Time Travel

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was suddenly receiving additional cable TV channels. Well, several of them have vanished again, and some of the others are running a text banner saying that I'll lose them if I don't upgrade to a more expensive cable package. So it appears that the "bonus" channels were a marketing ploy to entice me to spend major megabucks for the privilege of surfing through twice as much unwatchable garbage as before. Sigh. I shall miss the opportunity to veg out with baseball when these additional channels are revoked, but otherwise will not suffer too badly. Do your worst, Comcast! I spit upon your pitiful attempts to further empty my wallet!

Don't get me wrong -- I support capitalism, and I don't begrudge anyone the right to market their services (except email spammers...I would gladly throw every last one of those lowlife scumbags into a pit of razor blades and then soak them with flaming napalm while laughing madly to hear their screams of anguish), but I really don't need to spend more time watching reruns of America's Funniest Babies Hitting Their Parents in the Crotch, etc. I'm content to stick with Netflix and YouTube for all my entertainment needs.

That said, I will confess that I was flipping through channels after the ballgame the other day, and ran across "Back to the Future", which I think we can all agree is the greatest movie ever made. (Well, on my list it's a tie with "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", but I know there are some folks who don't have the intellectual horsepower to fully grasp the brilliance of Python's cinematic achievements, so I don't expect everyone to agree with me there.) And even though I've seen BTTF a few hundred times, it still grabs me, and it still stimulates deep and profound philosophizing.

The best movies do that, don't they? They make you think, consider alternative viewpoints, and ask large intellectual questions. They may even help you understand your place in the Universe, and how it relates to those other entities with whom we share the planet.



For example, in the all-time classic film "UHF", there's a scene where the owner of Channel 8 requests a Rolex watch for his birthday. Does this represent a literary reference to TV-company greed (eg, a timeless warning for us to beware of corporate manipulations such as the aforementioned Comcast "more channels" ploy)? Or is it an endorsement of the rights of high achievers to be granted high rewards for those achievements? Or is it a clever use of foreshadowing to indicate that "time" is running out for the obsolete model of network dominance in a world of alternative choices in entertainment media?

Or is it merely a character development device to show that this guy is a shallow and pretentious moron who thinks that an expensive watch will somehow keep better time than a cheap Timex? I guess I'd tend to lean toward that interpretation...but then again, I'm the first to admit that I do not understand the concept of jewelry at all. To me, a watch is for telling time and taking splits, and that's it. It needs to be waterproof and comfortable, but has no requirement at all to be constructed of precious metals and encrusted with diamonds. Oh sure, I do know that chicks dig earrings and necklaces and stuff for some baffling reason, and I'm more than happy to do the jewelry-as-a-gift thing when required to score points in a relationship...but if you give me the choice of a $30 IronMan watch with large digits and easy-to-reach buttons versus a $20,000 Rolex, I'll take the IronMan every time.

(Well, OK, I'd actually take the Rolex -- and then trade it in for an IronMan watch and $19,970 in cash...but you know what I mean.)

Anyway, the point is that I don't have a Delorean time machine, and yet am perfectly able to leap into the future. This weekend was a prime example; it was Friday...and then suddenly it was Monday! I'm not sure how this happened -- I never reached 88 mph at all. But somehow the weekend hours I was planning to use for housekeeping, grocery shopping, and career advancement planning had suddenly vanished...and I found myself catapulted into the next work week without having spent nearly enough time enjoying the weekend. Oh, I suppose I did manage to attend an outstanding party on Saturday night, and had a good swim practice and tennis game on Sunday. And I guess I was able to watch a little bit of baseball and edit a couple of Veterans History Project discs. But I'm still convinced that the Future has appeared without giving me the benefit of enjoying enough of the Present, and I'm a bit grumpy about that.

Sigh. Why doesn't Life ever fling me into the Past, where I could advise myself to invest in the iPod and to not buy that crappy used Cadillac that broke down all the time and smelled like old people?

Oh well. I guess I can squeeze the laundry and shopping in along with the other weekday chores and duties. There is much to do before the next weekend time-shift throws me forward another couple of days. I'd better get to it.

Have a great day!