Happy Thanksgiving!

Despite their funny hats, lack of swimming pools, and misguided attempts to ban Kevin Bacon from dancing, the Pilgrims were A-OK -- they sure came up with a good idea when they thought up this Thanksgiving thing.

(Yeah, I know...we need to give credit to the Indians, too. If I'm remembering my history classes correctly, Geronimo and his lovely wife Sacajewea brought the cranberry sauce and the decorative multicolored squash for the centerpiece. But I'm pretty sure the idea of sitting at a table to stuff yourself stupid and then watching football was strictly a Euro-Pilgrim contribution. And whether it's politically correct or not, we all know which of those ideas has done more to shape American society, don't we?)

I shall leave it to other bloggers to describe the wonders of feasting upon large roasted birds and endless varieties of pie. And since I am thankful for pretty much the same things as everyone else is (health, family, friends, Led Zeppelin, etc), I won't bother going into detail about items that bring joy to my life on a daily basis. I will spend part of my Thanksgiving Day reflecting upon those joys, for sure...but I won't bore you with those reflections.

Instead, I thought I'd make a short list of things for which I expect to be grateful on future Thanksgivings. I'm not predicting when these things will materialize...I'm just saying I'm thankful in advance.

• I'm thankful that the "pants on the ground" fad died, and that kids have learned how to use that fabulous invention known as "the belt".


• And I'm not saying this has anything to do with the bullet point above, but I'm thankful that my son has found regular employment and no longer asks his parents to pay for anything.


• I'm thankful that people finally realized that U2 is a very mediocre band, and have demanded that Bono repay all the money people wasted on their albums...so the formerly misguided fans can go buy Blue Öyster Cult music instead.


• I'm thankful that Dominos added Spam and gummi worms as topping choices.


• I'm thankful that my boss apologized for all the years of undervaluing my talent, and has adjusted my salary accordingly.


• I'm thankful that they found somebody who could fill Leslie Nielsen's shoes, so that the Naked Gun franchise could continue. (But who'd have thought it would be Jar Jar Binks?)


• I'm thankful that implementing the death penalty for email spammers turned out to be such an effective deterrent.


• I'm especially thankful the upgrades to the traffic light system so I no longer have to sit at the lights for 5 minutes at 5am when there's not a single other car on the road. (Of course, this is the same technology that will eventually lead to Skynet and doomsday plagues of terminator robots, but for the moment, it's nice to not waste time when there's no traffic.)


• And, oh yeah...I'm thankful for World Peace.

I hope your 2010 Thanksgiving is everything you hoped it would be, and that your future Thanksgivings are even better. And I hope that the time between now and next Thanksgiving evokes moments of daily gratitude for bringing you a constant stream of pleasures and thrills. Have a great day!