President's Day

Once you get past the obvious choices of Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush, people tend to diverge a bit when asked to name their favorite President. Some will prefer George Washington for his firm "Death to Cherry Trees" stand against environmental wackos. Some will choose Chester Alan Arthur because he has the same first name as the Cheetos mascot. Some admire Thomas Jefferson the most because of his fondness for his devoted wife, "Weezie". And still others will pick Ben Franklin, Winston Churchill, Bill Gates, or Arnold Schwartzenegger...which can probably be blamed on tightwad taxpayers for underfunding our public school system.

And of course, a number of people will choose their favorite President based on the coolness of his hat.



Actually, most of today's schoolkids couldn't care less about Presidents, except for the fact that they get out of school to celebrate the old dudes. But it makes me wonder; do people in other countries get days off school to honor their past leaders? Do Mongolians celebrate "Genghis Khan Day"? Do the Rooskies have a "Tsar's Day"? Do Australians celebrate the founding of Botany Bay?

I do not know. And yes, I do blame low taxes for my ignorance. Let's fix this, people—After all, can you name any problem in this country's history that has not been solved by throwing massive amounts of money at it? I didn't think so.

Anyway, since this blog is aimed at entertainment in addition to education, I thought I'd take a quick poll about Presidents. But since the mainstream media adequately covers real Presidents, I thought I'd ask about the Commanders in Chief that somebody just made up.

So...who is your favorite Fictional President?

The leading candidates probably have to include "Dave", whose most appealing qualities are that he gets to hang out with Sigourney Weaver and has a Jean-Luc Picard lookalike for his VP. Of course, slimy chrome-toothed aliens have also been known to hang out with Ms. Weaver, so that may not be a real vote-getter. And it's not like Dave actually does any cool presidential stuff. Balancing budgets? Exposing political scandals? Yawn and double-yawn.

So, if Dave isn't your guy, perhaps you want a President who flies jets, shoots at the stinkin' aliens, and cranks out inspiring speeches before jetting off into the skies to nuke the saucer people. He may not be quite as swashbuckley as Harrison Ford in "Air Force One", but Bill Pullman does a surprising good job of saving the world through careful application of diplomacy.

Nah, I'm kidding. There's no reason to use diplomacy when you can open up a can of good ol' Randy Quaid!

But if you want to talk about serious annihilation, you can't do better than "Dr. Strangelove", wherein the entire earth explodes. It's not really the President's fault...though I would say that it's Peter Sellers' best non-Clouseau performance. Serious film scholars would probably want to contrast this fictional President with the one played by Henry Fonda in "Failsafe", which is essentially the same movie, only without the emphasis on the evils of fluoridation. Seriously, watch "Strangelove" and "Failsafe" back to back sometime...preferably right before an election.

Feel free to send me your own suggestions. When you start to seriously ponder the question, you realize just how many fictional Presidents there have been over the years. And nearly all of them are more upstanding and admirable than any of the real ones. So for my choice, I decided not to go with a cigar-smoking swashbuckler, a thoughtful intellectual, or even a song-and-dance man. I made my choice based on the fact that I just like this guy, have admired his performances in many movies, and suspect that I'd enjoy having a drink with him. He just seems like a swell fellow.

That's right—My choice for favorite fictional President is Tommy "Tiny" Lister, in "The Fifth Element". In addition to having the best wardrobe, he's probably the most realistic President in the history of cinema. His job consists of listening to advisors and experts, making tough decisions, and saying all the politically correct things when it comes time to make the follow-up phone calls once the crisis has been averted. Plus, it's a pretty good movie (even though it has Chris Tucker in it).

Anyway, I hope you all had an excellent President's Day, and are looking forward to the next opportunity to close the schools and reminisce about people who may or may not appear on your currency or among the rocks of South Dakota. Have a great day!