back into the same spiral of unending mental dilemma regarding their disposal. I mean, they're metal, so they should be recycled, right? But they're tiny and have sharp points when opened. Should they be treated like used X-Acto blades and disposed of in some sort of "Hazardous Waste" container. I just don't know.
• I'm certain they'll show it on a million replays, so make sure to watch a sportscast at some point during the day today: Roger Federer hit an impossible between the legs kill shot in his semifinal tennis match. It wasn't quite as unlikely as the Broncos fluke touchdown yesterday, but still pretty unbelievable.
• Do people who eat a less healthy diet have to spend less time in the bathroom? I mean, I try to eat fruits and veggies, drink a lot of water, take vitamins and all that -- and this lifestyle seems to keep the "processing" mechanisms moving, if you know what I mean. I hear stories about people who eat nothing but meat and have it all stay stuck to their intestinal walls or whatever; and I think, "Man, that would be sweet! Those dudes probably never have to poop!"
• OK, I'm only about a third of the way through with what I thought I had to say. I was going to rant about how much laundry I have to do (even though I live alone and don't change clothes very often), how long it takes to peel a stinkin' orange, and how quickly I seem to run out of peanut butter and Peppermint Patties...but I've used up my time. I need to get to swim practice.

The rest of the list will just have to wait.

Thank you for dropping by. If you know of any good books on "Time Management" or "Prioritizing Your Life So You Don't Have To Interrupt Blogging To Go To Work" or anything like that...don't tell me about it. I apparently don't have time to read, either.