Voiceovers Class

Ever since my days as a jazz DJ on my college radio station, I've been interested in opportunities to sit in front of a microphone. Since then, I've been fortunate enough to spend some time as a country-western DJ, appear on camera in numerous computer training videos, and even make a few YouTube videos. I am well aware of my crippling limitations as a singer, but have always felt that I could handle the spoken word with reasonable proficiency. I'm no William Shatner or Slim Pickens, but it seems like I oughta be able to read a script without messing it up too badly.

Well, OK, there was that one time in college where we were doing the "practical" exam for newsroom skills, and I was being graded on my performance as an evening news anchor. I had done well on the other segments (director, technical director, sound engineer, cameraman), but when it came time to go on camera and read the report about a devastating earthquake in Peru (or Pakistan or whatever they call that country that's over there next to Spain), well, I just couldn't maintain my composure. Something about being under the bright lights and having my grade depending on doing a serious reading about tragedy just seemed to push me over the edge. I started laughing hysterically and just couldn't stop. And when you're laughing in the middle of reciting statistics on death tolls and property loss, well, that's pretty funny, too. It was as if I was being tickled beyond my tolerance point, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. It just got worse and worse.

The bad thing was that we were simulating a "LIVE" broadcast, so the teacher just shook his head and said "We're still on the air, people", as I was doubling over in complete hysteria and nearing panic. Luckily, one of my classmates walked over and snatched the script out of my hand and began reading from the point where I'd lost it. As he read, I just collapsed behind the newsdesk (off camera, thankfully) and giggled until we went to commercial.

You want to know the best part? I actually passed the class!

But I digress. We were talking about my desire to find creative outlets in which I could use my vocal cords to remunerative advantage.

When I had the jazz show on KJHK (K-Jayhawk, get it?), I maintained a mellow, Clint-Eastwood-in-Play-Misty-For-Me understated kind of voice while I was on the air. But hanging around the studio during the other shows gave me a chance to practice my Top-40 speed-freak voice (CallUsRightNowOnTheRequestLineCuzWePlayTheHits Nonstop24HoursADayOhYeah!), my Ted Baxter newsman voice, and my Tommy Chong Dave's-not-here-man, let's-play-some-Grateful-Dead voice. And a couple of years later when I was at KICT ("Kicked", get it? As in "let's put on cowboy boots and bolo ties and pretend that we're on the Ponderosa", etc), I got to practice my laconic "aw shucks, fellers" kind of countryfied voice. "Y'all gimme a jingle if'n you got a request for some Buck Owens er sumpthin, ya heah?"

Oh yeah, I've got range, man. Ben Affleck-type range. So when I saw an add for a "Get into the VoiceOver Business" class, I signed up right away.

My buddy Russ took the class as well, and we both enjoyed it. Much of the time was spent discussing the business aspects of the craft, including how much money you could make if you develop a distinctive sound and get paid big bucks just for pretending to be a duck saying the magic word "Affleck". But toward the end of the class, we all got a chance to read lines from a commercial script while the teacher wrote down comments about our performances. He said that Russ was "a natural", but that I could benefit from some training (which he just happened to be able to provide, for only about $4000).

Well, I'm not going to pay for the dude's training program, even though I'm sure it's just swell. Instead, I'm going to get out my own microphone and practice my reading until I get dialed in to just the right combination of Darth Vader and Bobcat Goldthwait distinctiveness. I promise that I'll share some of those practice recordings with you in futures posts, so stay tuned. And have a great day!