Precognition

Usually when I practice my guitar, I stick with the classics...like Stairway to Heaven, Smells Like Teen Spirit, and 25 or 6 to 4. I can play about 2 bars of each of those songs, so I just repeat them over and over until I'm certain the neighbors are sufficiently annoyed.

For some reason, though, the last time I picked up my "axe", I started playing the opening chords to "Eye of the Tiger". I hadn't thought about that song in years. And though it isn't part of my usual repertoire, I didn't think anything of it at the time. I just played the chords and pondered the question of why Mr. T is so more popular than Sylvester Stallone these days.

But the next morning, Mike Casey (a DJ on 99.5 The Mountain) did a "Resurrection Jukebox" segment on the band Survivor, who recorded "Eye of the Tiger" for Rocky III. The fascinating trivia he threw out there was that the singer is the same guy who did the vocals for the "Real Men of Genius" Budweiser ads a while back, which I thought was pretty cool. But what really struck me was the fact that I had essentially predicted the segment via my six-string strumming mere hours before.

Does this mean I'm psychic? Hmm.

Someone had once suggested that I was similar to the guy on the TV show "Psych"--which at the time I interpreted as a comment on my lack of respect for authority figures or on my tendency to jump to conclusions based on very little evidence. (Or perhaps it was a suggestion that I have a strained and uncomfortable relationship with my father, or that I make annoying and inappropriate comments in the middle of serious conversations. I'm not sure.) But I can see now that the suggestion was implying that I truly have a gift, and that my undeniable clairvoyance is something to be cherished, nurtured, and commercialized.

Want another example? OK. My brother invited me to go see "The Three Musketeers" with him last night. I had this feeling that the movie would be silly, overblown, and unnecessary, and that despite it being in 3D, I'd still prefer the Gene Kelly version.

My psychic powers did not fail me. It was a silly movie.

But after nailing that one, and then experiencing the Eye of the Tiger thing, I'm pretty well convinced that I am very special indeed. Perhaps I'll retool this column to become a clearinghouse for sharing advance knowledge of future events. My first public predictions are:

• Within 5 years, it will no longer be required to add an "X" or "Z" to every product name to make it seem cool and hip.


• A large number of congressmen who consistently vote for more taxes and additional regulation will lose their jobs next November.


• People will finally wake up and realize that U2 is actually a crappy band, and that Bono is the love child of Harvey Keitel and Rosie O'Donnell.


• The Colorado Rockies will win more games than the Broncos in 2012.

But back to my movie review. Despite it's silliness, I actually enjoyed The Three Musketeers. It is the first cinematic version of the tale to have a Lady DeWinter actress who is actually believable as someone who could use her wiles to charm Athos. [Side note: I didn't know that Milla Jovovich could speak English with such a good American accent. In contrast, the rest of the cast couldn't quite figure out whether their accents were British, Hispanic, Laid Back California Surfer Dude, or what. But that's OK. The movie takes place in Europe, and everybody there talks funny.]

Oh sure, there is over-the-top stupidity, like having dueling Zeppelins (and not the good "Led" kind, either), stealing plot lines from "A Fistful of Dollars", and having the guards conveniently fail to notice that a half dozen of their buddies had been slaughtered on the roof near a pile of discarded women's clothing. But some of the action is enjoyable, and the comic subplot of the King wanting to become Leonardo DiCaprio provided moments of minor amusement, as well.

I've always wanted to see musketeers actually use muskets, but wasn't too surprised to be disappointed again. And it's always troublesome to see Milla play a bad guy, since she's so obviously pure and good and lacking character flaws of any kind. But the musketeer guys were passably charismatic, and the Cardinal and his gang appropriately oily and evil...so it was possible to remain entertained despite the fact that I was up long past my normal bedtime.

I'm not too stoked about going back to those theaters, though. It seemed like it took forever to slog through the repeated commercials prior to the start of the film (which was about 15 minutes after the published start time...Grrr!). And the only preview that even began to capture my attention was for "John Carter", even though it looked absolutely terrible. (I loved the books, and have always wondered when they would make a good movie version of the story. Other attempts have failed. I don't expect this one to be any better, but I'll need to learn more before making a final viewing decision.) So, either the upcoming crop of movies is really bad, trailers are becoming indistinguishable, or I'm just not as into the whole moviegoing experience as I once was. Time will tell, I guess. But right now, Netflix seems like a far more reasonable option than spending hours in a theater that I don't control.

I'll explain the individual panels from yesterday's "Baseball" graphic later. Until then, please ponder why the French feel it's necessary to scatter unnecessary apostrophes and silent letters all over the place. (Seriously, why not just spell the dude's name as Dartanyan? C'mon.) If you have an answer, let me know. Otherwise, enjoy the fact that sword duels are no longer commonplace, and have a great day!