Acupuncture Results

I know what you're thinking: "Is there any validity to the idea that sticking pins deep into an injured fellow's buttocks will suddenly render him able to run with a non-Frankensteinian gait? Is one single acupuncture treatment enough to turn someone who runs like Foster Brooks into a combination of Carl Lewis, Alberto Salazar, and Lee Majors? Is there any Mythbuster-quality evidence that non-scientific & mystical medical procedures can provide a cure for a deeply-rooted lack of ability disguised as a chronic injury?"

Well, either that or you're thinking "Why aren't there Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Eggos?" or "Why hasn't Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever made a movie with the Olsen twins?". But as fascinating as those questions might be, I'm going to explore the acupuncture conundrum.

I went for a run on Saturday morning. My needles-in-the-legs treatment was Thursday evening; I stretched religiously on Friday (per "practitioner's" instructions), and figured that Saturday morning's run would flow like a crisp mountain stream -- would soar like an eagle on an updraft -- would be as smooth and refreshing as a Shamrock Shake. I was expecting to glide down the road with the grace of gazelle, and to wave cheerfully at other runners who would pass by me without muttering "Whoa! That dude is messed up!" I had received the treatment, I possessed a positive attitude, and it could not have been a more beautiful day.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite go that way. Whatever is wrong with me, whether it's physical, mental, or a gypsy curse due to some no-good pig-stealing ancestor -- it appears to resist acupunture every bit as well as it has resisted Western medicines, psychotherapy, and even the most highly-advertised sports drinks. After only a couple of miles, my hamstring was twanging like a Cahulawassee banjo, and my stride was as lopsided as a Flock of Seagulls haircut. It was very disappointing.

It appears that I've not only strained my hamstrings, but also my metaphors. Lordy, I need help.

Seriously, what should I do now? With my budget too tight to allow for unlimited experiments with alternative treatments, I seem to be faced with two options.

1. Give up running altogether, and just concentrate on sports that are actually fun (swimming, biking, badminton, etc), or
2. Get serious about stretching, yoga, self-massage, and making sure that I don't spend the entire workday sitting at a desk without moving at all.

Option number one makes the most sense, both from a health perspective and a time-optimization viewpoint. After all, I'm not ever going to be competitive in running. On the other hand, if Laurence Olivier ever starts coming after me with dental tools, I'd really like to be able to get away from him. It's a tough decision.

So...I'm going to try the stretching option. I know that my friends will support me in this, and will remind me to get up from my desk and do some toe-touches on a regular basis throughout the day. And I'm sure that my employer will urge me to avoid working overtime, so that I can get home at a decent enough hour to watch one of those yoga programs on the Fitness Channel before going to bed.

Well, OK, my friends will help, anyway. I guess I'm on my own for the rest of it. Anyway, that's my report (and lifestyle plan) for the moment. I'll be sure to let you know how the whole "self-discipline" thing works out. (Considering the way it's gone with the "eat less chocolate" regime, I'm not sure how much optimism I can generate here. But I'm going to try.)

In the meantime, here are a few of the songs Tanner is using in his attempt to get a job as a piano-bar background musician. I'll post more in a week or so. I really would like your help, here -- if you know of any restaurants, clubs, bars, or even retail outlets who might be interested in hiring a piano player, please let me know. Since I'm not much of a "man about town", I'm not aware of many such places...but they've got to be out there. Seriously, let me know if you have any ideas for the boy. He needs a job.

As always, thank you for your support. Enjoy the tunes, and have a great day!