Joe Frazier

I have no idea who the Heavyweight Champion of boxing is right now.

It used to be that everyone in the world knew who it was, and you could count on spirited water cooler conversations preceding and following each and every championship fight. I'm not sure what happened; it might've been that we've become more civilized and no longer derive thrills from watching people inflict brain damage upon each other. Or it might be that people lost interest after Ali's articulate showmanship gave way to the utter vapidity of Leon Sphinx. Perhaps boxing banter in the office has been suppressed by the fact that there are now so many chicks in the workforce. Or maybe it's because we all own George Foreman grills, and that's good enough. I don't know.

But I do know that everyone of my generation watched Ali and Frazier whale on each other. And the phrase "Thrilla in Manilla" might be the most recognizable sports event nickname of all time. And I'll never forget Ali's epic poem about the fight:

After I whup Joe Frazier
And he don't hear the bell,
I'm gonna jump over the rope
And whup Howard Cosell.

Anyway, the thing I most remember about Joe Frazier is his swimming. I always wondered what the heck he was thinking when he entered that competition. After all, there were other events to choose from, most of which did not involve a high risk of drowning. But I'll say this for him -- he fought the water nearly as energetically as he fought his opponents within the ring throughout his career. Anyway, I hope that Mr. Frazier's afterlife isn't as dominated by Ali clips as his TV obituaries were. I hope he finds peace...and a good swimming instructor.

And if it turns out that you, gentle reader, are as much in need of swimming help as Mr. Frazier was, well...let's talk, OK?

And let me know if you have any tales you'd like to share about competing in sports that were, um, shall we say -- outside of your comfort zone. One example might be my own misguided attempts to participate in yoga—They're still trying to repair the dents in the gym floor where I toppled over as my balance evaporated. Another might be the well-known exploits of Vinko Bogataj. (And no, the rumor that he became the Trololo guy are simply not true.)

In the meantime, hold your streamline, and have a great day!

Addendum: I forgot to outline the various components of the "Ben" graphic from the other day. I shall do so briefly:



The couple on the left is pre-surgery Michael Jackson and his pet rat, Ben. In one of the more bizarre happenings in rock music history, Mr. Jackson actually had a huge hit with his love song about his intimate relationship with this disgusting rodent. It was commissioned as the theme song for a horror flick in which a psychopath used an army of trained vermin to eliminate his enemies; but I am at a loss how to explain the progression from scary movie track to top-40 tune involving a man-mouse love affair between a plague carrier and afro-headed youth. Ew.

It's creepy, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Anyway, the second fellow falls on the complete opposite side of the morality spectrum -- he's the heroic "clobberin' time" powerhouse from the Fantastic Four, Mr. Ben Grimm. He's not only a good guy through and through, but he's also pretty funny and entertaining. He might be my favorite Ben or all time. (Sorry, Mr. Affleck.)

Next we have Ben Matlock and Ben Cartwright; two crusty old guys who are famous for having a lot of money and telling people what to do. But in the last frame, the subject Ben is a far kinder and friendly sort...in fact his name is "Gentle Ben". Yes, we're talking about the bear. Of course, the "gentle" behavior was the product of ursine acting, not nature; because I'm sure that the bear bit the heads off of plenty of salmon during his breaks on the set. Anyway, until I found this photo, I had completely forgotten that Clint Howard played the kid whose irresponsible parents let him hang out with a 900-pound carnivore. As I've mentioned in this space on many occasions, I'm a BIG fan of Dopey Opie's little brother, and am always proud to find ways to give him kudos in this column. Way to go, Clint!