To Do List

I need to figure out how to drink more Gatorade.

Well, no, that's not exactly right -- I need to figure out how to drink Gatorade faster. My 10K lake swim race is Sunday, and I want to equal or better my PR in the event. And in the past, I've spent too much time fiddling around during my hydration breaks.

A lake swim isn't exactly like a footrace, where they can set up a big folding table beside the road and cover it with paper cups full of liquid. When I need a drink, well...I'm out in the middle of a lake, with only my faithful kayaker there to keep me from succumbing to thirst. We have to have a system for getting the Gatorade out of the boat and into my stomach as quickly as possible.

We've done OK in past races. My paddler, Jud, has tied a rope to a gallon milk jug full of the energy drink, and when I call for a hydration stop, he heaves the jug overboard. There's a slight delay between when I call for a drink and when I actually start chugging from the jug because a) he has to retrieve it from its secured position between his feet (there's only so much room in a kayak, you know), b) it's an imprecise exercise at best when you're throwing a gallon of fluid on a rope to a moving swimmer, and sometimes I have to swim a bit to get to the bobbing buoy of thirst-quenching goodness, and c) I have to screw the top off the jug, and then use both hands to lift it into drinking position. And with this system, we've done OK. But I'd like to do better.

I'm going to go shopping for something that's easier to open, perhaps easier to throw, and still has a good rate of flow. So that's on my to-do list: Get a better bottle.

But that's just one of the items I need to do before the race. There's also the following:

• Get a haircut


• Decide whether I'm going to shave my legs, and if so, then do it


• Buy Gatorade


• Print out directions to the pre-race dinner


• Gather up swimsuit, goggles, towel, sunscreen, BodyGlide/Vaseline (and paper towels), razor, vitamins/drugs, disposable warm-up clothing, breakfast items, COMSA card, and whatever I'm going to wear before and after the race


• Pack all that stuff


• Gas up the car, and make sure I have some rockin' tunes to listen to during the drive


• Do some sort of stretching and warmup swimming/exercise the day before the race

You may be asking why I don't just shave my head, as opposed to getting a normal haircut. Well, that's a pretty good question. But this race requires us to wear a swim cap (for enhanced visibility, and therefore, enhanced safety). And if you've ever tried to put a swim cap on a freshly shaven head, you know that it can be a bit of a challenge. There's more friction involved than you might think. As for shaving the legs, well, it does reduce water resistance, and therefore should provide a noticable time advantage over such a long distance. If the water is cold, however, then not having that thin layer of hair will make it easier for the body to lose heat. To be honest, I'm not too concerned about that; I'm guessing that the water will be plenty warm. But shaving the legs also takes a long time to do and comes with the associated discomfort of having all that hair grow back over the next several weeks, not to mention the impact it has on the way you have to dress, etc. And as you know, fashion is so very, very important to a guy like me (cough, cough).

The truth is, if I decide not to shave my legs, it's just because I didn't feel like going to that much trouble. That's all.

As for Body Glide and Vaseline, well, I tend to have some serious chafing from distance swimming if I don't take precautions. The friction between triceps and latissimus dorsi muscles creates some skin abrasion after several thousand strokes, but what's even worse is the spot on my chest where my chin rubs during breathing. I have to make sure to shave my face exceedingly well before the race, and put plenty of lubricant on those tender spots. One time, though, I made the mistake of applying the vaseline with my fingers instead of a paper towel -- and then I got vaseline on my goggles when I put them on and ending up being Mr. Magoo the entire race. I won't let lubes or lotions touch my hands before the swim.

They do not test for drugs in this race, so I may take some ibuprofen before the start. Maybe some decongestant, too, depending on how I'm breathing when I wake up in the morning. And then there's the whole blood-doping thing, where I go in to the clinic on Saturday and have all of my plasma replaced with oxygen-enriched and hormone-fortified superblood, just like the Tour de France cyclists all do. It's expensive and painful, but well worth it.

Naah, I'm just kidding about the blood doping. The spaghetti dinner and a few Clif bars ought to be enough to give me the fuel I need.

Well, that and the quickly-delivered Gatorade. I think I'll be ready.

It's going to be a great day!