Birds

Birds are waking me up in the mornings. Wouldn't be so bad if I got to bed at a decent hour, but I've been staying up too late. And that wouldn't be so bad if I were staying up late to play Twister with the Swedish Bikini Team or argue about Kirk vs. Picard with Stephen Hawking or something. But no, I'm just dealing with too many computer crashes, too many chores, and a plague of inexplicable insomnia. Ugh.

So what's up with these birds? They start their cheerful chirping nearly a full hour before the sun comes up. What's that about? I could understand it if they were singing the praises of a glorious orange sky on a brand new day, or celebrating a bounteous worm harvest -- but instead they seem to be making this racket for the sole purpose of annoying human beings. I can only conclude that they are the avian equivalent of rap musicians.

Oh sure, I know there are people who enjoy this manic cacophony. There are also people who enjoy wind chimes, Rosie O'Donnell, and Yoko Ono. But that doesn't mean that decent folk should be subjected to such abuses. I'm not suggesting that we ban birds entirely -- just that we figure out a way to ship them off to somewhere where their pre-dawn shrieking won't wake up decent citizens and deprive them of the rest they need to be productive throughout the day. Send them to some forsaken wasteland like Siberia, or perhaps Oklahoma.

If we can figure out a way to do that, we'll all be able to have a great day!