22

My son Tanner was born on November 15th, 1989, which means he's 22 years old today. Wow. Seems like just yesterday he was lying in the crib, totally unable to spell antidisestablishmentarianism or even sink a free throw. But he's an adult now, living on his own in Seattle, playing and recording music, and responsibly handling his relationships with dozens of starry-eyed groupies.

I'm sure you expect me to now go into a weepy nostalgia piece about what it was like the night he was born, or about all the fabulous memories I have of mentoring him with my Ward Cleaver-like parenting skills. You probably expect sentimental meandering about how he used to sit on my knee while we'd discuss the philosophies of L. Ron Hubbard and Erich von Daniken. Ah yes...many were the times I would remind him that extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.

OK, maybe that wasn't me; it was actually Bill Nye the Science Guy. And being pretty much tone deaf myself, I can't take credit for his musical talent, either. But I'm sure that there were some juicy tidbits of knowledge I must've imparted to him over the years. After all, he can recite movie lines from memory -- like "My name is Inigo Montoya. Luke I am your father." And he knows that Tom Petty is the musical equivalent of cod liver oil.

OK, I guess everybody knows that. But seriously, I MUST have taught him something. Not money; he can't balance a checkbook. And not swimming; his 500 time is over 10 minutes. And not history; he probably can't tell the difference between Jimmy Carter and Adolph Hitler.

OK, I'll admit -- that's a tough one. How about "he can't tell the difference between Winston Churchill and Winston Zeddemore"? Yeah, that'll work.

He is pretty good with technology; he definitely knows the difference between Steve Jobs and Steve Buscemi, for example. But I guess he probably got that off the Internet. Hmm, I wonder if there is anything at all that I taught the boy in all those 22 years?

I guess I'll have to ask him. I do know that he's a smart fellow, and that he's kind and polite and that he cares about other people. Probably his mom's fault, but I'll take credit for it regardless.

Anyway, if you see the kid today, be sure to wish him a happy birthday. And have a great day yourself!