Slim, Hulk, and Buck

Slim Whitman's real name was Ottis (pronounced AH-tis) Dewey Whitman. I have no idea whether he was a skinny kid, or whether Col. Tom Parker just decided that the name "Slim" would keep people from confusing him with Elvis. I also don't know if his left-handed guitar playing (a result of losing part of a finger on his right hand) was the inspiration for Jimi Hendrix...but I'm guessing it probably was.

Boxcar Willie's real name was Lecil Travis Martin. The name "Boxcar Willie" was from a character in a ballad he wrote, but he later adopted it as his stage name. He and I have much in common, since he once worked as a flight engineering on a Boeing KC-97, and I worked in the engineering department at Boeing in '79.

Slim Pickens was originally named Louis Burton Lindley, Jr. I don't know whether he even played the guitar, but I do know that he was one of the most entertaining cowboy actors ever. His crowning achievement is probably his portrayal of Major Kong in "Dr. Strangelove", where he gives the wonderful speech regarding "strong personal feelins about nucler combat". But younger folks may know him better from his role as Hedley Lamarr's halfwit lackey in "Blazing Saddles." Good stuff.

Hulk Hogan's real name is Terry Gene Bollea. Obviously, if you want to achieve success as a tough guy, you can't be named "Terry", which is a girl's name, after all. "Hulk" is a pretty macho moniker, though, so you ought to be able to beat up some punk named "Rocky", right? As for the mustache, well, I don't think someone named Terry could handle one of those, either.

This one has a few layers. "Clubber" is a character in a Rocky movie, and in that movie, the guy's name is actually James Lang...so that's our official answer. But if you dig deeper, you'll notice that the actor was "Mr. T", whose birth name was Laurence Tureaud. So I guess you could've said that Clubber was really "Larry" -- except that Larry wasn't a choice in the right column of our puzzle.

Oddly enough, Tommy "Tiny" Lister has also appeared with the aforementioned Terry Bollea. He was a character called Zeus in the movie "No Holds Barred." My favorite role is his portrayal of the President in "The Fifth Element", followed closely by the criminal guy who threw the remote detonator out the ship's window in "The Dark Knight."

Beef Jerky was the stage name of actor Jethro Bodine, an understudy of the esteemed thespian, Dash Riprock. Bodine's film career was short, and mostly involved being blown up in various explosive stunts. Jethro seemed content, however, to spend most of his time in his roles of Boy Jeenius, and International Playboy.

Aviator Douglas Corrigan was originally named "Clyde Groce Corrigan" by his parents, but wisely changed his name to Douglas as an adult. He claimed the nickname "Wrongway" when he filed a flight plan to go from New York to California, but instead ended up in Ireland. Much evidence points to his flight being intentional, since he had asked for clearance to make that trip but had been declined.

Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson was a music composer who didn't really embrace the nickname. You can't blame him; I'm not sure I'd want to be known for the number of peripheral structures I had on my property, either. Maybe if I had "two cats", or "two Zambonis" -- but not just for something as pedestrian as sheds.

Guitarist and musical genius Donald Brian Roeser took the stage name of Buck Dharma, and achieved fame as a member of the second greatest rock band in history. Known for deeply spiritual lyrics such as "She's as beautiful as a foot" and "Hornswoop me bungo pony, dogsled on ice", the Blue Oyster Cult used Buck's guitar skills to also pay homage to cultural heroes such as the Grim Reaper and Godzilla.

Junious "Buck" Buchannan was a fearsome defensive tackle for the Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs, and is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. He was part of the team I followed growing up.

Of course, the wisdom that comes with maturity has now led me to understand that the Chiefs suck and that the Broncos are the team to follow, but I still hold some affection for Buck and Lenny and Otis, and the rest of the team from those years. Would I have been as big a fan if I'd have known his name was Junious? Yeah, probably...but I fully support his use of the nickname, even if he couldn't play the guitar.

As far as I know, this guy doesn't play the guitar, either. Buck Henry was originally named Henry Zuckerman, but changed it to help out his career as a comedy writer. He has appeared many times on Saturday Night Live, but is probably best remembered for his writing contributions to such successes as "Get Smart", and "What's Up, Doc?"

And finally, another Buck who does play the guitar. Alvis Edgar Owens had a long career as a country-western singer, but is most fondly remembered for pickin' and grinnin' with Roy Clark on the TV show "Hee Haw!" That segment proved that the lamest jokes in the world can be entertaining as long as they're accompanied by banjo music. Thanks, Buck.

My only remaining question is why I've never heard of anyone else with the names Alvis, Ottis, Junious, or Lecil? Where did their parents come up with these names? Were they drunk? Just bad at spelling? Determined to torment their children? What?

If you know, or if you have any other good stories about bizarre real names being replaced by good nicknames, let me know. In the meantime, don't forget that you can just call me "Speed" instead of Terry. Thanks, and have a great day!