Beer

Yeah, I know. The Bolder Boulder has come and gone, and I still haven't finished my discussion of the race from May 19th. I've been busy at the office (working over the Memorial Day holiday, darn it), and have another proposal due the first week in June. But I'll try to catch up a little bit in the next couple of days. As always, I am immensely grateful that you continue to check in here, even though I'm such a slacker no-show.

Anyway, today's column contains valuable advice for event planners.

After all, I'm completely certain that race directors everywhere are just dying to hear my suggestions for how to improve their events. I am frequently told that there is nearly unanimous agreement across the globe that my opinions should always supersede traditional and commonly accepted beliefs about how things are done. Therefore, I shall humbly submit my observations on how to improve the Colfax Half-Marathon.

Suggestion one: Don't put fenced-off storage pens right by the finish line. It was really hard for spectators to watch their runners cross the line. (Yeah, I realize that this may have been a knee-jerk reaction to Boston, but it's still stupid.)



I do recognize that handling umpty-billion people is going to be a challenge, no matter what. And trust me, the post-race crowd for Colfax is HUGE. But I'm sure with some brainstorming applied, they could come up with a way to alleviate the bottleneck at the exit of the finish chute.

Of course, some of these challenges will be solved by technology. When everyone's personal GPS can report to a real-time street view on each spectator's smart phone, you'll know exactly when your friends and family members should emerge. This would keep the exit-chute greeter crowd from becoming stagnant.

I should know -- I was one of those obnoxious clogger monkeys myself. When I finished the race, I intended to find a good spot to shoot a finish photo for Kim...but when I found that I couldn't get close to the finish stretch without elbowing my way through oceans of other spectators, I returned to the finish chute exit to greet him there. But because I couldn't see the finish and had no idea when he would emerge, I ended up being in everyone else's way as they moved to greet their comrades.

Oh, and by the way, please don't bring your dogs to an event like this. It's just too crowded, and avoiding randomly moving leashes is a lot to ask of someone who just ran a long, hard race. Thank you.



For the most part, the vendor booths were fine. They were far enough from the finish area that traffic was able to flow reasonably well.



But then there was the beer garden and the BBQ food line.

A little background: Each race entry entitles the runner to one free beer and a BBQ sandwich & slaw after the race. There are little tabs on your bib number you tear off and present at the booth to redeem these perks. But because beer is a controlled substance, proof of age is required in addition to the bib tab. You can either bring your ID to the beer garden after the race, or you can present your ID at the pre-race expo and receive a wristband verifying that you are of legal drinking age.

I thought it would be easier to just get the wristband. That way, I wouldn't have to worry about carrying my driver's license during the race. And indeed, if those were the only factors to consider, my choice would make sense. But what I didn't think about was how much of a pain it would be to wear that stupid wristband from Friday afternoon through mid-morning on Sunday. It was itchy and annoying...and it was only good for ONE Michelob Ultra. I survived the ordeal by wearing a terrycloth tennis wristband over it, and though it did continue to bother me (especially while sleeping Saturday night), it did allow me to walk away with a cup full of rather bland beer.

Not worth it. At all. But my real complaint was with the organization of the beer tent itself. There were no organized lines -- just sort of a random mob pushing their way toward the suds jockeys. The keg handlers were filling the cups quickly enough, and it really didn't require a long wait in queue before I had the beer in hand. But that's when the design flaw became evident. There was no egress from the table.

Let me ask you this: What do you think will happen when a fellow (whose balance isn't great even when he hasn't just run hard for 2+ hours) tries to shove his way upstream through a one-way throng of tired and thirsty athletes trying to get their own beers? Major spillage, you say? Ah yes, Grasshopper; that would be correct.

My apologies to the anonymous folks whose shirts absorbed the slopover. All I can say from a consumer's perspective is that it's a good thing it wasn't a particularly tasty beverage; so it was no great loss. Anyway, the same sort of thing happened at the BBQ platter booth. Easy enough to get in; tough to get out without getting your buns smushed by somebody's errant elbow. Even when you're desperate for food after a race, it's just not the optimal experience if you have smushed buns.

And somewhere among all the jostling, I managed to lose my keychain charm thingy that was attached to the finisher's medal. I guess that was one of the "gifts" we received for finishing. I probably would've just stuck it in a drawer somewhere to be discovered and thrown away a few decades hence...but I still felt gypped that I didn't come home with it. Oh well. At least I have the medal itself. And the rich and rewarding experience of having competed.

Which brings me to a discussion I was planning to include here, but have now decided to defer until later; the discussion of my future in the sport of running. What other races do I want to do? How much training provides the right balance between my fitness goals and my slothful nature? Should I sign up for another half marathon? A triathlon? A double IronMan? Or should I dip my zero-drop shoes in bronze and build myself a little monument to the running years. There's no shame in being focused exclusively on swimming, is there?

But we'll talk about those things some other time. For now, I have other topics to catch up on. There's a Rockies game to tell you about, my first lake swim of the summer, a new cookie discovery, and my first 2013 ride up Highgrade Road, among other things. I hope to get to those topics very soon. In the meantime, have a great day!