Brainstorming Input Needed

Quick...name one other person, fictional or real-life, anytime throughout history, who possessed a "youthful ward." And no, a teenage June Cleaver doesn't count. You know what I mean.

I just find it interesting that are certain words that everyone knows, but only use in very specific circumstances. The only time you'd ever use the word "stately" is to describe Wayne Manor. And if you use the word "dread" as an adjective rather than a noun, you're probably talking about a very specific pirate. And everyone knows that the phrase "One point twenty one" is only used when discussing jiggawatts.

Other words have two or three uses. "Abominable" could refer to Dr. Phibes, or a snowman, or the Rockies' pitching. (This is not to be confused with the word Obaminable, which is generally used to refer to poorly-conceived healthcare legislation.) "Brobdingnagian" can refer to either the federal deficit, or Rosie O'Donnell.

So, as long as we're talking about the skilled use of language, let me ask today's ultra-simple trivia question: What is the next (classic) line of dialog that follows the scene depicted above?

Anyway, while I have neither the Caped Crusader's intellectual prowess nor his finely-honed athleticism, I do sometimes feel as he must have when confronting those nuns. You see -- I, too, have important goals I wish to accomplish, but occasionally find myself hampered by the unexpected appearance of obstacles.

Here is a truncated list of the roadblocks that I'm currently blaming for my lack of success:

• The Colorado Lottery. By continually thwarting my retirement plans by awarding the jackpots to other people, the Lottery is directly responsible for the hours I am forced to spend earning a paycheck. The swine.
• Mother Nature. I have tried to warm the planet with my flagrant overuse of aerosols and fossil fuels, but stupid Nature continues to throw out cold temperatures, snow, and that evil, evil wind. How the heck am I supposed to get my running and biking in under these conditions? I am willing to endure some hardship to achieve my athletic goals, but asking me to put on long pants, gloves, and a hat...well, that's just too much.

• Netflix. Sure, the Winter Olympics were a distraction...but only a temporary one. And I spent far less time watching than I would have if they'd have broadcast the curling competition during prime time. But even when the networks oblige my needs and motivate me toward other activities by showing nothing but vile crap, Netflix continues to offer irresistible temptations. No one could fight the urge to sit immobile in front of the tube for the full run of a movie where Bruce Campbell is a convict who reluctantly finds himself battling shape-shifting aliens in an isolated and snowbound airport.
• Entropy. If there were no dishes to wash, no vacuuming to do, and no such thing as laundry day, I would have time to be far more effective as an athlete and creative artist. But then again, perhaps it's not fair to blame a phenomenon of physics...after all, everyone has to deal with the same domestic chaos that I do. Perhaps I should blame genetics, instead, since my DNA seems to lack the "home chores" gene. Just as I will never be able to sprint, sing like Robert Goulet, or remain alert and intellectually functional after 8pm, I am afraid that I'll never be efficient at housekeeping. I will certainly continue to fight the battle, but I suspect that Mr. Entropy will wind up on the podium more often than I do. Sigh.

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, I am attempting to do one "new" thing each month of this year. I plan to do this month's item on the last day of February...but then I need to figure out what'll be on the agenda for the rest of the year.

It doesn't have to be anything that requires effort, nor does it have to be particularly interesting. It could be as simple as eating pancake syrup on a taco. (That might work for October or something. Stay tuned.)

I could try snowboarding, writing a letter blindfolded, or smoking marijuana. I could listen to an entire rap album, walk across hot coals, or read a Harry Potter book. Heck, it's not at all difficult to come up with a list of things I haven't done. After all, I've never kicked a ninja in the crotch, nor jumped naked into a pond full of alligators. But those don't sound like very good ideas.

Yeah, so I'm only going to choose things that sound like fun and won't harm me. The taco with syrup fits, and snowboarding might, too -- but probably none of the others I mentioned above. I have no desire to eat grasshoppers or snails, or to visit Cambodia, either.

But the general flow of life might take care of some of the months. I just received a Jury Summons for April, so if I actually serve, that would count. (I've been called in for jury duty in the past, but as soon as they learn that I support the death penalty for telemarketers, spammers, and people who don't use turn signals...they quickly dismiss me.) Perhaps my shiny new car will catch the eye of the Swedish Bikini Team and get me invited to a hot tub pizza party where live music is performed by the Rock Bottom Remainders. You never know.

In the meantime, I am asking for your help. If you have any ideas for novel (and hopefully inexpensive) activities that you think fit my personality and abilities, please let me know. Otherwise, I hope that no nuns interfere with your duties, and that you have a great day!