The Granny Clampet Cure

Now that the government has perfected healthcare, I'm fairly certain that I could've been back in the pool a week ago if I had just taken advantage of the new system.

But I'm old fashioned. I resist the idea of going to the doctor for a mere cold, even though I know they are now guided by the infallible wisdom of Congress rather than out-of-date concepts like science, research, and empirical data. I never received a diagnosis or a prescription, yet I seem to have turned the corner. I was finally able to swim this morning, and am almost feeling human again.

(By the way, I know that Granny is not actually a Clampet. She's the mother of Jed's late spouse, and has the surname of Moses. But you all knew who I was talking about, didn't you? If I'd have said "Grandma Moses," then that would open up a whole different bucket of bucket of crawdads, wouldn't it?)

My personal life has been bogged down throughout this ordeal. Productivity has been nonexistent. Now that I can breathe again, I hope to return to regular blogging, and all the other stuff that people do from day to day -- such as eating vegetables and bathing, etc.

But first, I need to address the word list I left you last week. We were talking about The Gamesters of Triskelion, which are the brightly-colored brains who wager quatloos on the outcome of fistfights they arrange among their slaves -- which are called "thralls." The correct answers are A, B, and G.

"Flickers of light" are what Kirk calls the stars, when he's trying to explain where he came from to the chick he wants to make out with. Being a lifelong thrall, she has a rather limited science education, and has a bit of difficulty grasping the concepts Kirk talks about. But neither one of them really cares, because they really just want to make out.

Or fight. Whatever.

"Galt" is the tall Shel Silverstein-looking goomer who seems to control the obedience collars. He's played by Sig Haig, who had a pretty good acting career made out of playing menacing creepy guys.

The other choices were all Star Trek terms as well, but from other episodes. The Horta is the silicon-based life form who eats rock and dissolves intruders with acid. Talosians are the big-brained telepaths who infer from Captain Pike's behavior that humans are not good subjects for captivity, no matter how benevolent.

(Hmm. I'm not so sure they'd have concluded that if they had met me. I'm pretty sure I could live in a cage if they could provide good enough illusions. I'd want to be able to swim, of course, but otherwise might be suitably entertained by green Orion slave girl dances and stuff like that. I'd be willing to give it a shot anyway. It beats writing proposals.)

Fizzbin is the card game Kirk teaches the mobsters in "A Piece of the Action." Its rule set is fairly complex, and since I can barely grasp the concepts behind "Go Fish," I'm not sure I'd ever want to play it.

Bela Oxymyx, of course, is the mob boss who ends up controlling all the planet's gangs as Kirk's chief lieutenant in that same episode. (That solution was not exactly a strict interpretation of the Prime Directive, but if we've learned nothing else over the past few years, it's that a society's governing documents are to be considered as "suggestions," not rules.)

And finally, a Gorn is a powerful lizard-like alien who moves slowly, slobbers a lot, and is too stupid to remember that all high-school chemistry classes teach you how to make gunpowder from stuff you find laying around in the desert.

That's it for today. I'll try to write a few upcoming posts without resorting to Star Trek references. It should be possible, since we have a swim meet coming up, and I'll be working on my taxes over the next few days. I might even try to assemble my bike rack...and you know that risk, danger, and the possibility of thrilling tales always surround any task where I am required to use tools and follow instructions. There may even be blood. Stay tuned to find out.

In the meantime, enjoy the crisp sub-zero morning air, and have a great day!