Lightning

I am personally embarrassed, dumbfounded, and frankly, a little frightened—now that the USA has no human spaceflight capability. Oh sure, I know we have "plans" to continue with a new capsule in just a few years, but if the peabrains in Washington can't even figure out that the first step toward getting out of a hole is to stop digging...well, I don't have much faith that they'll be able to get us back into space before the Klingons arrive. It was nice to see all the tributes to the Shuttle program when Atlantis landed, but it's still disturbing to think that we're dependent on the Rooskies if we even want to put a dadgum chimp in orbit.

(Speaking of chimps, did you see that there's a new Planet of the Apes movie coming out? I guess I'm not the only person who views space program cutbacks as the harbingers of simian apocalypse. Hmm.)

I sometimes still hear the expression "We can put a man on the moon, but we still can't [insert desirable outcome phrase here*]." Well, I hate to say this, but we haven't been able to put a man on the moon for 40+ years. We've spent billions creating mandates for labels telling people not to stick their tongues into lawn mowers, and paying for research studies to see if people enjoy having dinner forks impaled in their shinbones...but we can't even replicate accomplishments we pulled off when freakin' Nixon was President. Geez.

Anyway, the point is that we've had some amazing lightning displays during the evening monsoons over the last couple of weeks. There have been a couple of times when I've been driving home from my temporary work location in Louisville and have been able to watch Nature's Fury unleashed across the southern horizon. I've seen some pretty intense lightning over the years, but I don't recall ever seeing lightning that stayed sizzling for such a long duration. It's not that it was any brighter or more crackly than other lightning -- just that it seemed to stay in the sky forever.

That's some serious electricalicity, man. Tesla would be proud (if he were alive today.) I'm also quite certain he would say "Dudes -- Nature is going to continue to kick our butts if we don't get smarter! C'mon folks...let's send people to Mars and beyond, so we can learn about hard stuff and figure out better ways to deal with harsh conditions!"

Roddenberry would say the same thing. So would Asimov, Sagan, and Abraham Lincoln. Probably even Gary Coleman and Frank Zappa. And definitely Slim Pickens. So let's do it, people -- every time you see a bolt of lightning in the sky, use it as a reminder to communicate frequently with your elected representatives, and to let them know that we want to see vision as opposed to regulation -- boldness as opposed to helotry. We used to admire the spark, and pursue the thunder, but now it seems that we have many more extinguishers than fires. Let's get out there and give new meaning to the phrase "Rocket's Red Glare", OK?

Yeah.

OK, 'nuff said for now. Have a great day!

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*Top Ten Phrases that Follow "We can put a man on the moon, but we still can't..."

• ...get rid of Ryan Secrest.


• ...re-animate Jimi Hendrix.


• ...understand why all them silly furriners enjoy soccer so much.


• ...have Reese's Easter Eggs all year 'round.


• ...find intuitive video editing software for the Macintosh.


• ...discover any U2 music that doesn't completely suck.


• ...elect a Pontiff called Pope John Elway the First.


• ...cure Rosie O'Donnell.


• ...figure out how to pronounce "Shia LaBeouf".


• ...pass laws against rap music and wearing ballcaps backwards.


• ...believe in the vast government conspiracy that faked the moon landings—which by the way, renders this list completely gratuitious, since it's based on an assumption that is patently false, as you can plainly see by analyzing the shadows in that one picture of the waving flag. And c'mon -- how the heck is the flag supposed to be waving when there's no wind in space, anyway, man. It just doesn't make any sense at all! Wake up, people; don't let them get away with these lies!!!Fight the power!!