Idiot Savant

Every couple of months, I get in touch with my old college roommate. It's always fun to hear from him, and we're sure to spend some quality moments reminiscing about all the good times we had in college. (Of course, we tend to ignore the times we suffered while studying for tests, fell asleep in ruthlessly boring classes, and received humiliating rejections from any women we might have mistakenly thought we were cool enough to talk to. Sigh.)

Most of our favorite memories come from hanging out with our swimming buddies of course...since as everyone knows, swimmers are the highest quality people that exist. But beyond memories of exciting competitions and irreverent shenanigans, I'm afraid that most of our "good times" involved sitting in the dorm room watching TV.

We grew up in Wichita, which only had three TV stations. (Well, four if you count PBS, which I don't. Not only was the PBS signal horrendously weak in most of the city, but back then they only showed operas, orchestras, and gardening shows...hardly the stuff that would entice viewers from my particular demographic.) But when we moved to Lawrence, we could pick up the UHF stations out of Topeka and Kansas City, and suddenly were exposed to all sorts of enticing programming. B-grade monster movies, overdubbed proto-Power-Rangers stuff (like Johnny Sokko and His Giant Robot -- could somebody please explain why a Japanese robot has the head of a sphinx?, and Ultraman!), reruns of Star Trek, the Beverly Hillbillies, and Green Acres. It was nirvana; other than the occasional sporting event or degree-critical classroom test, there was no reason to ever leave the warm glow of the cathode ray tube.

The amazing thing is that Mickey still remembers practically every episode of each of these programs, and more. He can quote lines from "Bewitched", "Kung Fu", "Hawaii 5-O", "Bullwinkle", and anything that Ron Howard ever appeared in. And if there was an industry that employed Jethro Bodine impersonators, he'd have a career for life.

Strangely, though, he doesn't seem to remember anything at all that was taught in the classes he occasionally attended. Or maybe that's not so surprising -- after all, there were rumors that (like certain politicians), some of the assignments he turned in may not have contained 100% original material. Hmm.

No matter. He graduated, and now owns a successful oil business in Tulsa. And he still corrects me if I use a TV show quote inaccurately. He may not be able to remember to tie his shoes or put on deoderant in the mornings, but he'll nail every one of Jed Clampett's folksy-wisdom lines without fail. While Nature may have been needlessly cruel in depriving him of good looks, social skills, and academic talent... he definitely has been granted the gift of 60s sitcom mimicry. I tip my hat to him for that, and look forward to our next nostalgic chat.

"Book 'em, Danno", and have a great day!