Mélange

What would you call an eclectic collection of macabre short stories? A Poe-pourri, of course.

What filing category would you use for storing information on an assortment of Titan, Minuteman, and Peacekeeper rocket engines?
Missle-laneous.

What do you call a cast-off relic that has no utility in the modern world, and will be quickly forgotten?
John Fox.

What? Too soon? Sorry.

I also would've accepted "Captain Dunsel." Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that today's entry is a mishmash of non-related topics, mostly related to my ongoing feebleness and inability to function as a productive member of society. I still have a cough, some general physical weakness, and some lingering fuzziness in the brainpan.

But that's not the worst of it. Last night as I crawled into bed, I discovered that becoming supine had the side effect of re-organizing the fluids that my chest cold had generated. A violent coughing spasm broke out, and before it was finished, I felt a stabbing pain in my side.

I think I cracked a rib.

Good lord. Seriously? I'm that fragile now? I try really hard to take in the nutrients that keep one's body intact, and I supplement with all the recommended vitamins and minerals. My ribs should be strong and flexible. And honestly, I shouldn't even be able to catch a stinking cold. My immune system should reject viruses the way cheerleader Marti Willis rejected my prom invitation in high school. Mercilessly.

[Well, OK, I didn't actually have the courage to ask any girls for dates in high school. But we all know what would've happened if I did.]

The sad thing is that a cracked rib is not the worst of it. This morning I was swimming to cool down after my rather mellow plyometrics workout when I had another coughing attack. I stopped swimming and stood up in the lane...but misjudged the depth of the water. It was shallower than I thought, and my Morton's toe smacked the bottom with painful force. Ouch!

I don't think I broke it, but my toe is very tender right now. It may not have been too awfully bad if that were the only thing that had happened, but last week I had injured the same toe by stupidly walking into the protruding foot of the lifeguard chair on the pool deck. (In my defense, I was paying attention during my class, and was maneuvering for a better view. The swine lifeguard chair was not in its normal position because of the "rescue jump" drills we were doing.) Arghh.

Hmm. Maybe it IS broken. Sure hurts.

Anyway, on a completely different topic, I wanted to let you know about my latest scientific experiment. Here's the background: During the last cold snap, my car's windshield developed a thick sheet of ice on the inside of the car. I'm sure this is the result of me bringing wet swimsuits (and frequently a wet head and damp towel, too) into the car after my workouts. Humidity builds up in there, and it takes some serious effort from the defroster to regain visibility when it freezes on the windshield. (You can't scrape it; access is horrendous, and it would leave streaks that would be hard to eradicate.)

My experimental solution involves technology -- An off-the-shelf dehumidifier, to be precise. These babies are supposed to suck the water out of the air and leave your car's interior bone dry. And then, when the device has reached it limit, you "renew" it by plugging it into a standard household outlet, where it heats up to release the moisture into the air. (I'll do that in the room where I keep my guitar. Extra humidity is good for keeping the instrument from developing cracks.)

Both my wet swimsuit and my dehumidifier are sitting in my car today. If the experiment works, then I'll be able to drive home tonight without interior ice. If not, then I guess I'll go back to the "sit there until the heater can blast away the frost" strategy. I'll let you know.

Otherwise, my challenge for the day is to get work done without coughing too violently...or banging my toes into anything. Wish me luck, and have a great day!

PS. I think Tim Tebow should be the new Broncos coach. Do you agree?