The Best Laid Plans...

Can you spell "Discipline"? Apparently I can't.


As I discovered the other day, I really don't have the vocabulary to describe the nuances of taste sensation that accompany the experience of savoring a quality assortment. For me, the individual candies in this box can ALL be described with one of three phrases: "Pretty good", "OK", and "meh". I know that I'll offend chocolatiers and theobromine purists everywhere by saying this, but I think I get just as much pleasure out of guzzling a handful of Nestlé's morsels...or biting off a few squares of a Hershey bar.

And quite frankly, I'm at a loss to explain the marketing strategy behind the box design. Mary See may have been an outstanding confectioner, but as a spokesmodel, she leaves much to be desired. Her "strict grandma" visage probably frightens small children, and evokes memories of relatives who smell of cigarettes, cough medicine, and incontinent cats. And what does "Old Fashioned" really mean in this context? Do they use "low-fructose" corn syrup instead of the modern "high-fructose" variety that's been proven superior due to its high-tech molecular structure? Or were the goodies made in big black kettles by hair-netted women wearing floor-length dresses and stirring the vats with big wooden paddles as local urchins stoked the fire with wood gathered from nearby forests?

I somehow doubt it. I suspect that candy factory is fully compliant with all OSHA and FDA regulations, and that anyone touching the stuff is wearing latex gloves and respirators. (At least I hope so.) Not sure what's "old fashioned" about that.

Oh well, the only thing that really matters is whether it tastes good or not. And chocolate usually does...even if it's surrounding an abominable creme center filled with shaved cherry bits or asymmetrical coffee-flavored lumps. And as I mentioned before, receiving an entire box of such treats as a reward for a year's work chained to an oar in the metaphorical galley ships of corporate enterprise sure beats having to attend a luncheon featuring speeches by weary lame-duck managers who have already taken the buyout option and will be sailing on their yachts before next Spring's thaw.

So, enough said about that. I'm sure I'll have more to say about other Christmas traditions, including such topics as carols, trees, and eggnog. Stay tuned for that. But I'll sign off today with a plug for my distant cousin's chocolate shop. He's a local legend in Ohio, and truly does make spectacular candies. And if you want to talk about "Old Fashioned"...well, his website is pure early 90's vintage, so it shows that they're far more interested in creating quality chocolates than they are in marketing their wares out there among the Internets. They don't ship during the summer months (the packages can get pretty gooey in the back of a UPS truck on a 90° day), but will be happy to fill your orders for the next month or two. Check them out: www.heggy's.com. And have a great day!