Elitch Gardens

Even though it was only 3 days until my departure from the company, I still received tickets for "Family Day" at Elitch Gardens. Tanner said he'd go with me, so...we went.



I don't really have "rules" in my life, but there are some general guidelines I usually follow. For example, I never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line...nor do I send my bank account PIN to royal Nigerians who offer me a percentage of their fortunes via unsolicited emails. And generally, I don't voluntarily strap myself into any device that features warning signs about the possibility of cardiac arrest and/or decapitation. But Tanner wanted to ride the "Mind Eraser", and with my mind already depleted from all the job-change thought processes, well...I couldn't think up a plausible excuse for wimping out.

When I was growing up in Kansas, we called 'em "rolley coasters", but as exciting as those rides were, you remained mostly upright throughout. The Mind Eraser, on the other hand, performs its cerebral degaussing by flinging you through a series of high-g maneuvers with no regard for verticality. When you're spinning in a way that forces all the blood into your toes, it's difficult to do much math -- but by my reckoning, we were upside down at least 6 times throughout the ride. The seat belts held, as did our constitutions, so there were neither cardiac nor gastric anomalies of any kind. But I'll confess that I was a bit dizzy when stumbling off the ride platform at the end.

And then, just for good measure, we rode the more traditional Twister. It's not as geometrically interesting as the Mind Eraser, but it's actually more terrifying...since it's built from 100-year-old pine wood held together with twine, Elmer's glue, and a few paper clips. You spend the entire ride praying that the inspecting engineer was actually competent and didn't get his degree from Nebraska or something.

We also rode the Ferris Wheel. (The Mind Eraser is the red and turquoise monstrosity in the background.)



While Tanner gravitates toward thrill rides, I tend to enjoy those that involve water. At my urging, the kid agreed to ride "Shipwreck Falls", which I will admit is very silly. It goes up...and then comes down, smacking the vehicle's front end (bow?) into a pond at high velocity. The result is a minor thrill from the plunge down toward the water, followed by a humongous splash. Visually, it's impressive. And on a hot day, the soaking you receive could be positively refreshing. On a moderate day (such as the one we experienced), you're basically just wet for the rest of the day. I mean soaked through to the bone. Shoes, socks, underwear, wallet, cell phone -- everything.

Fortunately, my camera is waterproof:



Tanner wasn't real happy with me after that.

So what else is there to do? Well, the Disaster Canyon ride also warns you about getting wet. But once you're sopping, there's really no reason to avoid it, even if it is pretty lame compared to the other rides. But it spins and bounces enough to provide smiles and chuckles, and I have to admit that I enjoyed it.

But after that, we concluded that we were sufficiently amused, so we called it a day.

It's almost certainly the last time I'll be able to go to Elitch's at company expense. That's sad, I suppose, but I won't lose any sleep anguishing over giving up this particular employment benefit. It's not as if there was any real "corporate bonding" going on at the event. And any "family bonding" we experienced can be duplicated without requiring my employer to rent a park for the afternoon. The fact is that I enjoy hanging out with my kid, and for the time being, at least, he's not opposed to the experience, either. I count that among my many blessings.

And if that's not enough, my impending career change is providing opportunities to recognize and comment upon some of my other blessings. I'll be describing more of them in future posts here, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how much I do appreciate your visits to this site, and I always value your feedback and friendship. Thanks for your patronage, my friends. And if the urge strikes you, I certainly encourage you to go upside down, get wet, and enjoy the g-forces that accompany your journeys. And have a great day!