Olympics!

If you added together the ages of Missy Franklin and Ryan Lochte, you'd still be more than a decade short of the number of years I've been swimming. I have extensive experience, my friends, as well as tons of maturity and competitive wisdom.

So why aren't I faster?

Sorry. Not a serious question; I know the answer. From the very earliest moments of playground sports exposure, I've been well aware of my athletic shortcomings. Though an eager participant in neighborhood games, I was likely to be the last kid picked before Doug Griffin...often even selected after my stupid little brother, who was two years younger. I was slow, uncoordinated, and unintimidating. When strategies for victory were developed, my name was specifically excluded from the planning process. It was no secret that any talents I might have were not going to get an "X" placed in my "Athletically Gifted" checkbox.

But I've stuck with it over the years. I've paid attention, watched what the talented people do, and have tried to imitate them to the best of my ability. The mere acts of "hanging around" and "continuing to try" have paid off with various successes here and there over the years, and I have no complaints. To be sure, I am endangering none of the Olympic records, but I'm still having a blast...and I expect to continue working out and competing for many more decades.

Heck, swimming is just plain fun!

I think you would also agree that it's one of the best Olympic sports to watch on television. The coverage (and especially the post-race Q&A) would be better if I were in charge of the network, but what're ya gonna do?

It's easy to get stuck in front of the television. I also enjoy the cycling, rowing, water polo, and even volleyball. But I do think it's time to admit in public that I'm really kinda creeped out by the gymnastics competitions. I'm not sure why it makes my skin crawl, because I admire the amazing athleticism and strength they display. But there's something about the people and equipment involved that make me want to light a torch, grab a pitchfork, and run them all out of town. Almost all of the swimmers seem like real human beings you could imagine seeing at the mall buying bluejeans...but the gymnasts seem like joyless automatons stamped out by some sort of demonic Pokemon factory, with secret programming that will someday be activated when it's time for Dr. Frankencommie to use them to implement his plans for world domination. They scare me.

And perhaps I'm just paranoid from too much LDS in the 60s, but I'm thinking Bob Costas has become just a little bit creepy himself. Has he undergone plastic surgery? Been replaced by a space-invader pod person? The victim of a bad makeup assistant?

Hmm. They are in England, so I suppose any of those things are possible. But for my money, Al Trautwig is the one who has earned the right to be the next Jim McKay. Let's put him in the main studio.

Anyway, Stephanie came up with the idea of timing one of the Olympic finals events at each swim practice during the Games. It's been fun so far, and people have gone pretty fast. (We might have to repeat the 200 fly, though -- I think we can do better.) We've also been working on techniques displayed by the Olympians, such as finishing strong and getting that snappy undulation off the walls. We haven't done any drills that involve answering reporters' questions, or loading up your iPod with the most inspiring music, but you never know. And squeezing your head a full size smaller by using two cueball swim caps is probably a technique that will never be needed by our little band of competitors. But can we get inspired to work harder, use better technique, and get ourselves in better shape, based on what we've seen the Olympians do? Yeah, I think we can.

But Olympic competition is not the only thing occupying my time. There's the standard corporate dronery, of course, as well as my continuing experiments with "zero-drop" running shoes. (More about that later.) There's also... pancakes!

No, not the ones in this photo; they're healthy. (Click on the photo for the recipe.) The pancakes I ate were accompanied by bacon...not fruit. Bacon isn't really on my "should eat" list right now, but that's what they offered, so that's what I ate.

This was on Saturday. I traveled to downtown Golden with Joe and Kristen for the annual "Buffalo Bill Days" celebration. The pancake breakfast is a fund-raiser for the Fire Department, and also (apparently), a gathering place for politicians looking for opportunities to kiss babies and such. Joe Coors had the best shirt.

The pancakes and bacon were tasty enough, I suppose, but the best part was watching the cook scoop them off the griddle and fling them up in the air. Some of the cakes rose to heights of 20 feet or more, and looked pretty cool as they spun through the bright morning sky. A couple of young girls with serving trays raced around to try to catch the flying flapjacks, but a fair percentage hit the pavement nonetheless. I hate to see good food wasted -- but at least there was grand entertainment value in the unsuccessful outfielding efforts.

With Buffalo Bill Days, the Olympics, and a challenging Sunday swim practice under my belt, I'd have to mark this weekend as both a pleasure and a success. I didn't achieve a great deal of relaxation, and I anticipate this workweek to be a challenge due to the sleep deprivation the Olympics will cause, but I'm feeling good and smiling a lot. As long as I don't have nightmares about hordes of 4-foot gymnast-bots somersaulting their way through the town square, I expect to enjoy this week as well.

Have a great day!

(Oh, and by the way, Twiki's voice was performed by the legendary Mel Blanc, who also did Bugs Bunny, Barney Rubble, and the Tasmanian Devil, just to name a few.)