Psycho Ward

As you know, my college degree is from the famous William Allen White School of Journalism. You may not know that while I wholeheartedly support freedom of the press, I generally detest the way journalism is practiced in this country. There seems to be very little unbiased reporting to be found, and most of what the newsmongers choose to report is selected because it feeds their pathological need to create fear and panic and scandal.

I hate that.

I blame Woodward and Bernstein. (I also have a low opinion of Woodwinds and the Berenstain Bears, but that's a different topic altogether.) But my latest motivation for old-man ranting comes from the unfortunate need for people to identify scandals by attaching the word "gate" to whatever word serves as the scandal's maguffin. The latest example is "Deflate-gate." Grauggh.

First of all, there is not one single person outside of the media who thinks the Colts would've beaten the Patriots if there had been a few more ounces of air in the balls. Not one.

And second, well...just shut up about it. I'd rather talk about baseball at this point. After all, the Rockies are undefeated in 2015 so far.

Besides, isn't a "water gate" more properly referred to as a "valve," anyway? And if Elvis thinks Nixon is OK, well, who am I to argue?

Anyway, none of that has anything to do with today's topic, which is these guys:



The first panel contains famed cowboy actor Ward Bond. As far as I know, he is not related to 007, nor to Julian, nor to anyone named Gold. But even though many of you did not recognize him, you are certainly familiar with the significant impact his role in "It's a Wonderful Life" had on PBS.



Bond played Bert, the cop...who was friends with Ernie, the cab driver. Those characters inspired the eponymous gay puppets on Sesame Street. I don't see the resemblance, myself, but...whatever.

The puzzle's second panel contains the answer TWICE. The character sliding down the batpole is Bruce Wayne's youthful ward, Dick Grayson. The bonus arises from the fact that the character was played by actor Burt Ward, who has NO relationship with Sesame Street, as far as I know.

And here's the thought that inspired the puzzle in the first place. I was watching Batman, and found myself wondering how a person becomes a ward to a millionaire in the first place. Is it like being adopted? And what do you call the adult in that situation...the "warden"? If it's a parental relationship, then wouldn't Bruce Wayne be subject to scrutiny from Social Services? I'd think they'd absolve the relationship based on making the kid wear green shoes and a cape...much less subjecting him to fistfights with hardened criminals and weekly bouts with inescapable death devices.

Holy child abuse, Batman! Anyway...back to the puzzle.

The football player is Hines Ward. He was named after his father, Hines Ward, Sr...but I have no earthly idea what Granpappy Ward was thinking when he came up with the name Hines for his kid. I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with John Kerry's ketchup company.

The last panel contains Hugh Beaumont, the actor who played the world's greatest father, Ward Cleaver. His TV wife was named "June" -- and I guess when you think about it, naming someone after a month is just about as odd as calling them Hines. But "June" is positively benign when compared to being called "Beaver" or "Wally."

Oh well, I suppose "Terry" isn't exactly an impressive name, either. At least they haven't named any Sesame Street characters after me.

Anyway, thanks for playing. Have a great day!