Anatomically Correct

Obviously, the career I am most suited for would be "Absolute Supreme Dictator and Ruler of the World."

At this point, I suspect that's not going to happen. Yes, it is an epic tragedy that my wisdom and benevolence cannot be harnessed to bring peace and tranquility to the Body, but it is that same wisdom and benevolence that leave me ill-suited for a career in politics. I am truly sorry about that.

My second most obvious career aptitude would seem to be replacing Harrison Ford as America's most beloved action hero movie star...but it seems that Shia LeBeouf has preempted me there. Sigh.

But I do think there are still opportunities for me to find gainful employment as a product tester and suggester of design improvements. For example, my advice to cell phone companies would be to "make call quality suck less," and my advice to William Shatner would be to "keep up the good work, dude!"

I have also wondered why there are two poorly-positioned detent positions on car doors; one of them is too narrow to allow egress, and is so wide that it guarantees impact with the car in the adjacent space. There should either be more detent positions, or have one of them measured to be consistent with real-life parking lot activities.

Anyway, the point of today's post is to give additional kudos to the Altra Zero Drop shoe company. If you look at the footprint picture above, you may notice that the Altra shoe pictured here shows a pretty good shape correlation with an actual human foot. It has room for all of the runner's toes.

This shoe, on the other hand, operates on the principle that squished toes will somehow enhance the user experience.

I find this not to be the case.

Don't get me wrong, the Hoka One One shoe is a wonderful piece of footwear engineering, and I do not regret my purchase. (More about that in a minute.) It's just that the shoe could be improved immensely by imitating the Altra's generous and well-designed toe box.

I apologize to those who are already familiar with my running history, but I think a little background will provide perspective. Here goes:

I rarely wore shoes in my youth. It wasn't that our family couldn't afford them; it was just that I saw no need for them. I was perfectly comfortable going barefoot, and thanks to the adaptability Mother Nature provides, the act of eschewing shoes resulted in impenetrable calluses protecting the bottoms of my feet. I could walk on dirt, gravel, and even hot asphalt on most days without once thinking I needed to go put on my Keds.

In college, my roommate and I both did our swim team's 3-mile runs barefoot, played racquetball barefoot, and went on dates barefoot.

Well, OK, neither of us ever actually went on a date...but if we did, we'd have probably done it barefoot. (Come to think of it, this may begin to explain why we couldn't get dates. Hmm.)

Mickey even did barefoot water skiing. (I tried, and my leatherlike feet could certainly handle it -- but I just didn't have Mickey's natural athletic ability. I had to be content with just being smarter, better looking, and less flatulent.)

I never suffered a running-related injury until I started wearing shoes. To be honest, I had no desire to attempt to run more than 3 miles barefoot -- you never know when there might be broken glass or cockleburs out on the course -- so when I began to train for my first marathon, I purchased some real running shoes. Training went well, but somewhere around mile 20 during the actual race, I got a stress fracture in my foot.

[I should probably write a separate post about that race; it was an interesting experience. An intelligent person would have dropped out after the bone cracked...but it was my first marathon and I didn't want to be a wimp.]

Over the next 30-some years, I have tried a zillion different shoes, several different prescription orthotics, and more than a handful of "technique of the week" running styles. Breaking my ankle at Water World probably contributed to my running woes, too...but during most of that time, I had various knee, hamstring, and motivation problems.

Then I tried the Altras. Admittedly, my ankle-rehab physical therapy happened concurrently with my transition to zero-drop running, but I really do think the shoes had a lot to do with the fact that I've had no knee or leg problems of any sort while wearing Altras.

Alas, though -- I did eventually end up with plantar fasciitis. I don't know if the shoes were to blame, but I do know that my feet hurt now when I run in them. Normally, I would have no issue with taking time off from running (and in fact, I have done exactly that for a couple of months), but with USAT Nationals coming up in just a few weeks, I really need to be pounding the pavement.

That's where the Hokas come in. These very expensive shoes have a reputation for superior shock absorption and comfort, and have been recommended by several of my running friends. I tried them on at the store, and sure enough, they felt very cushy. I figured they would cushion my fasciitis feet just enough to get me through the miles I needed to ensure that I could finish the Milwaukee race.

The good news is that I was able to run in the Hokas without any heel pain. They're not zero drop, but the heel-toe difference is minimal; so I didn't notice a great change in my stride. But the bad news is that I got a hideous pinkie-toe blister from the cramped toe box.

Oh well. I can deal with that, and I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to get in several more spongy runs before I taper for the race. But I just wonder why they didn't make the darn things foot-shaped in the first place? It doesn't seem like a difficult concept.

Anyway, the point is that I had a good...nay, an excellent weekend. Despite spending a month's salary on shoes and other sundries, I feel like I was able to make progress toward having a satisfying trip to Milwaukee. I'll provide the details behind that statement in tomorrow's blog. That discussion will include multiple colors of wildlife, blowtorch demonstrations, explosive decompression, psychotic rednecks, and the consequences of bad parenting, among other things. (It was a full weekend, after all.) I hope you'll drop by.

Have a great day!