May Day

When I was a kid, we used to celebrate the first of May with various "May Day" activities. I have no idea what the celebration was for -- probably some hold-over from the days when our European ancestors emerged from their caves to hunt the first wild monkey of springtime or something. Or maybe it had to do with bathing for the first time since last October's harvest. Whatever it was, it probably involved bagpipes, virgin sacrifices, and election of a new Lord of the Dance...and is probably best left buried deep in the past. But I do wonder why the traditions of my childhood seemed to have completely vanished.

I've heard speculation that it's because our country's current movement toward consolidation with Mexico has left May Day overshadowed by Cinco de Mayo. (I have to confess that I only have a vague impression of the significance of that holiday, too -- something to do with Santa eating brownies with Cheech and Chong, maybe? I dunno.) But it could be that May Day will make a comeback now that the intolerant bigots in Arizona have created an army of robocops to round up and shoot anyone with a tan. (At least that's what I've heard they've done. My knowledge of current events is about on par with my mastery of European history.)



As for why my generation hasn't clung to the May Day traditions of our youth, well, it may be because the "holiday" had no particular resonance with me and my peers. If I remember correctly, the celebration consisted of making "May Baskets" and distributing them to friends and neighbors in some sort of secretive fashion. I seem to remember placing a flower-filled construction-paper basket on a porch, ringing the doorbell, and then running away to watch their reaction from behind a bush or something. Let's face it, when your holiday celebration so closely resembles the famous "flaming dog-doo" gag, it's got some image problems.

And then there was the Maypole. Kids would get dressed up in Easter-esque finery and do this bobbing and weaving dance around a modified tetherball pole on the school playground, holding crepe paper streamers with the goal of somehow braiding the various strands together into a vertical version of Chinese finger-cuffs. I have no idea what purpose this served, except to give Groundskeeper Willie something to do when it came time to clean up the mess. I guess it also served to expose young boys to the idea that dancing was a hideous ordeal to be avoided at all costs, and that anyone who enjoyed it was gay.

Enforced crepe-paper-themed ritual dancing, labor-intensive construction of baskets, delivery of unwanted materials to underappreciative recipients -- well, the whole thing just seemed like a lot of work. And with no huge accompanying meal, no buckets full of candy, and no presents to open...it seemed like a gigantic waste of time. May Day was something that belonged to our parents, not to us, and would be rejected when we got older, along with other outdated geezer ideas like Brylcreem and neckties.

Whether you celebrate May Day, Cinco de Mayo, or a more Bacchanailan form of Spring celebration, though, you have to admit that it's good to get this month going. School will be over soon, outdoor pools will be open, and sunscreen manufacturers will once again make a profit. Life is good at this time of year. Let's get out there and enjoy it (with or without baskets)!