Names

When you have a giant brain and a sixth-grade edgycation, you just have to accept the fact that your gray matter will occasionally take minor road trips. Sometimes, due to work responsibilities and such, you have to act like a responsible adult and command it to sit back down and concentrate -- don't make me come back there!...and other times you just keep your mouth shut and tag along to see where the cerebral journey takes you.

Today's totally unnecessary mental excursion takes us down a path that ends with the photo posted above. Any guesses as to what these 4 fine performers have in common?

While you're thinking about that, I'm going to publicly declare my intentions to swim at the lake tonight. Yes, you can hold me to it, and can feel free to give me a boatload of grief if I don't show up. Unless it rains. (I hate to swim when it's wet outside.)

OK, here's your hint: A couple of businesses we could've included are LL Bean and Cici's Pizza. That should make it obvious.

Yes, that's right—For some reason, I've just been thinking about all the names that consist of a single syllable, repeated. If you want to get all alphabetic about it, you could start off with "aa", which is the scientific term for basaltic lava characterized by a rough or rubbly surface composed of broken lava blocks called clinker. (According to Wikipedia, "The clinkery surface actually covers a massive dense core, which is the most active part of the flow." So your secondary challenge for the day is to use "clinkery" in a sentence at some point during today's conversations. Good luck.) Then you follow with guitar legend BB King, Cici's, Didi Conn (the one with the pink hair), and so on through the alphabet until you hit ZZ Topp. (Oh, by the way, our other featured celebrities above are TV sensation JJ Walker (Dyn-o-mite!), and LL Cool J, who I gather is the hiphop version of David Soul or something).

It's rather startling how many names consist of repeated syllables: Gigi, Mimi, Boo Boo, Zsa Zsa, etc. Of course, some are geographical (Pago Pago), and some are ornithological (caracara). And then there are the ones that are generally reserved for monkeys and the like: Bobo, Bam Bam, Koko, Toto, JarJar, etc.

I suppose you have to give honorable mention to names like "Barbara", who manage to do the repeated syllable thing, but stay away from cutesyville by adding that extra letter at the end to provide a modicum of legitimacy.

Of course, our journey wouldn't be complete without also thinking about other, non-poetic names. And that led me to speculate about which unique names I like the best. What are the names that belong to only one person that just sound really cool?

Spock, obviously. But James Tiberius Kirk doesn't count, because there are lots of people named James. Worf? Sure. But that just about does it for Star Trek, I think.

But most of our other candidates will probably come from science fiction, as well. Optimus Prime, Klaatu, Gort, Cylons, SeeThreePeeOh, etc.

OK, I just threw C3P0 in there to see if you were paying attention. He's totally lame, and not worthy to polish a Cylon's butt-chrome.

I am tempted to talk about the ultra-clever names from the James Bond/Austin Powers franchises...but everybody know what those are. Definitely classics.

Anyway, my brain seems to be returning to its normal duties of wondering what I'm going to eat, whether I have enough clean socks, and which supermodel I'm supposed to be escorting this weekend...so I'll just leave you with a few of my other favorite made-up names. Feel free to send me your suggestions for the Cool Name Hall of Fame (should one ever come into existence). In the meantime, please enjoy remembering the way you felt when you first heard the melodious monikers of these famous folks: Hoss, Snuffleupagus, Bullwinkle, and of course, Beetlebaum. Have a great day!