Curling

I'm thinking of moving to Canada.

Oh, I know there are curling teams in Denver, and that the game (can you really call it a sport?) is catching on down here in the States...but I don't think you can really get the flavor of it unless people are yelling about (aboot? aboat?) each and every shot. Plus, it just seems like the environment should include Mounties and mooses and, well...Canadians.

[Side question: Can mooses swim? Answer below.]

Yes, I will confess that I was one of the infidels who had formerly mocked curling. If polo is the Sport of Kings, then curling must've been the Sport of Really Bored Ice Fishermen. But after watching hours and hours of it during the Olympics, I have to admit that I've become intrigued. It's not about the frenzied sweeping, or even the tortured concentration it takes to put JUST the right amount of spin on the stone -- it's really more about the strategy of planning, blocking, and deciding when to smack your opponent's rocks...and when to let them lie. It's like a chess match where it takes 30 seconds for your Queen to slide to Queen's Level 3...and it just might miss. Can you imagine the tension Boris Spassky would face if he had to curl his bishops?

(Actually, the Spass-man probably IS curling nowadays. What the heck else is there to do in Siberian exile, anyway? Plenty of ice where that dude lives now, that's for sure.)

Even though I've become a fan, I confess that I still don't really understand the subtleties. Sure, I get it that it's good to have the hammer, and that you score by having your rocks in the house (hoose? hohse?)...but I'm not sure I'd be able to correctly decide whether to go for a blank end or try to score. It's way more complicated than trying to decide whether to have Tulo throw down a bunt with no outs. (Oots?)

Anyway, I'm planning to start a letter-writing campaign to see if we can't get more curling on TV during non-Olympic years. Why don't you join me in this effort? (And while we're at it, we can write to our idiot State representatives and urge them to repeal the ill-considered HB 1189 "Sales Tax on Internet Purchases" law.) I'm not sure which network would be best prepared to handle the rigors of televising curling, so I guess we'll just write to them all. It's gotta be better than "Supernanny", or "World's Deadliest Badger Attacks", right?

In the meantime, I'll just have to entertain myself by looking for frozen ponds and sliding dirt clods across the ice. Or maybe I'll grab my O-Cedar broom and portable steam-iron and head out to Chatfield to see if anybody's looking for a pick-up game.

I hope to see you on the ice. Have a great day!