Statehood for Moosylvania!

I guess the Canadians are doing well at the Olympics.

This does not bother me. As much as I love the USA and think that we still have the potential to regain our status as the world's greatest country (if we vote well in the next few elections), I just can't get too upset if a few of our snowboarders and skiers don't make the podium in an event run by the stinking Commies. And I generally like Canadians (except for the French ones, of course) -- after all, both William Shatner and Maynard Ferguson were born there.

And so was Dudley Do-Right, which brings us to our trivia contest answers. These folks all have a common bond:

Sam Etic
Ponsonby Britt
John Jay Smith
Alan Smithee
Ralph the Wonder Llama

They are all completely fictional names that appear in TV and movie credits instead of the person who was actually responsible. But then how do they relate to these guys?



Let's start with Richard Widmark -- the fellow who enjoys pushing old ladies down the stairs. He was a big enough star in the 60s to get the director fired during the filming of "Death of a Gunfighter." The replacement director didn't feel that he had any artistic control over the final product...so neither director wanted his name in the credits. They came up with the fictional Alan Smithee as the guy to blame for the film. And since then, that's been the name that everyone uses when they don't want to be associated with a particular film. If you ever see Mr. Smithee listed in the opening credits, it's a fair bet that you're in for a pretty unfulfilling cinematic experience.

The ghoulish fellow in the second frame is that guy who used to be the cute frontman for the Jackson 5. He's as dead as Elvis now, but before he was murdered by the guys on the grassy knoll, he was a guest star on the Simpsons under the pseudonym John Jay Smith. It's a pretty good episode; he plays a big fat white guy who thinks he is a one-gloved pop star who hangs around with chimpanzees.

And speaking of the Simpsons, the name Sam Etic was also a pseudonym used on a pretty good episode. Guest star Dustin Hoffman used the name when he played a Jewish schoolteacher (Jewish = sam etic...get it?) who inspired Lisa. And of course, Mr. Hoffman is Kevin Baconed to Robyn Hilton (the redhead in panel 4) because he starred in "The Graduate" with Anne Bancroft -- who also happens to be Mrs. Mel Brooks. And Mel Brooks was Ms. Hilton's slightly addled boss, Governor Lepetomane, in "Blazing Saddles."

You followed all that, right? Excellent. But what about the little green moon men?

Their names are Gidney and Cloyd, and they were the first aliens encountered by intrepid heroes Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. And as the end of the following clip shows, the Moose and Squirrel shows were produced by the esteemed and exalted Ponsonby Britt. The fact that Mr. Britt never actually existed doesn't alter the fact that he was given credit for some of the most brilliant television ever produced.

Regular readers know that Star Trek's "Gorn" episode was a major influence in determining my career path. I also make no secret of the fact that the Bullwinkle Show was the primary influence in guiding my religious and spiritual development. It also sparked a lifelong interest in voice-over work. Which brings us to the relevance of yesterday's picture of Mr. William Conrad (aka Frank Cannon, and also the Fat Man and Nero Wolfe.) Before becoming a heavyweight TV detective, Mr. Conrad had a long and impressive career doing voice work. Not only was he the narrator on "Bullwinkle" (listed as Bill Conrad), but he also portrayed Marshall Matt Dillon on the radio version of "Gunsmoke."

What does that have to do with the indestructible carrot man? Well, the other Matt Dillon (James Arness) was the actor who played the outerspace vegetable monster in "The Thing..."

Small world, eh?

Anyway, please take a moment to enjoy this clip.



And that brings us to the final panel, which features one of the best hat-and-beard combinations in the history of cinema. This gentleman is Tim the Enchanter, from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." His relationship to our list of fictional credits arises via Ralph the Wonder Llama, who was listed as one of the executive producers on that movie.

As brilliant as the Rocky and Bullwinkle credits are, I have to say that the Holy Grail opening credits might be my all-time favorites.



And no, I'm not suggesting that coconuts migrate. But I am urging you to feel free to be silly once in a while. And have a great day!