Merry Christmas!

As I write this, Santa's elves are probably starting to load the Slinkys onto the sleigh, and piling up pasta so the reindeer can do their carbo-loading.

The Fat Man himself is probably going over the list with a red pen to slash through the names of anybody who has put a girl's pigtails in an inkwell or thrown four interceptions in a single game, etc. I'm sure there are lumps of coal allocated for anyone who's middle name is either "Jong" or "Hussein," and for the Fox31 programming pinhead who thought "Wheel of Fortune" would be an adequate replacement for "The Simpsons."

Have I been a good boy this year? Which side of the naughty/nice ledger do you think contains MY name? Will Santa bring me what I want...or will the airwaves continue to be dominated by reality TV shows? I don't know.

Overall, though, I would have to say that I can't think of any specific instances of evil behavior on my part. Other than designing a few swim practices that some might have considered cruel -- well, I've been pretty much on the side of truth, justice, and the American way. I have bathed regularly, used my turn signals for every change of direction, and have donated tons of money to wilderness preservation though my shrewd investment in non-winning lottery tickets.

It's not quite time for my "Year in Review" blog, so I'll keep this post focused on the Joys of Christmas. My problem this year stems from my association with too many generous people. I keep being subjected to culinary temptations such as cookies, fudge, and ice cream. Resistance appears to be futile, which has caused my BMI-calculating bathroom scales to classify me as a "Sumo."

Speaking of cookies, I find the photo above to be somewhat troubling. (As always, you click to embiggen.) Don't you find something odd about the idea of baking cookies in the shape of other foods? Why make a cookie shaped as a cupcake? Cupcakes are a perfectly acceptable form of confectionary in their own right. It's weird.

And speaking of weird things, I suppose I could do a standard "year in review" holiday letter, complete with vacation roundups, pictures of pets (if I had any), and a summary of my kid's school and job status. But for some reason, I have no urge to inflict such punishment upon you. I may still bore you with the story of the ordeal caused by my vacuum cleaner's recent demise, or photos from my company's recent Christmas party...or not. I will, though, provide product reviews on all the new toys I bought myself for Christmas. There will also be commentary on the lifeguard training I'll be taking during New Year's week. Fun stuff ahead, for sure!

In the meantime, I want to wish you all an excellent Festivus, and share my hopes that you'll be able to enjoy the holidays with your loved ones and your G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip, etc.

Enjoy!