Smoke Detector

As you may be aware, I make the world's greatest pizza. I had made one of these masterpieces the other day, and was looking forward to savoring the last leftover slices when I got home from work. Well, I finished off my pizza all right -- but there was quite an interval between the first bite and the last. Therein lies today's tale.

I was blissfully eating, making that "mmmm" noise you make when your food is too delicious to be described in any known language. In the middle of my twelfth bite, there was a knock on the door. I had been pretty hungry when I got home, so I was a tad annoyed at the interruption. I figured I'd look out the peephole, and if I didn't know the person, would ignore them and go back to eating.

Nobody was there. I turned back toward my dinner plate, figuring that the kid selling magazines or candy or whatever had given up, when there was another knock. I went back to the peephole, and this time, I recognized my neighbor Rosemary. The first time, she had just been standing too close to the door, and not being very tall, was below my field of view. Anyway, after I opened the door, I found out that her smoke detector was beeping, and she couldn't reach it.

Those things are a total pain in the butt. Yes, I know they save lives...but what kind of moron designs something that is SO incredibly difficult to deal with when it begins to whine for attention? There's no "snooze" button. They're usually mounted on the ceiling, using a hidden screw system that forces you to work blind with your arms over your head while standing on something precarious. I suspect that more people die from smoke-detector ladder accidents than from actual fires. But I digress.

Rosemary said that the foul thing had kept her awake throughout the previous night, sleeping in the other room with a pillow hugged tightly over her head. Anyway, long story short -- I dragged my barstool over to her place, and after much struggle, sore arms, and some language I'm not proud of, I got the defective detector down and replaced the battery with a spare she had...and it still kept beeping! ??? I didn't have any other suggestions for her, so I wished her luck and went back home while she was holding the offending device in her hand. I suspect she ended up smashing it to pulp, throwing it in the trash, and will buy a new one tomorrow.

The bottom line is that I really need a stepstool or a small ladder. Anyway, I performed my good neighbor duties for the evening, and was finally able to finish off my pizza. Then I played guitar until my soda was gone, and zipadee doo dah--here it is at bedtime. And believe it or not, I think I'm sleepy enough to snooze.

Here's wishing us all a peaceful, beep-free night!