Conflicting Emotions

Am I the only person who constantly has to deal with the up-and-down emotions of love/hate relationships with his own choices?

Some of my internal conflicts are probably not uncommon. I love the comforting tastes of ice cream and chocolate, yet hate the fact that they make me fat. I love my job (and the fact that it allows me to pay my bills), yet hate that I can't use my office hours for hiking in the mountains or lounging in a hot tub with the Swedish Bikini Team. I love having a college degree in Radio/TV/Film, but sometimes hate the fact that my affinity for those art forms drives me to overindulgence in couch potatoism.

And so it is with running. I certainly recognize the benefits of running, not only in terms of health, fitness, and ice cream calorie absolution...but also in terms of being able to go places without requiring a vehicle. And if those reasons aren't enough, it turns out that I really enjoy hanging out with runners. In fact, next to swimmers, I'd have to say that runners are my favorite people.

But unlike some of my friends, I do not find running to be an unmitigated delight. In fact, most of the time, it's pretty darned difficult for me. In addition to the chronic ankle and hamstring problems, I find that the sport compares poorly with the sublime bliss of swimming. Not only do I miss the way the water shields me from the anguish of dealing with gravity, but I also miss the way the water humidifies the air I breathe and whisks away the sweat.

So it is with mixed emotions that I face tomorrow's race. On one hand, I'm excited...because I can't help but get a little excited about any sort of competition. Plus, several of my friends are also running it, and I know I'll enjoy hanging out with them before and after the race. On the other hand, I recognize my own failure to adequately prepare for the event.

Regular readers know that I was feeling optimistic back in March. My ankle was improving, the zero-drop Altras were helping me to run smoothly, and my mileage was increasing in accordance with widely-accepted training plans. Then came the State Championship Swim Meet. Long story short -- I got sick, re-tweaked the hammie, and missed a boatload of my scheduled runs. Since then, my attempts to get back on track have fallen far short of minimum expectations. At one point, I expected to run a full marathon in around 5 hours. Now, I'm wondering if I can even finish the half.

But I'll run it. On Friday, I went down to the race expo at Mile High Stadium to pick up my packet. I thought the fireplace looked cool.



I'm meeting my buddy Kim at 4:25 tomorrow morning, and then we will meet Rich, Raechal, and Erin at the Museum of Nature and Science near the starting line. It appears the weather will be decent, and I know the others are all looking forward to it.

I'm nervous, though, and don't know what to expect from myself. The way I felt at the Snowman Stampede makes me think I have a shot at beating last year's 2:13 time. But the way I have felt in training the last few weeks makes me think that holding that pace might be out of my reach. But the only way to find out is to lace up the shoes and turn the legs loose when the gun goes off.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I'll try to post a race report on Monday. Have a great day!