Distraction

I'm sure you all think of me as a highly-disciplined, laser-focused über-athlete who lives by a rigorous code of self-control and structured training; someone whose intensity and commitment to excellence reminds you of this guy:



But the truth is that despite the hours I spend chewing broken glass and thrusting my hands into hot coals in my relentless pursuit of mastery and dominance, I do have my weaknesses. There are chocolate and pizza, of course -- but who doesn't occasionally succumb to their delicious temptation? No, I'm talking about serious wastes of time and energy...like watching baseball.

Up until recently, this wasn't a real problem. I had the most basic of basic cable packages, and the only channels I ever watched were SyFy and Discovery. (OK, and maybe some Fox and TBS every now and then.) But the siren song of the boob tube fell mostly on deaf ears, due to the general crumminess of network offerings and the grating obnoxiousness of the so-called "news" channels. But then a strange thing happened: I suddenly began receiving more channels!

I discovered this by accident. As most discriminating viewers do, I had set up my remote to page through the few channels that restrict themselves to science, comedy, or cartoons...and was very much in the habit of strolling through those "favorites" until I landed on an episode of Ghosthunters I hadn't seen before, or a Family Guy where Cleveland's bath was interrupted. But one night, instead of pressing the "Up Channel" button, I accidentally hit one of the number keys. And surprise! There was programming where there used to be nothing but snow!

Hmmm. I spent the next several minutes flipping channels, investigating all the new content that suddenly had become visible within my el-cheapo cable package. It was marvelous! For some reason, Comcast had suddenly seen fit to bless me with previously-forbidden programming like USA, Spike, and TCM! But I knew I was in real trouble when I found that I also now had Rocky Mountain Fox Sports, Comedy Central, and the Cartoon Network. I feared that my days of unwavering personal schedule discipline and monk-like ascetic lifestyle were at an end.

Alas, this has turned out to be true. I have watched Rockies baseball for each of the last few evenings. Oh sure, it's enjoyable, and I can do some yoga stretching and wash the dishes and throw socks in the wash while it's on without missing any action. But it doesn't provide the same opportunity for getting stuff done that I'd have if I simply turned off the TV. Curse you, Comcast! You've ruined my life!

Now I fear I'm doomed to stay up late every night, feeling my blood pressure rise with every late-inning meltdown the Rockies throw at me. My health will deteriorate, my to-do list will continue to expand without accomplishment, and my couch will become littered with Dorito fragments. Eventually, I suppose my friends will stage an intervention and sever the co-ax that has led to my sad condition...but in the meantime, my descent into potato-hood continues at a breakneck pace.

Of course, if the Rockies would just get WAY ahead early, I could turn it off and go about my life, couldn't I?

Sigh. We can hope and dream, can't we? Well, in the meantime, I shall urge you to do everything you can to avoid the lure of mass media sports entertainment, and don't let your discipline dissipate into the ether. And have a great day!