Chores and Errands

Regular readers know that I am domestically challenged.

While unquestionably gifted with Hollywood good looks, the body of a Greek God, and the intelligence of Stephen Hawking and Alex Trebek combined, I must confess that I'm somewhat of an underachiever in the Home Maintenance department. If I attempt to do the things that most American males consider to be their weekend household responsibilities (ie, mowing, minor electrical repair, working on machinery, painting, etc.), there will most likely be blood, twisted wreckage of some sort, and more often than not...flames, and a call to 911. I am not proud of this lack of skill, but there's nothing I can do about it. A finite amount of handymanliness is allocated to each family, I'm afraid, and my father and brother absorbed it all -- while I am left with mere beauty and genius. Sigh.

But as I said, most of you already know that about me. So it shouldn't surprise you to learn that while my clothes dryer has been underperforming for months, I hadn't yet done anything about it. It had been taking 4 to 6 hours to dry a moderate-sized load of unmentionables, and my permanent-press shirts were coming out looking like Yoda's forehead. It was finally time to take action. A brief investigation revealed that the vent system was clogged, and that special tools and talents (which I do not possess) would be required. I called a local specialist and set up an appointment.

They arrived at the appointed time, which was a good sign. They explained the process to me, along with a warning that if the ductwork was not up to code, their machinery could possibly destroy it, leaving me with some major repair expenses. Of course, if I didn't get the vent cleaned, logic tells us all that the dryer would eventually burst into flames and set fire to the entire apartment complex, which would probably then ignite the neighboring residences, which would eventually burn the local forests, which would make Smokey the Bear very, very sad.

After his exam, the expert concluded that the birds had spent the winter building an avian version of Trump Towers inside my vent system. Fortunately, they had moved out for the summer, so we weren't burdened with serving an eviction notice. But if they return, they'll find that they are no longer welcome at this particular establishment. And after the nests and accumulated lint were expunged, the dryer worked flawlessly, and my future laundry times have been reduced by a quantum amount. I had to spend a few bucks, but no one was injured, nothing exploded, and the results were exactly what I had hoped for. Well worth it!

The rest of the day was spent running other errands. First, a trip to Home Depot to purchase a dryer-vent bird-entry prevention screen. (I found that it didn't fit when I got it home, but that's another story.) Then a visit to REI to start the process of learning about Mountain Bikes. (This, too, will be an ongoing saga, I'm afraid.) Then to Best Buy to look at camera bags, and finally over to visit Tanner to check on status of the new piano videos and website posting of the new band music. (Status report: Nothing has been done. I wish I had some sort of effective punishment to apply when he goes into slacker mode like that.)

But my day ended with one additional major accomplishment: I finally cleaned out my linen closet! During this process, I found a bike jersey that had been MIA for about a year, and re-discovered the whereabouts of my vast collection of 1970s turtlenecks. And again, the chore was accomplished without structural damage, flesh wounds, or insurance claims. This project was also 100% successful; I now have my clothing so totally organized that Martha Stewart would be intimidated.

Of course, I may have used up my monthly allocation of energy for home projects, so I should probably take it easy for the next few weeks. If I do decide to make another foray into the depths of domesticity, I'll be sure to let you know. In the meantime, please take a moment to check your dryer vent (and the rest of your home) for fire hazards, and have a great day!