Other High School Memories

I forgot to mention yesterday that our high school's mascot was the "Pioneer". [Pie-in-ear...hence the coining of the phrase "piehead". Get it?]

Our school colors were maroon and gold, and our letter jackets were actually pretty warm winter coats. Our swim coach knew a lot about diving, our band director was an outstanding oboe player, and the main school hallway had a well-defined hierarchy for group congregation locations. The pinnacle of social status (aka the "Senior Window") was nearest the Principal's office, and the coolest kids would gather there before school and between classes.

Despite my obvious nerdish uncoolness, I was allowed to linger on the cool group's fringe. Having a letter jacket helped (even though swimming was considered a "minor" sport), and having gone to grade school with Sam Wee (Student Council President) and living across the street from the Debate Team Captain (Herbert the Pervert) granted me a sort of contingent access. (Strangely, my high GPA and marching band rank of "Squad Leader" carried no popularity weight whatsoever. You'd think that the trumpet playing alone would make me a total chick magnet...but sadly, no.)

I probably would've enjoyed the reunion's school tour as much as any other part of the event. After all, I can stay in touch with the people via Facebook and email. But it's been a LONG time since I set foot in the hallways where all those devoted teachers struggled in vain to set me on a path toward success.

This is not a comprehensive list; it's just what popped into my head this morning. But if you asked me to recall the things I learned in high school, these are the facts I would probably share with you.

• WWI Flying Ace Eddie Rickenbacker invented the automobile rearview mirror.


• Hemingway, Faulkner, and Steinbeck all suck. Mark Twain rules.


• Economic considerations always trump political motivations. Or do they?


• F = MA.


• Typing is one of life's most valuable skills.


• Basketball is defintely not my sport, and wrestlers generally don't swim well.


• E = IR.


• 8 strides of high-steppin' marching technique can accurately measure 5 yards.


• Star Trek was more effective at promoting racial harmony than forced busing was.


• g = 32ft/sec².


• Clarinets are pretty much useless.


• The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. (No, wait...I learned that from the Wizard of Oz.)

Everything else I know I learned in Kindergarten. (Well, either that or on the streets.) Actually, I'd be surprised if I didn't pick up some other math or grammar skills in high school, and I suppose I learned a bit more about history, government, and baroque composers, etc...but at the end of the day, I really can't give you a detailed accounting of the value of my high school education.

Joe Fellers taught me how to make pizza, Doug Sidles and Bill Spahn taught me how to coach swimming, and Doug Smith taught me how make movies. I taught myself how to ride a motorcycle (with apologies to the lady whose flowerbed I accidentally destroyed in the process). But none of these vitally important skills came from the public schools.

But I digress. I was supposed to be discussing fond memories of my high school classmates and experiences. And of those, there are many. As you might suspect, I have more cherished memories from standing in the hall and being in the pool than from anything that happened while my nose was buried in a textbook. This photo is from the reunion tour -- the West High pool looks pretty much the same as it did when I swam there. Looking at how narrow this dinky 20-yard pool is, I wonder how we ever managed to have real workouts in there. I know that collisions were frequent, and my hands still carry the scars from many a scrape against the walls. And I know that younger readers won't believe this, but the laneropes we used in swim meets were even more dangerous -- they were actually ropes...like the kind you climb in gym class, and would strip the flesh clean off your body if you were unfortunate enough to make contact.

If that weren't bad enough, my high-school swimming career also took place in the dark times before the invention of polycarbonate goggles. We swam many a workout without benefit of eye protection, and would suffer horrible eye pain and tears during the long drive home after practice. The first goggles I had were large rubber frog-eye contraptions, with glass lenses that would shatter if you dropped them...and trust me, shattered glass is not a desirable thing for a swimming pool deck. I'd wear them in practice, but would leave them off during competition, and suffer additional eye irritation accordingly. Ugh.

But the best thing about high school swimming was that the cheerleaders were required to attend a certain number of minor sports events...so we occasionally got to see a hot babe in the stands. Without mandatory cheerleader attendance, our only support would've come from parents. And face it, while parental support is greatly appreciated, it pales in comparison to any sort of acknowledgement (mandatory or not) coming from bubbly uniformed cheergirls.

One historical note in the interest of factuality: The starting blocks shown in the photo are from a later vintage. When I swam there, the starting blocks were essentially just big homemade plywood boxes, and there was also a diving board. But the tile is the same, and I wouldn't be surprised if the same inefficient filtration system is still in place. Perhaps I'll visit and give you an update at the next class reunion.

Next up, I'll share some non-swimming HS memories with you. For now, I'll just mention that my official Triple Bypass magazine cover photo has been posted here, and I'll (finally) answer our latest trivia question.

1. What is the relationship between the name "Herman's Hermits" and the "Rocky and Bullwinkle" show?

The "Hermits" lads were fans of "Mr. Peabody" (who wasn't?), which was a segment featured during Moose and Squirrel. These budding musicians somehow saw a resemblance between Peabody's boy "Sherman" and Peter Noone (the lead singer), but being British, somehow misheard the name as "Herman". So they started calling Pete "Herman", and it stuck. When it came time to name the band, well, it only made sense to incorporate the nickname. Seriously, I am not making this up.

2. What does their lead singer have in common with the movie "The Exorcist"?

Despite their trouble with pronunciation, the British apparently have no qualms about spewing names all over the landscape when christening their children. The Hermits' lead singer's full name is Peter Blair Denis Bernard Noone. The connection to the movie is pretty obvious -- The star of "The Exorcist" was Max Von Sydow, and "Noone" is the time of day when the sun is at its "Max"imum elevation.

I suppose I could also give you partial credit if you connected them by noticing the similarity between Mr. Peabody and Miss Pea Soup, but that's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?

The real question is how my musical tastes managed to evolve from Herman's Hermits to Blue Öyster Cult in just a few short years. Is that something I learned in high school? Perhaps.

While I ponder that deep philosophical question, please enjoy some good clean rock n' roll highlighting the quality of marital persistence, and have a great day!