Squad 51, Investigate the Situation at the Pool

Well, it appears that the Broncos have once again ignored my advice, and Mr. Tebow continues to NOT be employed at Mile High Stadium. Sigh.

On the other hand, I do like Gary Kubiak (not pictured here). Whether he's the guy to get them to the next level remains to be seen. I'm guessing that next year will NOT be a SuperBowl year.

But enough of that. Let's talk lifeguarding! I'm starting this week!

After I passed the training class, the management at the Ridge let me know that they were SO desperate for guards they were even willing to take an old fat guy with questionable people skills and the memory of a, uh, well...I forget.

Most of the other guards are very nice, and will help me acclimate to the new job, I'm sure. I'm barely being paid enough to buy a Taco Bell meal every four hour shift, so my spending habits are unlikely to change any time soon, and my retirement date will remain so far in the future that we'll have hoverboards and self-inflating jackets, and we'll eat at Max Headroom nostalgia cafes. It's a long way off.

Still, I intend to savor the authority and absolute POWER that lifeguards have. I've been practicing my James Earl Jones compliance voice for the last week or so. ("Stop running, or I shall destroy you!" "No splashing, you insignificant speck of pond scum!" etc.)

For now, though, I'm sorry to report that my lung congestion remains, and I still haven't resumed my normal activity level. I thought my immune system was unbreakable, but have found that it seems to have left for Australia or something. It's very frustrating.

As I try to rest and recover, I will leave you with a short musical segment that explains the process of becoming a lifeguard. After watching this and knowing what skills I now have, perhaps you'll pay more attention to my coaching directions, too.

Enjoy, and have a great day!