A New Hope

You get bonus points if you looked at the title of this post and assumed I'd be talking about Star Wars, Episode 4. I'm not going to do that, but I'll certainly acknowledge the similarity in titles.

What I want to talk about is running. (Yes, I know that I devote an inordinate amount of space to a sport that's not even in my favorite 25 athletic activities. Swimming is Number 1, of course, but I hardly ever talk about that. Nor do I devote much time to unicycling, Tramplepit*, or caber tossing...all of which outrank running by a wide margin. I explain this oddity by pointing out that people typically think most about the things that are most challenging for them. Nerds think about getting dates, Tebow thinks about completing passes, and Occupy protestors think about how hard it is to walk around when your head is so firmly wedged up your...well, never mind—You get the idea. Running does not come easy to me, so therefore it becomes a topic of interest.)

As a wise philosopher once said, "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity." (I think it was John Matrix, or maybe Doogie Howser.) Since my "rest for 6 days and then run long" program has been less than effective, I've decided to switch to a "run short, but frequently" plan. So far, I've been able to run at least two miles on four of the last five days. It hurts, of course -- my left shin and right hamstring are issuing various complaints -- but I remain optimistic that there is a measurable chance of achieving some sort of progress. My buddy Kim has issued a challenge of running a marathon next spring, so that would be my "pie in the sky" goal. More realistic goals would include losing some weight, becoming more fit, and getting to the point where I can look at my running shoes without having an anxiety seizure.

Anyway, this week is already my highest mileage week in many a moon. I probably only have to double it to get to where I need to be to start training for a marathon. My brother suggested that I get a coach to help me with my form. My initial reaction was to say "They shoot horses, don't they?"** But then as I thought about it, I realized he may have a point. Another option would be to videotape myself and apply my own coaching analytics to the problem. Of course, it could be that my stride anomalies are structural, and I'd have to go back in time and choose different parents to correct them. Or it could be that a solution would require strict discipline (ie, stretching, core/balance work, nutrition, etc) that would cause unbearable discomfort to my inner couch potato. But then again, it could be that some feedback and minor technique corrections could lift me out my metaphorical quicksand and propel me down the autobahn of achievement. I shall keep you posted.

In the meantime, I also need to provide the answer to yesterday's puzzle.



It's "Ro". Charro, Zorro, Murrow, and Darrow.

Charro is one of those clever performers who made a career by capitalizing on the universal appeal of unmitigated bimbosity. Most people of my generation are familiar with her jiggling and giggling act, but far fewer know that she is a moderately competent guitarist as well.

Next to her is El Zorro, which is Spanish for "The Fox". Considering the mask, I'd say his motif is more along the lines of a raccoon, or with the all-black outfit perhaps a raven or something...but if he wants to name himself after a red, fuzzy-tailed mouse-eater, I won't object. Anyway, the fellow pictured is the actor Guy Williams from the 1960s Disney series, which was a pretty entertaining show. Williams was not the first to play the role--that would be Douglas Fairbanks Sr. way back in 1920--but Williams did a great job. Of course, he's probably even more well known for being the idiot who couldn't figure out that if he just killed Dr. Smith, the Robinsons would no longer be "lost in space". And is it just a coincidence that "Robinson" also has the "ro" letters, as does the real star of the show, the Robot? I think not.

The fellow in front of the CBS microphone is the respected journalist Edward R. Murrow. He was popular in an era where reporters smoked on the air and were far more careful in trying to cover up the fact that they were liberal shills for labor unions and big government. Personally, I think he's kinda creepy, but the history books make him sound cooler than Huntley, Brinkley, and Cronkite combined.

And finally we have the esteemed barrister, Clarence Darrow. He was sort of the Johnny Cochran of his day, and achieved his largest fame for defending John T. Scopes in the famous "Monkey Trial" of 1925. Mr. Scope was a schoolteacher who made the grievous error of attempting to educate Tennessee students about the theory of evolution. Thankfully, Scopes was arrested and burned at the stake, and then stoned to death.

No wait, that's not quite right; I got confused there for a minute. Sorry. Darrow defended him and the punishment included some jail time and a fine, but I'm pretty sure that both Scopes and Darrow lived to expound upon their crazy theories to anyone who would listen. If I remember correctly, the theory of evolution eventually faded away, and all the monkeys are free to go about their business without being blamed for humanity.

No, I'm not familiar with a physician named "Zaius". Why do you ask?

Anyway, some guy wrote a play to dramatize the monkey trial, changed the names to avoid being sued, and eventually sold the movie rights. The movie was called "Inherit the Wind", and starred Spencer Tracy as Henry Drummond, the lawyer character who was based on Mr. Darrow. So to bring us full circle and earn genius points for the people who knew the answer, Rocky and Bullwinkle featured a segment about the classic Hemmingway story "Old Man and the Sea", which was made into a movie starring, you guessed it, Spencer Tracy. Of course, in the moose and squirrel show, Boris Badenov played the part, and claimed that his name was "Spencer Traceback." So if you saw Darrow's picture in our puzzle and immediately thought of Spencer Traceback, you certainly deserve your reputation as a formidable intellect.

And with that much brainpower to unleash upon the world, you surely have some good advice for me about how to become a better runner, right? If so, please let me know...and have a great day!