Nachos

My sister-in-law had 2 extra tickets to the Rockies vs. Rays baseball game on Wednesday, and generously offered them to me and a guest. I wanted to take Bob Saget, because I know that listening to his witty commentary would make the game SO much better -- but he wasn't available. So I invited Tanner. He agreed to go on the condition that I'd feed him somewhere during the evening. Fair enough.

I had no idea the Rays had dropped the "Devil" prefix from their team name. I suppose I can understand it, of course...there's that whole unfortunate association with Satan that I'm sure they'd prefer to avoid. (It's the same reason the Dodgers dropped the "Hitler" from their name back in the 50s.) But it's regrettable in the sense that younger fans may not ever know that their team name is based on a lovely and graceful marine creature, and not something associated with the rays of the sun, that dreadful Ray J. Johnson, or even (gag) Ray Romano.

On the other hand, I'm not sure a ripply-winged fish is really a mascot that conjures up visions of baseball prowess, either.

But I'm not sure I really want to pursue that line of thought, either. I mean, the name "Rockies" either provokes images of solid, immobile, and snow-capped mountains, or the guys in this photo:

Not really capturing the ideas of great pitching and solid defense, are we? (I suppose it could be argued that the boxing gloves symbolize solid hitting, but let's not push the metaphor too hard, shall we?)

Still, I suppose that even having mountains for a team theme is better than some in the league. I mean, I'd hate to be called the "Reds", for example, especially in this era where our government is trying so hard to become completely socialist. I'm not sure I'd want to be Sox, Mets, or "A"s, either. (And let's just leave the Braves/Indians/Chiefs/Redskins racism allegations for another discussion forum, OK?) I would definitely argue that being named for the world's coolest mountain range is superior to being birds, fish, or even snakes...but I digress. What we're really talking about here is how much fun it is to go to a good ballgame with friends and family.

Our seats were excellent -- about 10 rows up from the Rockies' dugout. And the game was a good one, with the home team providing thrills, drama, a few moments of doubt, and the ultimate victory.

The only complaint I have about the entire evening is a minor one indeed: I had a little trouble with my food. Oh, it was tasty enough -- ballpark dogs and nachos are essential ingredients in the overall baseball experience. But I need to figure out a better way to carry a condiment-laden weiner, a gigantic diet Coke, and the nearly-inadequate cardboard box full of gooey chili n' cheese-coated chips.

No, let me amend that; it's not carrying the food that causes the problem -- it's having to show your ticket to the usher while you're carrying all this artery-clogging booty. And you have to do this while salivating like Pavlov's dog, watching the next pitch, and trying to avoid the cotton candy vendors clogging the stairway with their giant overhead board-o-sugar. And if you're me, you also have the challenge of eating these treats without spilling chili and mustard on your pants once you've sat down and begun your meal.

The good news is that I somehow made it back to my seat without spillage. The bad news is that my shorts did end up with enough goo on them to feed a third-world orphanage. It wasn't pretty. But man, was it good!

And Liane, bless her soul, had the vision and foresight to also bring along large boxes of Hot Tamales and Jr. Mints. So even when the dog and nachos were already busy fighting it out deep inside my stomach, there was still some tasty stuff to cram into my ravenous face. Combine that fact with the pleasant company, the perfect weather, and a Rockies victory, and you've got an evening that's just plain hard to beat. I had an excellent time!

And even though I woke up tired and, um, more gravity-prone the next day, I thought of my college Psychology professor's "Second Law of Life": A bad morning is never too high a price to pay for an excellent evening. How true. How true.

Anyway, my friends, I hope you'll have a chance to get out to Coors Field sometime this season. If you do, and are able to hang out with your kids and eat ballpark food, I guarantee you'll have a great day!