Random Thoughts

I have no particular passion about saving the planet. I'm pretty sure the Earth can take care of itself. I'm also quite certain that unless the Commies really do have a "doomsday machine", the environment will remain tolerable for human habitation throughout my lifetime.

And in the long run, Mother Nature will take care of all the recycling herself. After all, we're not really creating anything new on this planet -- we're just moving the existing molecules around. So, until the Sun goes nova or we let the Sith build Death Stars in our neighborhood, I'm pretty sure our rotating globe will go on about its business.

Still, I see no particular reason to send stuff to a landfill if it can be reused. I do recycle, not out of any fear of the wrath of Gore, but because it just seems logical. Why go to all the expense and trouble of digging new cardboard mines in the Andes when there's a buttload of the stuff just sitting in my kitchen? Why kill wildebeests for their polyethylene terephthalate juice when I can simply throw my Dr. Pepper bottles in a bin and let some enthusiastic truck driver return them to the factory? As long as it's as easy to recycle as it is to fill up the dump, well, hey, I'm all for it.

But that's just background. Today's story actually begins a few hours before sunrise on a pleasant spring morning, just a few days ago. I had just finished chopping some celery and coring an apple, and wanted to take the unusable organics out to the trash can. Since the recycle bins are right next to the dumpster, it makes sense to do both chores at once, so I tied the top of the garbage bag and reached over to grab the recycling bin. I noticed something; the recycle bin contained three times the volume of the trash bag.

Since I habitually empty them at the same time, it means that I discard thrice the recyclable material as trash. It wasn't always this way, but I suspect I passed the equilibrium point quite some time ago. Is this now the typical ratio for American waste?

Well, if it is, then I have a question for you, my friends. Why do the apartment complex recycle barrels only have one tenth the capacity of the stupid trash dumpsters? Is it just this way at my particular apartment complex, or do all multi-family communities have this problem? The recycle bins overflow long before the weekly trucks arrive, but the dumpsters always seem to have enough empty space for a hobo, his Christmas tree, and a family of racoons.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that human beings can be highly illogical. The inappropriate sizes of waste containers provide just one example. But here's another: As I was walking out to dispose of my refuse, I heard a couple of different sets of wind chimes tinkling in the slight breeze. Clinkety dingety plink! OK Dudes, this is just wrong. At 4am, the only sounds you should hear are the rustling of leaves and the distant howl of coyotes. Perhaps if you listen closely, you might pick up the sound of an overnight trucker shifting gears on C-470, but you should NOT be able to hear one stinking thing from your neighbor's apartment.

I know what you're thinking: What about the dingus who empties his trash at 4 o-stinking clock in the morning? Don't worry -- I am very quiet when I dispose of my recycling at that hour. Sometimes (like when the barrel is empty) I actually remove each item separately and gently lower it into the bin so there are no impact noises. But even if I were to unceremoniously dump the whole kaboodle, it would be over in 1.5 seconds. Wind chimes, on the other hand, can go on all frickin' night!

This is not an argument about whether their sounds are euphonious. It's about common courtesy. If you live in an apartment complex, you have an obligation to keep your audio footprint to a minimum. I get up earlier than most people, and I would like nothing more than to start my day with 100 decibels of Blue Öyster Cult...but I don't. I even cringe at how much noise my electric razor makes, even though I doubt any of the neighbors could detect it even if they pressed a stethoscope against my wall.

In my opinion, you are more than welcome to listen to tuneless tinkling if you want to. Heck, if you don't own wind chimes, you have my blessings to dump your silverware drawer onto the kitchen floor if you're into that sort of "music". Listen to rap, Yoko Ono, or Joe Biden speeches if you want to -- just don't do it on your apartment balcony while people are trying to sleep.

Anyway, I'm just glad the chimey-ding folks are a couple of units away from my place. I'm not so lucky with the two yappy pitterpattering dogs in the building though -- they're right above me. Sigh.

So what the heck -- as long as I'm in Andy Rooney mode, here are a couple of other things that have bothered me lately:

• My ETD (Eustachian tube dysfunction) is back. I'm hearing those weird phantom crinkly noises in my right ear again. The drugs they gave me did make the condition disappear for a while, but they also gave me a cold, so I'm not that anxious to just go back on medications. I'd prefer they miniaturize a crew of scientists to go in my ear canal with lasers to zap the problem, but unfortunately, that technology doesn't seem to be available under my healthcare plan.


• Taco Bell isn't open early in the morning. This had never bothered me before; I rarely eat breakfast at fast food places, and when I do, my choice would usually involve the word "McMuffin". But I recently received a coupon for a free breakfast burrito, so I planned to stop by the Bell on my way to work. But I went out of my way to drive by three different restaurants, and not one of them was open at 7am. The door stickers said they opened at 10:00. My friends, 10:00 is lunchtime, not breakfast. Geez. And trust me, it's not good to start your workday with an unsatisfied burrito craving. This particular coupon did NOT generate customer goodwill.


• Do I have other complaints? Sure. People don't use their turn signals. I never win Lotto. There's nothing good on TV. Kelly Rosenthal never returns my phone calls, etc etc. TANJ.

OK, enough old-coot ranting. I promise that my next blog will be about training or competing or something, and will keep the whining and griping to a minimum. At least that's the plan. Have a great day!