Womp Rats

You know that dream where you're about to do something important, but you forgot your pants?

I never have that one.

My dreams usually fall into the "pleasant fantasy" category, like where Dorothy Hamill invites me to the prom, or I see an ad in the paper for a six-figure job where the major skill requirements are "stare out the window" and "complain about stuff." I also seem to have a bunch of dreams that take place in a swimming pool, usually involving girls wearing Star Trek yeoman's uniforms.

But this morning's events have shown me that even stuff you don't dream about might come true. I had a productive early workout at the gym--lifting, running, swimming, and soaking in the hot tub. But after I showered and prepared to get dressed for work, I discovered a slight problem.

Yep. Forgot my pants.

While this represents a significant mental lapse, I am not quite prepared to label myself as fully senile. After all, I still remember that Jane Wyman is the First Lady, and Jack Benny is Secretary of the Treasury...and I can name all of the movies in which William Shatner did his dialog entirely in Esperanto. But these little incidents of forgetfulness seem to be cropping up more frequently.

The good news is that my home is more-or-less on the way to the office, so it was no big deal to drive home in my gym clothes and get dressed there. I strolled into the office only 10 minutes later than I usually do, looking to all the world like a fellow who has his britches under control.

Anyway, my trip to the gym also reminded me of another product design rant that I intend to share with you -- but that will have to wait until another time. For now, let's examine our quiz from yesterday:

Scaramanga
A. A Japanese horror comic book
B. The Lion King's evil Italian cousin
C. A guy with an extra nipple
D. A pasta dish usually served with applesauce

Answer: C. Scaramanga is the Bond villain we talked about yesterday...you know, the one whose sadistic nature caused him to use demonic French midgetry as a torture device. He was an incomparable marksman, and could've shot Bond at any time to put him out of his misery. But instead he subjected the poor fellow (and the unfortunate moviegoing public) to massive doses of Herve Villechaiz. Gah.

Until 007 found him, though, the only thing known about him (other than his fondness for gold weaponry and ammo) was that he had a superfluous nipple. Bond uses this knowledge to infiltrate a Chinese group that...ah, you know what? Never mind; it's a stupid plot that doesn't make any sense even when explained. Let's just be happy with the fact that the crappy car can fly, and that Villechaize gets killed in the end. That should be enough.

Grand Moff Tarkin
A. A lesser-known Sousa march
B. A victim of womp rat marksmanship skills
C. A particularly severe type of seizure
D. A long, fancy evening gown

Answer: B. Grand Moff Tarkin (pictured at the top of this post) was blown up on the Death Star when Luke used his uncanny blaster accuracy to hit the intake port that was about the size of a womp rat, which is what he used to practice shooting in his youth. (Obviously, neither the ASPCA nor Sarah McLachlan had a strong presence on Tatooine.)

As happens often in this column, surprise relationships among questions appear among the quiz sections. In this case, Christopher Lee (who played Scaramanga) and Peter Cushing (who played Tarkin) were the two main performers featured in the Hammer Studios horror films of the 1960s and 70s. They appeared in tons of movies together, and sometimes played the same roles (vampires, for example.) And of course, Christopher Lee appeared as the evil Count Dooku later in the Star Wars saga. (Or is it earlier? It was a prequel, after all.)

Kananga
A. Something inflated by a CO2 cartridge
B. An Australian marsupial
C. An African tour guide
D. The country whose capital is Quebec

I apologize for this one; I made a typo. Answer A should have said O2 (oxygen) cartridge...not CO2. Then it would be the correct answer. Kananga is this guy:



A couple of people thought it was the African tour guide on the Simpsons, but his name was Kitenge.

Lumpy Brannum
A. High-fiber, granola-based breakfast food
B. A fellow with a monochrome trouser fetish
C. Pudgy shot-putter for Mayfield High School
D. A skin condition suffered by John Merrick

Answer B. You'd know this one if you memorized every little factoid from every previous blog. We've talked about him before: Hugh "Lumpy" Brannum is best known as Mr. Green Jeans on the Captain Kangaroo show.

The pudgy shot-putter from Mayfield was Clarence "Lumpy" Rutherford, son of Fred "Mel Cooley" Rutherford, who worked with Ward Cleaver. Lumpy's sister Violet was played by a couple of different actresses, one of whom was Veronica Cartwright, who is best known as the older sister of Angela Cartwright, who played Brigitta in "The Sound of Music" and Penny Robinson on "Lost in Space".

For today's quiz, let's try a matching game. Simply pick the description from the right column that belongs with the text in the left.

Enrico Pallazzo	Enables victory over Cthulhu
Chiwetel Ejiofor	Plays the cornet
Shablagoo	Saves the Queen
Ish Kabibble	Hunts browncoats

That's it for now. Thanks for stopping by.