The New Star Trek

I talked Tanner into going to the new Trek movie with me yesterday. Not sure what he thought of it, but I'm glad we went. Don't worry, I won't give anything away here; this isn't a review so much as a few random observations.

First, my general recommendation: If you're a fan of the original series (without being all uppity about whether everything "matches"), definitely go see this movie. If you are a generic space opera fan who likes to see stuff blow up (and you don't worry too much about plot consistency), definitely go see it. If you are a Meryl Streep fan, or one of those constipated highbrows who think "Citizen Kane" is better than "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"...you might want to skip it.

[If you want to how I can Kevin Bacon my way into comparing "Trek" to "Bill n' Ted", then see the bullet list at the end of this entry.]

What's good about "Star Trek"? Well, mostly the cast (with exceptions noted below). I thought Kirk was great, Spock was appropriately Spocklike, and McCoy was as lovably crusty as you'd expect. I could also see this version of Captain Pike outsmarting the Talosians and smoochin' the babes, no problem.

Sulu was OK, if you can get over the whole "Doogie Howser stole my car" thing, but Chekov bugged me a bit. Oh, he had the necessary accent and commie braggadocio package, all right, but I really expected young Pavel to have the requisite Beatle haircut -- not a shorter version of a pre-baldness Frampton 'do'. Uhura looked good with the subspace communicator sticking in her ear, and her decoding of the Romulan transmission was consistent with character expectations...but her sudden and unexplained Vulcophilia was a bit disconcerting.

Hmm. I expect we'll explore that in the sequels, won't we? Hmm.

Spock's parents were probably the worst -- a horribly poor imitation of the original cast. I mean, c'mon -- Winona Ryder? Seriously? And I know this is very shallow of me, but Ben Cross's jaw just bugs me. It has since "Chariots of Fire". There, I said it.

(Incidentally, how's that for a misleading title? That movie didn't have a single chariot and had no fire whatsoever. Very disappointing.)

As far as the rest of the cast goes, well, I have to say that I even found Eric Bana's performance acceptable. (Probably because he had enough makeup on that I didn't know it was him.) And even though they aren't characters we already know, I was quite pleased with Kirk's parents, young Jim, and even with the Star Fleet Academy tough guys in the bar brawl. (I was hoping that one of them would be Finnegan, but I don't think any of them were. Bummer.) For some reason, though, I just didn't buy Tyler Perry as an admiral. Not sure why.

As you would expect, they did update the FX a bit from the original TV series. Transporters, view screens, and phaser beams were all a little more like you'd expect from that century. But I was pleased to see that they kept some clunky communicators, pistol-like weapons, and an honest-to-goodness airplane throttle for going into warp speed. Majel Barrett (may she rest in peace) still does the computer voice (though without the original interpretation's Stephen Hawking quality), but as far as I could tell, they cruelly left out the Yeoman Rand character. Still, I think they honored the original series pretty well, considering how much things have changed since the 60s. (But I stand by my Chekov haircut statement, nevertheless.)

Other complaints? Well, I found the music to be a bit heavy-handed in spots. I saw the "Thelma and Louise" tribute as gratuitous. And though Chekov is at least 10 years younger than Kirk in the TV show, he shows up here as someone who already has a job before Kirk even receives his diploma. And why didn't Spock suggest a "Save the Whales-type" solution to tidy things up at the end?

Oh well. The bottom line is that while the movie wasn't perfect by any means, it did satisfy my hunger for more of the first generation characters and events. It'll be interesting to see it again with an eye toward how a non-Trekkie would perceive it, but until I have the chance to do that, I'll just summarize by saying that I enjoyed it a lot, and am looking forward to seeing it again. Perhaps I'll see you there.

Have a great day!

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WARNING! Possible Spoilers Contained in the Following:

Top Ten Reasons the New "Star Trek" is Similar to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"

• B&T features Genghis Khan. Sulu thinks he IS Genghis Khan.
• Sulu is played by John Cho, who was Harold in "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" -- which is a movie about slacker dudes finding themselves. Pretty much sums up "Bill and Ted", too, doesn't it?
• After their stunning history report, Bill and Ted are heroes to their San Dimas classmates. George Takei, who played the original Sulu, is featured as a character in a TV show called "Heroes". The new Spock was in that show, too, as a character named "Sylar", which is pretty much a ripoff of the name "Sulu", don't you think?
• Billy the Kid has curly hair. Chekov, who is also a kid, has curly hair.
• In B&T, they philosophize about being dust in the wind, dude. In Star Trek, an entire planet is vaporized, actually becoming glowing particles of twinkling dust in the solar wind. (Hmm. Is this where they came up with the phrase "Live long and phosphor"?)
• Keanu Reeves, who played Ted "Theodore" Logan in B&T, was also in "The Matrix", which incorporates some mind-over-matter mumbo-jumbo similar to "The Force" in the Star Wars movies. Star Trek has a scene of Kirk wandering around on an ice planet where he's in peril from large, dangerous carnivores...which is an obvious ripoff of the Hoth scene from Star Wars. Coincidence? Yeah, right...about as much of a coincidence as a Wyld Stallyn's trashcan falling on Ted's dad's head.
• B&T features characters known as Royal Ugly Dudes. Star Trek has Romulan Ugly Dudes.
• Transporters use pretty much the same technology as flying phone booths.
• Bill and Ted use unorthodox methods to pass their History test. Kirk uses unorthodox methods to pass the Kobyashi Maru test.
• Ted uses a bone to sedate a bad guy. In Star Trek, there's a guy named "Bones", who has access to lots of sedatives.
• Bill and Ted pick up Joan of Arc, who teaches aerobics classes at the mall. In Star Trek, Uhura's college roommate is a green Orion slave girl, who..., um, who...well, I'm sure there's some sort of connection, but I lost my train of thought.
• Both movies will be shown in reruns long after Citizen Kane is forgotten. So there.