Midgets

Many of the A-list henchmen from the James Bond movies have a certain charisma and charm. Oddjob and Jaws obviously stand out as the cream of the crop, but Bambi and Thumper, Mr. Joshua, the Cola Nut guy, Robert Shaw, and Famke Janssen all have their appeal as well. Even Lotte Lenya (the old bat with the poisoned knife in her shoe) is fun to watch as she dances around while Connery blocks her kicks with a chair. Most of them have little moments of comedy that makes us like them despite their dastardly menace.

But I'm sorry, I just can't stand Herve Villechaize.

Before I continue with that particular diatribe, I'll go ahead and discuss the answer to yesterday's quiz. It's "midgets," or in the parlance of the politically correct, "little people."

Each pair depicted shared roles with a particular height-challenged actor. The guys on the top row (Christopher Lee and Ricardo Montalban) were each assisted by the aforementioned Villechaize. In "The Man with the Golden Gun", Herve used his abominable French accent to torment James Bond, and in "Fantasy Island," his very presence served to make everyone happy when they were finally allowed to leave the island.

I suppose in that respect, he could be considered a kind of a short and smelly Franco-Gilligan.

As regular readers know, I think Ricardo Montalban is one of Hollywood's greatest treasures. But how he managed to deny himself the fantasy of dismembering and burning Tattoo, I will never know.

Speaking of Hollywood treasures, the next row features the Greatest Actor of All Time, Mr. Bruce Campbell -- shown here in his role as "the guy who named Spiderman." Next to him is Dr. Evil, making it obvious that the little person they share in common is "Mini-Me," Mr. Verne Troyer. Troyer played Napoleon Bonaparte in Campbell's historical adventure TV series "Jack of All Trades."

(Yes, I know that Campbell has done more historical adventure TV shows than anyone else in history; most notably "The Adventures of Briscoe County, Jr." and "Xena, Warrior Princess." Both are worth checking out on Netflix.)

And now that you know the theme of the puzzle, it's pretty easy to figure out that row three is about Kenny Baker, the guy who played R2D2. Baker also played the adventurer Fidgit in "Time Bandits", which is a film by Monty Python alum Terry Gillium (the mad jailer in "Life of Brian".) Interestingly, Time Bandits also features Sean Connery, who once played James Bond. Now if Kenny Baker had played the henchman in "Golden Gun," I probably would've enjoyed the movie.

(Actually, I did enjoy parts of it. The flying AMC Hornet is a kitsch classic, and Britt Eklund is cute as the ditsy Goodnight. But otherwise, meh. Oh, and by the way, I know that Mr. Joshua is not a Bond villain at all, but instead was the creep played by Gary Busey in "Lethal Weapon." I just threw that in to see if anybody was paying attention.)

So with that, I'll leave you with a quick word quiz. In upcoming posts I'll go back to talking about training, scenery, the weather, and all the other stuff about which I generally enjoy blathering. But for now, your challenge is to choose the correct description that fits these terms:

Scaramanga
A. A Japanese horror comic book
B. The Lion King's evil Italian cousin
C. A guy with an extra nipple
D. A pasta dish usually served with applesauce

Grand Moff Tarkin
A. A lesser-known Sousa march
B. A victim of womp rat marksmanship skills
C. A particularly severe type of seizure
D. A long, fancy evening gown

Kananga
A. Something inflated by a CO2 cartridge
B. An Australian marsupial
C. An African tour guide
D. The country whose capital is Quebec

Lumpy Brannum
A. High-fiber, granola-based breakfast food
B. A fellow with a monochrome trouser fetish
C. Pudgy shot-putter for Mayfield High School
D. A skin condition suffered by John Merrick

Thanks for playing, and have a great day!